Butterfly Kisses - Change

Seasons change and with them, they bring a renewed sense of hope. Even though death comes as an unwelcome guest in our life, we cope with the struggles we face. If nothing ever changed in our lives, then our lives would be black and white and no butterflies to appreciate the undaunting changes. We may feel unappreciated by others when we go through a period of change.

Often times these changes do not get the recognition it deserves. A caterpillar, for instance, does all the work of wrapping itself into the cocoon, but the beauty is recognized in the butterfly. We are only as strong as our weakest moment that allows ourselves to be. Weakness is not a sign of failure. Weakness is the cocoon for strength.

Caterpillars appear weak because they crawl, but transformed into something strong for the eyes to behold in wonder they are given wings. We soar when we overcome our weaknesses. We become clothed in beauty through our struggles. Count them as a blessing and not as a sign of failure. Happiness is like a butterfly. If you pursue the butterfly, it is just beyond your grasp, however, sit and be patient, they will gently land on you.

Struggles, suffering and change are the unwelcome death of an old habit. Storms can frighten us when we do not understand them. The rain in the storms produces the growth for the beauty for us to enjoy. When we look simply at the small scale of the storm and learn to dance, we can truly appreciate the rainbow afterwards. We all fall down, but at the end of the day all is well.

Overcoming the obstacle and changing it to wings to overcome allows room for growth. Sometimes the blind can see more than those that can see. It is the lame that can teach us to walk. It is how we use our struggles to overcome the pain. Using pain constructively can build the wings to soar. We need butterfly kisses to know the choice is ours not to view weakness as a sign of failure, but an opportunity to learn happiness in the midst of change.

Several reasons why we resist a “butterfly kiss” (change):

•  Often our purpose is not made clear
•  Fear of failure
•  Present situation seems satisfactory.

What to expect when in a cocoon of change:

•  Expect resistance
•  Expect the unknown end results
•  Expect to pace yourself

How to work through the cocoon:

•  Track your thoughts
•  Measure your results
•  Communicate positive thoughts

Caterpillars always seem to hug the ground and work through. Butterflies see the bigger picture and fly above the past situation. Getting over fear of change is the hardest. Dennis O’Grady states there are five reasons that hamper change:

1. Fear of the unknown – the unspoken message “you will lose control”

2. Fear of failure – there is a chance to fail
3. Fear of commitment – Commitment forces us to answer tough questions
4. Fear of disapproval – Fear of rejection if others do not like the new change
5. Fear of success – fear of new demands

The Butterfly effect:

1. Identify the change which can realistically be altered.
2. Brainstorm and write out pros and cons
3. Evaluate the impact and forces of changeability
4. Develop strategies to remove distractions and striving to win/win solutions
5. Ask questions that begin with what and not why: the why provides room for excuses, and the what provides the drive to reach your goal.

The key to flying with your new wings:

• Remember attitude and nothing kills change faster than an attitude of resistance. 
• Balance pleasing yourself with pleasing others. 
• Those who proficient at change do not reject good advice just to prove they are not controlled by those who give it. 
• Meet conflict head on
• Keep setting goals
• Communicate honestly with yourself and others

Remember there is no change in precontemplation. In contemplation, there is recognition to change. Prepare your changing thoughts and act upon them. After the change always maintain. Then become that butterfly and supply that butterfly kiss that others will not forget.

By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)

A Whole New World

The sun is bright. You definitely can feel it this past summer when record temperatures hit 110 degree mark for 30 plus days. The sun can blind you from seeing what is in front of you. Snow as white as it is can cause snow blindness. I have an inherited trait that when the sun is bright, my left eye closes shut, and it is a reminder; I need to put my sunglasses on.


In this hustle and bustle of life, we go through full force because we are able to see. The blind are able to see through extraordinary senses, but their world is slow, and they are able to view things differently than those who can see. Often times it is those who can see that will take advantage of their vision. However, it is the blind that use their blindness to their advantage and others.

When we are blinded by what is about me, we forget the world that is around us. Close your eyes and relax in a dark room. Pick up on the sounds and hone it what they could be. Without our sight, it is difficult to tell what is making the noise. Those who are blind can tell what that noise might be.

We are driving on the highway, and we become upset when someone cuts us off. We walk in a store and someone who is a cashier is talking to every customer making the line long. Maybe a co-worker or your boss yell at you and you are perplexed, and you may even yell back. A waiter or waitress is slow in getting your food, and you wonder why service is poor, and you leave a bad tip.

Are these irritants to your life? Sometimes we have to take our own perception glasses off and begin to look at the whole world from a different way. That person who cut you off was in a hurry to the hospital to say his last goodbye to his Veteran son that was wounded in action. The cashier who is backing up the long line was searching for someone who would listen because they wanted to check out of life. The co-worker or boss who yelled just was served with papers for a divorce and learned they were going to court. The waiter or waitress is slow because they are in shock that they learned they are dying from cancer, and they have a month to live.

Sometimes we may see people as irritants. How often do you stop and look past the situation and truly considered what is happening in life? How many times have you acted irrationally, and maybe someone said you that were being rude, or someone backed away, and you wondered why (not because of bad breathe)?

