When It Hurts - Oh the heartache

 We take a risk when we open our hearts because the truth is, if we open our hearts, we will get hurt. You can't open your heart and not have some hurt because you're in a human experience. Even if it's the love of your life and you have many wonderful, deepening, growing, powerful years together, it's a human experience and that person will pass over. Love takes courage. Be courageous.~Mary Manin Morrissey 

One word; then several flow after it like a running river. The words become like bullets, which strike the heart. The heart is pierced. The pain flows throughout the soul like cancer. The hurt seems nonstop. The throbbing thoughts pulsating and arousing the emotional well of feelings has been tapped by a foreign object.

One event is like a shot gun blast. Every miniscule fragment seems to find its intended target. The heart is struck. Thoughts and feelings like an ocean’s tide drawn by the moon begin to rise. 

You can see it in their eyes; a small rain drop, swelling in the eye like a river overflowing its banks. Then, a tear drop falls slowly and gracefully down the cheek. Is it a sign of weakness?

A mom came and sat down in my office and broke down crying over her boys. “I don’t want my boys to see me upset and me crying” she said. “They don’t need to know how much I am hurting and I have to be strong for them.” I handed her a tissue and she continued with her story. Her son came into the room and wondered what was wrong. Encouraged by the bonding, I gave him a gentle nudge and said, “It is okay; mom loves you.”

One small arm went around her neck. I nodded at her and said to her son, “It’s okay to hug and love your mom.” Both arms wrapped around her neck and no dam could have held back those tears from both of them that day. I was touched by the reunion of a family that was broken by severe abuse.

You’ve been there and sometimes it is a relentless moment. Your tears release the pain so deep within you, which it is hard to bear. You carried a child for nine months and in the breath of the moment of birth, the child lies motionless and there is nothing anyone can do to bring your child back. Tears flow.

Your significant other comes to you with a concerned look. “I can’t do this anymore.” The hand grenade has been delivered. The fragments of those words explode in the mind. Shocked and left numb; it begins to hurt. Thomas Merton stated, "The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt."

Pain. It hurts. Some run from it because it hurts. Some don’t want to deal with it and bury it deep within them. They don’t realize it comes back as depression.  I can’t tell you that the pain you feel will disappear or is never to return. Christians do more harm when they say, “You’ll get past this” or “this too shall pass”, although they mean well, it’s not how you feel at the moment.


Pain is a characteristic of life.  Not everyone has an answer at the present moment. It is hard to step outside of the present moment and look toward what the future may hold. We all run into mortals, who are at different stages in their lives and it is hard to know or meet someone at the same level as you.

How did I get over the pain of finding out I had cancer, a family member’s death, divorce, and painful relationships?  I had hope in trusting my Creator who has a redeeming power to overcome such daunting pain. 

First, understand you’re not alone and do not attempt to try heal alone or find ways to release the pain by seclusion, self-harm or substance abuse. There are people who do love and are concerned about you, even when you feel they don’t. Second cling to hope. If you learn to deal with the pain and cling to hope there is joy around the corner and the healing progress begins. 

For some they relish in the pain because that is all they know. They begin unhealthy dating or marriage relationships because they are accustomed to the familiar of those types of relationships and have not learned how to accept a loving relationship.

Pain is predictable. Love is not. Taking the focus off the problem and the moment of pain, my eyes had to see something different. Talking to close friends was helpful. Having a support group of people who believe in you and can gently walk you through the pain helped the healing process.

Denial is the splinter that digs deep into the heart of the wounded soul. Refusing to acknowledge or avoiding the situation by minimizing the consequences causes the pain to increase. How do you remove such a splinter and heal from the pain?

A final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works.~T. E. Kalem

When it hurts, examine what you fear. Write out the experience and identify your beliefs about the situation. Allow yourself to express your feelings and let the tears flow. Emotional pain is a debilitating pain that is not like physical pain. The only way to get rid of the pain is to delve into it.

Making friends with pain seems irrational. Yet, it is healthy way of accepting it and not being afraid of relationships. Think of releasing the pain as a breathing technique. When you breathe in you feel the pain in your heart and when you breathe out you release the suffering from the pain. Breathe in when you feel that is good about you and breathe out the negative thoughts that you are not good enough. 

Don’t be afraid that nothing will change. Begin to shift your focus and understanding that you will be okay. Embrace love even though it seems unpredictable. I had to embrace it and it seemed my pain was not intense. Remember, all the hurt you are feeling is trying to save you from being harmed. The purpose is for us to grow from what we have experienced.

Understand the meaning of hurt. Understand your pain. Once you begin to understand the cause of the pain the more you can grow and less the pain can become. Work with the hurt. There is a hidden message. Learn to ask yourself what you want that is better. Finally, don’t take things personally: by acting constructively, by dealing with the pain, and not destructively by lashing out or ignoring the pain.

Words of wisdom from when it hurts: Are you looking forward in order to understand what to do next, rather than looking back and analyzing who or what to attribute to your hurt?  Sometimes being on His anvil can hurt, but the end result is His redeeming love for us.

The surest way to hurt yourself is to give up on love, just because it didn't work out the first time.~Amanda Howells, The Summer of Skinny Dipping

By Faith -forging attitude in trusting Him