Humpty Dumpty - It's Okay to Feel Broken

“Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant.” ~Paul Coelho.

I was reaching into the fridge to pull out a corning ware bowl; I bumped my elbow, and lost the bowl. There was shredded glass all over the stone floor. If Humpty Dumpty was an egg, then how did all the kings’ men put him back together again? There was no way of putting a 1,000 piece corning ware bowl back together again.  Luckily, no cuts when sweeping up the mess and tossing it away. 

Do you feel you are in a mess? Life happens and it seems like everything falls to pieces. It is a challenge to figure out what piece to start with and to move into a zone of being focused on putting it all back together. Maybe people give up on you and shut you out of their life because they don't like the positive changes you have made. 

Life can be challenging. Picking up the pieces to start over is difficult. There are some who will never forgive the wrong they have been done to them. There are some who want the control and will hold the past over your head. Therefore, why subject yourself to unhealthy people and their thinking when there are positive changes of moving forward with improvements in your life?

I find it interesting that some people go to work and don’t smile. Some go to worship with a smile, but life is a mess. Most do not want others to know what is going on in their life without the fear of rejection. We live in a culture where perfection is to be obtained. Don’t believe me? Then why are there so many commercials on beauty that focuses on skin, weight, hair or other parts of the body? Why do commercials state the following: “buy our product” and see the enhancement of your life?

We tend to run, when we should stand still. In our culture, men have been told not to cry and suck it up and move on. This is not healthy for anyone to not shed a tear and be emotional. When we are faced with dilemma and we fall to our knees praying, it is time to realize it is okay to be broken or to feel okay to be not okay.

“Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn’t permanent.” ~Jean Kerr 

Sometimes we allow our life to be run by others and what others think of us. We let our life be ran by a meaning of “instead”.  Instead of ending an unhealthy relationship most will stay and avoid confrontation to experience a sense of control. Instead of leaving a demanding endless job to find a new one, we stay and complain about it. Instead of dealing with the feelings we minimize the pain and accept it as the reality.

It is okay to accept the fact you are broken and in a not okay state. It doesn’t mean you are a mess and you are to be thrown away. How do you “glue” yourself back to a “normal state”?  Give yourself the permission to be broken and from there you can be made whole again. 

How?

 “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change.” ~Wayne Dyer

First, learn to accept your life as it is right now. It doesn’t matter the situation and look at it as areas of prospects of growth. Accept your mistakes, then let go by forgiving yourself by relinquishing your fears, stress and those who may blame you or try to control you by holding the past over you. Mediation helps clear the mind and negativity and recreates a renewing of your mind to focus on the positive. 

Second, set your emotions aside and become a Star Trek “Spock” and become analytical for a moment. Observe your situation and create a plan of action, but not reaction. Learn to develop an honest look at your reactions. Do you jump to conclusions? Do you feel you need approval? Do you feel you have to please others? 

Finally, I had to learn God uses broken people. Regardless of your relationships, mistakes you done in your past, or those who want to confine you to your mistakes, it’s time for a change. Discover ways to take responsibility for your joy. We may not be able to minimize the feelings of brokenness, but we can pick different things to have a basis of enjoyment, for ourselves and those around us. Accept it is okay not to be okay and sometimes we need to feel broken in order to recreate ourselves into a better place and situation. Leave behind those who will ridicule you. Leave behind those who do not mentally supply you with a sense of healthiness. 

Like a butterfly, emerge from the cocoon you have gently wrapped yourself up in and begin to fly with new energy. Surround yourself with those who are positive and will encourage you and not attack you. Develop a sense of healthiness by creating new healthy boundaries which are productive to help you reach your goal.

By putting my faith on His anvil it was a challenge in my life. I made plenty of mistakes. My brokenness and mistakes are no different from yours and vice versa. Therefore, we need to pull ourselves together and realize we can make a difference by using our broken lives to fit into the puzzle of life. I admire artists that take broken dishes to create a beautiful master piece. You may not look like the original dish, but now you are a piece of art work for others to admire. 

