In marital counseling, I have counseled couples on bringing up the past. Bringing up the past is like throwing darts. Darts are the damaging words and the target is the human soul which has suffered and mended. It is damaging. I appreciate my spouse because we have a rule, we do not bring up the past. We forgive and our behaviors modified, and we move on.
I believe when one brings up the past that it is a form of anger. It is a form of anger that is leading to sin because your tongue is not bridled and like steamy darts that seem to find its way to the bull’s eye. It hurts and causes more damage and harm than trying to get over the matter that is present. This is why I have set a ground rule not to discuss anything with your spouse after 7pm at night. It’s been a long day at work. You’re tired. Kids need to get to bed. It doesn’t help when your mind is on tomorrow and the tasks which need to be done.
Using spouses or anyone’s past mistakes as ammunition against them is not only hurtful, but it is also a sign of disrespect. Things which happened 12 years ago that has no bearing on present time. The present behavior never did reflect the negativity back then nor in the present. This does not warrant resurfacing. Nobody is perfect, and we are all tempted to use the past as a weapon. Regardless of how we think how well our memories serve us.
These things don’t just happen in marriage. They happen in work places. They happen in churches. God forbid it happens in churches, but it does. When someone brings up a concern about something 12 years ago in church is simply a worship, which leads to sin. When leaders at work, ministers or leaders at church or your marital spouse brings up the past what purpose does it serve? It only makes the gossiper, regardless of their intention, look bad.
A person’s life is not a football game to recall or do an instant replay. I have seen couple’s divorce over such matters. I have seen people leave work. Quit church because of people’s misconception ideas thinking it does good to drudge up past matters against any individual that doesn’t warrant such pain.
Handling such matter warrants much prayer. If you are in a disagreement, then fight fair. Leave the past behind. If you enjoy gossiping did you know your soul is in jeopardy? Ever thought the person prays in fervent prayer to forgive the past as you do? Then why bring things up, which have no relevance and are forgiven? It’s immaturity to resort to such things and sinful by bringing others in on the malicious replays of the past.
We are to encourage and to uplift one another. Thus UPLIFTING CHRISTIAN and not to tear down each other. “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called, t so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness” (Hebrews 3:13). Therefore, bite your tongue, break the rewind button of your mind. Look at souls, which are dedicated to God before throwing those ugly darts of the past and not what your tainted view is of your spouse or the individual. Thank God for grace! Be smart about how you handle another person's life for it may be your very own.
