Is it worth the fighting over semantics? A tree is a tree, but put ornaments on it with lights and it becomes a Christmas tree. Shape the tree into a cradle and it could be a manger. Form two large boards from the tree and overlay them and it becomes a cross.
People argue over what offends them and by whom. Bottom line is respect. We have lost respect for ourselves and lost our identity. Respect is lost through rudeness, untrustworthiness and hypocritical thoughts and actions. We get offended over someone’s expressive freedom of speech.
No matter where we go, we will encounter people who are negative, who try to force or bind their opinions on others; they will oppose your ideas or simply decide not to like you based upon your looks, behavior, faults or successes. It is our emotions driving our survival instinct: react and attack to defend. There is an interesting fable about porcupines that comes to mind as I remember crawling into a cave in western Oklahoma where one person went up into a small hole and there was a porcupine’s nest. Porcupines can really stick it to you!
Fable of the Porcupine
It was the coldest winter ever – many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together, which provided cover and protection for all. Sadly, the quills of each one wounded their closest companions even though they provided warmth to each other. After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and soon began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: Either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth. Wisely, they decided to be together.
They learned to live with the little wounds that were caused by the close relationship with their companion, but the most important part of it, was the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.
Moral of the story:
The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but the best is when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person’s good qualities.
How do we deal with semantics of what offends or doesn’t offend while dealing with what we feel are difficult people?
1. Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. When we react negatively, then we are creating our own pain within ourselves.
2. It is not about you; it is about them. When others initiate negativity it is a reflection of their inner state expressing externally. Sometimes it is like walking in front of a car that you did not see coming. Unhappy people, not recognizing their own pain and hurt, tend to attack.
3. Responding impulsively and irrationally can turn the conversation into a battle of “who is right.” It is better to listen, no matter how painful it may be, you might realize they are only venting and not actually attacking you.
4. Anger and negativity breed the same. When you respond to someone’s negativity in a negative manner there is no positive solution that will equal a good conversation. The invested energy of defending what you feel is right; forces anger and a digging in of the heels, when all you need is to listen and validate the other person’s feelings (sometimes when you do not agree with it). We cannot give or take at the same time. One has to be in submission to receive while the other gives and vice versa.
5. Freedom of speech and expression allows others to express their opinions. Right or wrong. When you suppress each other’s opinions you miss the opportunity for growth and learning.
You can choose peace or you can choose conflict. It is better to maintain objectivity and emotional control then to raise the porcupine’s defense of needles. When you rise to the occasion you might find yourself up against a prick. Listen to the other person, validate their feelings, use I feel and I understand, so that they feel they are important. You might be surprised in your relationships how easy it is to work together and live with one another’s “porcupineness.” You have to make a sacrifice in submission or subjection. People are willing to be humble and submissive if you are not forceful in making them subject to your will. You avail yourself to growth and learning when you keep an open mind. It does not mean you believe or condone the other’s actions.
By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)