By Faith, 

Forging Attitude In Trusting Him

Shades of Grey--- Very damaging Here's why--

The following was taken from:

DR Meg Meeker, MD

 

I felt compelled to post it here for readers to understand from a Doctor's point of view:

A Psychiatrist’s Letter to Young People about Fifty Shades of Grey

February 11, 2015

There’s nothing gray about Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s all black.

Let me explain.

I help people who are broken inside. Unlike doctors who use x-rays or blood tests to determine why someone’s in pain, the wounds that interest me are hidden. I ask questions, and listen carefully to the answers. That's how I discover why the person in front of me is “bleeding”.

Years of careful listening have taught me a lot. One thing I've learned is that young people are utterly confused about love - finding it and keeping it. They make poor choices, and end up in lots of pain.

I don’t want you to suffer like the people I see in my office, so I'm warning you about a new movie called Fifty Shades of Grey. Even if you don't see the film, its toxic message is seeping into our culture, and could plant dangerous ideas in your head.

Fifty Shades of Grey is being released for Valentine’s Day, so you’ll think it’s a romance, but don’t fall for it. The movie is actually about a sick, dangerous relationship filled with physical and emotional abuse. It seems glamorous, because the actors are gorgeous, have expensive cars and planes, and Beyonce is singing. You might conclude that Christian and Ana are cool, and that their relationship is acceptable.

Don't allow yourself to be manipulated! The people behind the movie just want your money; they have no concern whatsoever about you and your dreams.

Abuse is not glamorous or cool.  It is never OK, under any circumstances.

This is what you need to know about Fifty Shades of Grey: as a child, Christian Grey was terribly neglected. He is confused about love because he never experienced the real thing. In his mind, love is tangled up with bad feelings like pain and embarrassment.  Christian enjoys hurting women in bizarre ways. Anastasia is an immature girl who falls for Christian's looks and wealth, and foolishly goes along with his desires.

In the real world, this story would end badly, with Christian in jail, and Ana in a shelter - or morgue. Or Christian would continue beating Ana, and she’d stay and suffer. Either way, their lives would most definitely not be a fairy tale. Trust me on this one.

As a doctor, I’m urging you: DON’T see Fifty Shades of Grey. Get informed, learn the facts, and explain to your friends why they shouldn't see it either.

Here are a few of the dangerous ideas promoted by Fifty Shades of Grey:

1. Girls want guys like Christian who order them around and get rough.

No! A psychologically healthy woman avoids pain. She wants to feel safe, respected and cared for by a man she can trust. She dreams about wedding gowns, not handcuffs.

2. Guys want a girl like Anastasia who is meek and insecure.

Wrong. A psychologically healthy man wants a woman who can stand up for herself.  If he is out of line, he wants her to set him straight.

3. Anastasia exercises free choice when she consents to being hurt, so no one can judge her decision. Flawed logic. Sure, Anastasia had free choice - and she chose poorly. A self-destructive decision is a bad decision.

4. Anastasia makes choices about Christian in a thoughtful and detached manner.

Doubtful. Christian constantly supplies Anastasia with alcohol, impairing her judgment.  Also, Anastasia becomes sexually active with Christian - her first experience ever - soon after meeting him. Neuroscience suggests their intimacy could jump start her feelings of attachment and trust, before she's certain he deserved them.  Sex is a powerful experience - particularly the first time.
Finally, Christian manipulates Anastasia into signing an agreement prohibiting her from telling anyone that he is a long time abuser.

Alcohol, sex, manipulation - hardly the ingredients of a thoughtful, detached decision.

5.   Christian's emotional problems are cured by Anastasia's love.

Only in a movie. In the real world, Christian wouldn't change to any significant degree. If Anastasia was fulfilled by helping emotionally disturbed people, she should have become a psychiatrist or social worker.

6. It’s good to experiment with sexuality.

Maybe for adults in a healthy, long term, committed, monogomous relationship, AKA "marriage".  Otherwise, you're at high risk for STDs, pregnancy, and sexual assault. It's wise to be very careful who you allow to get close to you, physically and emotionally, because just one encounter can throw you off track and change your life forever.

