“A
friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself-and especially to
feel, or not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with
them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really
is.” ― Jim Morrison
I am thankful for learning different cultures and different areas of the United States. It was difficult in packing and unpacking, as well as making new friends everywhere I went. The following is from my personal experiences: In the northern part of the states they say, “pop” (South Dakota), in the south some say, “soda” (Oklahoma) and in Texas they say, “Coke”. Three different words, but all used to describe a carbonated flavored drink product.
Some of my cousins were able to grow up most of their life in a rural West Texas town. However, my family moved to different cities in Texas, then to different states and a country. The experiences, to my knowledge, helped me to grow as a person and enabled me to experience different food, music, dialect, and people. In college it helped me to live with different types of people, whether they were Hispanic, Asian, African American, Caucasian, British, male, female, and many different age differences.
We all want to be accepted despite our differences. The tendency is to gravitate towards those who are similar to our interests, sex, color, age, and gender. It is what we are comfortable in being in because we have an idea of what to expect. This is sometimes how clicks are formed and the old saying, “birds of a feather flock together.”
It seems we are becoming more and more of a society that wants the same styles and it can be difficult for someone to be different. Even if their opinion is different, it becomes hurtful to some. It seems some are easily offended because it doesn’t go to their normal status quo of what they are accustomed to in their own life.
I was dating someone who was divorced after 20 plus years from a marriage. Her ex-husband was an alcoholic. Sometimes she expressed she had to walk on eggshells and their marriage lacked the luster it once did. I had known her for two weeks. She had a bad day at the office and I sent her flowers to brighten her day. “In 20 years I haven’t received flowers and none the less at my office,” she exclaimed to me during our routine phone conversation.
We dated for at least 6 weeks and the bombshell came, “I’m silent because I’m still confused. I could see myself with you very easily. I think I could be happy with you. It’s not someone or anyone else, I know it isn’t fair to you and I will probably regret this, but I think it would be best if I let you go.” It seemed like someone pushed the red button. You know the one that launches nuclear war heads. It is what I call the reject button.
Rejection is a hard pill to accept. The other pill of acceptance is rejection. People become filled with prejudice because they don’t understand other cultures or they are influenced by those around them. It seems we can’t accept someone saying, “pop, soda or coke”. I know that is the extreme, but I hope I am getting my point across.
What about those who are homeless? Maybe, he became very ill and they garnished his wages and he lost his home. Sometimes it is a lack of education, insufficient knowledge or pride that keeps them from doing better. They have lost hope. Then someone in society chooses to ignore them or shun them and don’t want to help. Why they are homeless: because it is hard to fight back when the system of life presses you down.
Learning to accept the circumstances when you are rejected is difficult to manage. You feel you are a reject because, either you have a scar, different patches of skin color or you’re bullied because you are different. Learning to embrace the unfamiliar and different makes things easier to accept what is happening around you.
It is time to embrace the unfamiliar. The broken. The different. I don’t mean you have to condone what people do. Just accept the differences. Learn to embrace love and not reject it because you have been so used to the normalcy of avoiding the pain. When we embrace pain, embrace the differences, it is easier to accept reality. Live life. Love life. Dance in the rain.
“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” ~Pema Chodron
Accepting rejection was a hard lesson for me to learn. However, whether that rejection was from dating, friends in school, or not qualified for a job; I had to learn most judiciousness coming from others were their schemes to circumvent their own uncomfortable feelings. When you discover viewpoints and suppositions instead of judging others, you are able to expand a self-awareness and self-acceptance.
Learn not to reject others. One thing I learned about accepting rejection was evaluating what I was doing to others in my own rejection. Therefore, when you exercise your judgment remember to reflect upon the encounter as a mirror of your mind in order to see a person’s reflection of who they are as a gift and a blessing.
We are born to be different. Things are different to provide a reality. Doesn’t mean we embrace someone who is mean to use. It means we look past our hurt, their hurt and still love them anyways in order for you to be a victor and not the victim of hurt. Soon, they were able to perform on their greatest intellect and sought out the support and counsel they needed.
I remind myself that others are doing the best they are doing despite their given circumstances. I had to learn to avoid personalization of every outcome that I felt rejection. It was important for me to learn that any rejection was unrelated to what I was thinking whether I was good enough or not. Instead of rejecting because of my circumstances, I became more supporting with compassion and encouragement. Stephanie Somanchi, an executive coach, shared, “accepting others begin with accepting ourselves.” She further shared the “disapproval we feel is a reflection of an inner aspect we reject in ourselves. By focusing on self-approval we gain the strength to do what is best first for ourselves, which then dissolves the need to judge others.”
Accept
rejection even though it is a hard pill to swallow. I am in the process of
writing a blog about being untouchable. However, next week will be the final
piece of acceptance. Learning to accept ourselves, even though we feel
unlovable because it is often the mixed messages we receive and internalize
that makes it a hard pill to swallow. I want to leave you what Shannon L. Alder
stated:
"When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in
every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a
voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and
regret.”
By putting our attitude on His anvil
we accept others rejection:
