“You couldn't relive your life,
skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to
accept it as a whole--like the world, or the person you loved.” ― Stewart
O'Nan, The Odds: A Love Story
I was 17 years old and barely new into Oklahoma. My father transferred
air bases from Japan to Tinker AFB in Oklahoma City. What a culture shock, even
though I was an American it was hard to adjust back into a fast paced society,
where in three years there were many changes, which took place. Ma Bell was
broken into different entities. Speed limits on highways changed. It was
difficult to accept these changes.
Finding a job was an easy task for me. Burger King was my
second job and I was one of their crew trainers. It was fun working in the
kitchen and I enjoyed cooking. There was a girl named, Melody, working the
upfront counter. Beautiful, sweet, charming and seemed to always catch my
attention. I swallowed hard and my heart beat fast and then it happened. “Would
you like to go out with me and go to bible study this Wednesday?” I asked. She
replied with excitement in her voice and the date was set.
We called each other every night up to the big day. It would
be my first date back in the US. I polished up my Tank that my grandparents
gave me. Granted it was a 1970 Chevrolet Impala; but I didn’t care because it
was special to me because it was my grandfather’s car. I hurried home from
school and couldn’t wait till 5:00 PM because we were going out to eat and then
to bible study.
I pulled up to her house and her sister carrying her
daughter came out of the house. Eyes puffy, tears streaming down her face and
the look of shock as if she saw a ghost was on her face. I rolled down my
window and I asked, “Is Melody home?” Long silence as she gathered her thoughts
and in a quavering voice she answered. “Haven’t you heard” she inquired, “Melody
is dead.” My heart ached at the news. I was in disbelief. With a soft spoken
voice, “may I ask what happened? I just spoke to her this morning before
school.” She tried to hold the tears back and with a crackling over her voice
and sobbing, she shared that Melody was killed on a head on collision forty
five minutes ago when a truck crossed the median and she was killed instantly. The
steering wheel with such blunt force crushed her chest. Now, I appreciate air
bags!
When I expressed I would be writing this blog to a friend of
mine, she stated, “Acceptance …Yes…. That’s always hard pill to swallow.” Her
statement resonated with me. Acceptance is like medication. It is a pill that
allows you to heal, even when a devastating blow like I just described, hits
you in the face. I could have been bitter and angry about the situation, but I
had to accept what happened.
Learn this from me. Holding anger is a poison. It eats you
from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who
harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to
ourselves.” ― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven
In one of my master’s counseling courses, I remember
studying the stages of grief. Dr Kubler-Ross wrote in her book, “It's only when we truly know and understand
that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when
our time is up -- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it
was the only one we had.” There, do
you see it? It is how to accept the blow of changes. It is how to relate to
everyone. We are fooled into thinking we are invincible. Reread her quote. See it
now? “We have a LIMITED time on earth.”
What a hard pill to swallow. How can you accept someone who
just died? How do you accept you have cancer? How do you accept you were terminated
from your job? How do you accept you are going to go through a divorce? How do
you accept the changes, which is like a blast of flaming heat?
When Dr.Kubler-Ross
wrote the statement she expressed to her children to release balloons to
celebrate her “graduation” (her death). She expressed acceptance is “living” and “so you do
not have to look back and say: “God, how I have wasted my life.”
What are you holding onto? Anger that only
cut’s like a knife? Guilt, which is acid to the heart? How do I accept change?
I had to recognize nothing is everlasting
and “old” things vanish and new things replace it; like the seasons: fall and
spring. Second, I had to realize there is a reason for change, even when we do
not want it. Melody taught me to embrace change and to value human life. She
was my first encounter with a tragic death. Finally, I had to accept change and
to embrace it as truth. No hiding from it. No denying it happened.
I stood there looking at the closed casket. The family
wanted it to be closed because of the extensive damage she suffered from the
wreck. A large framed picture of Melody was at the head of her casket. I
quietly said my good byes and placed my hand on the casket, “I’ll see you one
day on the other side my friend.”
What do you value? Lao Tzu expressed, “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them;
that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally
forward in whatever way they like.” It is never too late to express to someone how
you feel. Forgive those who hurt you. Accept those who want to love you, even
when you feel you don’t have room to allow anyone in. Death, where is thy
sting?
Accept human life as a vapor. It is only here for a little
while. Not to look past people as though you can’t see them; but you value what
they put into your life. Acceptance may be a hard pill to swallow and it comes
in many forms. I want to end this with a quote from Joanne Harris from her
book, “Five Quarters of the Orange”, “I
let it go. It’s like swimming against the current. It exhausts you. After a while,
whoever you are, you just have to let it go, and the river brings you home.”
I have two more blogs written, parts 1 and 2. These two blogs address how to accept yourself and then accepting rejection. How well do you accept yourself? How do you accept rejection? Continue next week and by accepting change we place our attitude on His anvil.