The bottom line: the ideas of Fifty Shades of Grey  are dangerous, and can lead to confusion and poor decisions about love. There are vast differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships, but the movie blurs those differences, so you begin to wonder: what's healthy in a relationship? What's sick? There are so many shades of grey...I'm not sure.

Listen, it's your safety and future we're talking about here. There's no room for doubt: an intimate relationship that includes violence, consensual or not, is completely unacceptable.

This is black and white. There are no shades of grey here. Not even one.

The Hobo Stew - Messy Relationships

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” ― C.G. Jung

It was a challenge for me growing up in a military family.  It seemed we were always packing, moving, unpacking and then to begin the experience of exploring new realms of relationships. It is almost like the Star Trek theme: “Space the final frontier…..”.

Relationships can be challenging. In worship, we are going through the book of Acts. People’s lives can be messy. What I fear is some Christians forget this piece of it and judge others. I have been hit by those types of bullets of judgment by others. There are some who want to tear you down because they feel threatened by your confidence or special talents and gifts that they do not have. They judge you on your past and not on the present. I want to apologize on behalf of Christians who have judged you. 

Relationships are messy because of the complexities of backgrounds coming together with different perceptions and of opinions though insights they wish to contribute into the relationship. Think of relationships as Hobo Stew. It was named Hobo stew because of what the Hobos would do around the train yards. Hobos would bring in what they had in order to make a large meal for each other as they were hopping the trains and would stop along the way to have a meal and fellowship.  

In South Dakota on a weekend, I never forgotten the big black caldron and a boat oar. Everyone would come with a can of something and throw it into the caldron as it smoldered over the hot fire. The oar stirred all the contents together. The end result was Hobo Stew. 

We can nitpick at the ingredients and find enough bad in it that we refuse to eat it. We can nitpick at the ingredients and find enough good things we like and we eat it. People are the same way. We find the good or the bad and depending upon how we view people by our present views, we can either find enough good or bad to associate or disassociate from them. 

When you complain about someone who seems to hang out on the street corner begging for food, then look at yourself and remember the last time you complained about the food you didn’t want to eat. When you complain about how many times someone has been divorced or remarried, then look at your own self and see how many jobs you been through. Or personal relationships you have encountered and let go. 

There has to be healthy boundaries in your life in order to have the proper relationship. Second, you have to have a viewpoint of Hobo Stew. We all have variety of things which make use unique. Finally, instead of finding what is wrong about things, ask yourself what is right about those things. It will challenge your thinking and outlook when developing healthy relationships. Be careful of mixed messages you send. 

Mixed signals are similar to an experience I have had. A female person stated on her online dating profile she was looking for a man that was a Christian. We corresponded and when I asked about praying together in the relationship, she stopped texting. We can go into relationships with a shotgun approach or if we sit down with a defined purpose and truth of what we want, then we can use one bullet to target what we exactly want in a relationship.

 

“You can talk with someone for years, every day, and still, it won't mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever.... connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.” –C.Joybell C. 

Relationships are like hobo stew. Sometimes it has to be an acquired taste. However, having the mindset of knowing things can be messy will help you have a clean aspect of how to approach a new relationship. In the beginning, I don’t look at my patient’s chart because I want to see it from a different perspective and to allow the patient to provide insight as to whether or not they want true help. It allows a fresh perception and not a biased skew point in working with the individual.

Accepting a person for where they are in life and walking through them can change their view on life. Let’s stop being hobos and wandering aimlessly; but realize relationships are like hobo stew. You never know the outcome unless you sit down and taste it. There are some relationships you may or may not like. Everyone has skeletons in the closet, but it doesn’t mean we should treat others in a manner they are rejected. When we set aside our self and invest into the other individual, give it time to see if there is a return on the investment. Hobo stew is nourishing If you allow yourself to be in the mix.  

By F(orging) A(ttitude) I(n) T(rusting) H(im)