“He who conquers himself is the mightiest
warrior.” -
Confucius
It is amazing for me to be sitting outside during the month
of July in Tulsa, Oklahoma. It is 72 F. However, the average temperature for
this time is about 95 degrees or 35 C. This isn’t about science and without
getting into the semantics of science let’s set the stage of this blog.
Let’s say the water begins to freeze at 32 F. The thermometer’s
(an external device, which measures temperature) median is set at zero. It
measures anything above zero as warm and hot and anything below zero is cold or
freezing. Okay, I am not a scientist,
all I know is when my toe comes out from under the covers and it is cold, it is
time to stay in bed. If I am outside and a bead of water forms on my head, then
I know it is hot and time to go inside where it is cool. A thermometer measures the reaction to what it
is in.
When I tend to focus on the temperature, especially when I
look at the thermometer in the summer, the more hot I begin to feel. When I am
indoors from the heat or cold, my thermostat can regulate a nice comfortable
temperature year round. Then a thought occurred to me about how this can equate
to our life. Therefore, are you a thermometer, by mirroring the environment,
or are you a thermostat that can change it?
As a veteran of the Army, I had to learn to adapt to
dangerous situations by using the resources around me and planning strategies,
which could neutralize the situation. I had to learn through many trials and
hardships to change my outlook from being negative to positive situations.
By learning different strategies, taught me that I can be a thermostat and regulate
the environment around me by who I am and what I do. Yet, sometimes, I was a
thermometer and was changed by certain personal events, poor choices and often
good positive choices.
Life can be a hot situation or it can be a cold situation.
If it is warm, then for me I am just complacent and not growing and prefer to
move the needle to learn and to grow as an individual. As an individual, I prefer
growing in His grace and to be changed. I had to learn to grow from being
externally compelled (thermometer) to being internally motivated (thermostat).
How you look at life determines, whether you can change
(thermostat) it or be changed by it (thermometer). In order for me to be more
of a thermostat, I had to learn to captivate my thoughts and make them obedient
(2 Cor 10:5). I change my thermostat by renewing my mind every day (Rom. 12:2).
By regulating myself, it enabled me to be content in all circumstances (Phil.
4:11).
When life becomes a storm, it is difficult sometimes not to
be a thermometer and measure how big or small or how hot or cold it can become.
My focus is then off of regulating my mind, but merely reacting and measuring
the external trouble. It can be a challenge. The fishermen were experts at the
seas, in the biblical times. Yet, I remember the story where Jesus was asleep
in the boat and they came in fear and awakened him. They were the thermometer measuring
the storm and Jesus was the thermostat that was able to regulate the environment.
We have the same control over the storms in our life. It isn’t
that was can get rid of the trouble, but it is how we regulate our thoughts to
be able to survive it. Understand the difference between being a thermometer,
which reacts to the storm, or being a thermostat where you can regulate your
thoughts to weather the storm. During this time it takes practice to work on
self-talk. Self-talk is the mercury within the thermostat that can get you
below normal (depression) or above normal hot (furiously angry).
Negativity mindset dilutes the human potential to find
positivity. The power within you is to focus your mind by capturing the
negative thoughts and make them obedient to the positive thoughts. This will
enable you to no longer dwell on what went wrong, or who to blame. This could build
roadblocks that greatly reduce your power to change. When you embrace the
positive of I can, accept responsibility for what has occurred and realize it
is the stepping stone into something better, it enables you to focus on succeeding.
Finally, how do we regulate our environment like a
thermostat? Regulating emotions and impulses means to purposely decrease or increase
the intensity of an emotion by determining whether to act or not on impulse.
First, use your thoughts to slow down by reacting suddenly to the situation.
Think about using a coping skill, which can regulate your anger or anxiety.
Choose how you think about the situation and how you plan on reacting. This
will take time, but only when you are conscious to the situation you are in.
These are some of the skills we can all learn, but the crucial key that opens
the door is being able to step back and reflect on what you are thinking,
feeling and wanting to do. Journaling your thoughts is a good idea.
Draw out on a piece of paper columns. Label the columns like
this:
What happened
|
My thought
|
My Feeling
|
What did I do?
|
What could I do better?
|
A
person cut me off in traffic
|
JERK
|
Anger
|
Flipped
him off
|
Slow
down and let them pass
|
This will help you to reflect and observe your reactions and
can help regulate the thoughts for future problems to help gain control over
your behaviors, thoughts and feelings. By becoming a thermostat you learn to be
emotional aware of the situation, especially when you feel confused and are set
in old habits. If you are emotional aware, then you can regulate, instead
reacting to what is happening and are able to make good choices.
Fear defeats more people than any other one
thing in the world.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Daniel Goleman in his book, Emotional Intelligence, describes self-regulation as a master
aptitude and there are five core elements of self-regulation:
- Self-control which regulates impulses and emotions.
- Trustworthiness that maintains principles of integrity.
- Conscientiousness by taking responsibility for your choices/actions.
- Adaptability to being open to change by being flexible to the situation.
- Innovation by looking at the situation by gaining new information and looking at it from a different perspective.
There are some who are “high” self-regulators (thermostats)
who can keep cool under pressure and be able to redirect their emotions, which
could cloud their thinking. There are some who are “low” self-regulators
(thermometers), which find it problematic to manage impulses and have poor
boundaries. This can also create an unstable environment by reacting before
thinking.
Therefore, ask yourself are you a thermostat
(regulating yourself and the environment by the way you think) or are you more
of a thermometer (measuring and reacting to the situation by shutting down (cold)
or blowing up (anger))?
We have to put ourselves on the anvil and Forge Attitudes In Trusting Him (f.a.i.t.h).
By Faith,