We are all humans living in the same world. As the world becomes a society that is built on individualism of what is mine, what can make me better, what is in it for me, the society starts to crumble. People lose hope. Like in the movie Spiderman, there are always two sides to a coin and it all depends upon how we flip that side and spend it that day.

Slow down and see those who are hurting. Is it being an irritant to you because you are in a hurry to do what you want to do? I am not asking to make excuses for someone’s behavior and their actions. Sometimes it is who they are and how they represent themselves. Slow down in the hurry of life and become blind to your own thoughts and look for those who are hurting. Who knows it maybe their life and yours you are saving?

By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)

The Facts of Life from UHK

Education or book smarts might be useful in life. However, application to that book knowledge is even
beneficial. The best education that one can ever receive is from the University of Hard Knocks. This is an idiomatic phrase to mean something painful in life that can have a negative impact, and it was coined by George Ade in 1912 who was an American columnist.


I have not graduated and still going through school. Here are some notes that I took from the University:

1. Be patient don’t get bored with being a child. Learn to appreciate life through the eyes of a child and you will see more than you did as an adult. Once you become an adult you wish you were a child again. – have the Peter Pan syndrome, but with responsibility of enjoying life.

2. Find time to play and relax. Do not work hard to make money that it compromises your health and when you compromise your health, you’re spending your money to regain it. It becomes a vicious cycle of an unhealthy life.

3. It is okay to have a child’s mind of being anxious about the future, but do not forget you live in the present. When you forget about the present, you are only living in the past, and you cannot move to the future.

4. Do not live life with invincibility and think you can be a super hero and not die. When death comes do not live in fear as though you have never lived.

5. Realize you cannot make anyone love them, just like the movie Aladdin because all you can do is let yourselves be loved.

6. When you look at the mirror realize that is who you see and not to compare your reflection to anyone else. Sometimes what we see on the outside is not really how it is on the inside. Reflect yourself off the truth and align yourself in the mirror of His word and realize your path can be straight compared to others.

7. Some depression can be avoided by learning to accept forgiveness, forgiving and practicing forgiveness.

8. Learn to say thoughtful words to those around you because it uplifts those, use words in a different way can take many years to heal those you have hurt.

9. Count your blessings. Often times it is not what we have the most, but what we need the most.

10. Enjoy the extra set of eyes and not take it as criticism, but that another person looking at the same thing as you are, can have a different outlook than you can.

11. One cannot do it alone, no matter how much you rationalize yourself and your failures away.

12. Finally, there is a higher being than just ourselves that has more interest in us than we do in our own self.

Have an undestanding it is not in man's ways to guide his own steps, but it is the Creators. If we can keep a positive outlook on life the better off we will be in applying the certificates of the UHK.
By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)

The Silence - Emotional Abuse?

Simon and Garfunkel wrote a song in the 1960’s called the Sound of Silence. On an interview with Terry Gross of National Public Radio, Simon explained how he wrote this song. It was when he was coming out of college and when he wrote it, he said, “It wasn't something that I was experiencing at some deep, profound level - nobody's listening to me, nobody's listening to anyone - it was a post-adolescent angst, but it had some level of truth to it, and it resonated with millions of people”


Give honor to where honor is due. How often do we go by people in stores, restaurants, all kinds of standing lines, schools, work and even in our worship assemblies do we not say a word. Silence is also used as an emotional abuse to those whom we wish not to talk to. Silence is like cancer that takes a person to ultimate death.

Silent treatment is the worst kind of humiliating attack that is placed upon its victims. Spouses use silent treatment to gain control over the situation or to prove who is right or wrong. Anger’s punch is given as a blow to those who do not deserve it.

Growing up I remember my parents giving the silent treatment to each other. Sometimes they would go three days without speaking a word to each other. Not only does silent treatment affect those who provide and receive it, but hit also hits innocent bystanders. The spray of silent bullets penetrates into the hearts of those who are most volatile to its attacks.

Now that I am older and have tried to make amends with my parents the silent treatment is still used as a weapon of choice. The latest was this summer during a family reunion. My grandmother turned 88 and is not in the best of health. My parents with my sister did not say a word to me or my family, except my two children.

I write this to help others to realize the damaging effects that the silent treatment can do to another person. Silence is not the best solution in resolving conflict; especially, when one has already tried to reach out to make amends and to restart the relationship. Silent treatment is all about control, and it is emotionally abusive, and even though it doesn’t leave physical scars, there are emotional scars.

How do you know you are in a relationship where there could be the potential of silence abuse? The following are excuses used by those who are abusers of the silent treatment:

1. I needed to have some space

2. I thought you needed space

3. I was feeling depressed and didn’t want you to be a part of it.

4. I thought we need a cooling off period.

5. I don’t want to fight and needed time away.

6. You told me to leave you alone.

In today’s society, silent treatment is coming more and more prevalent with technology. Society is becoming a society of individuals instead of collective families that are healthy connecting each day. Remember, sometimes silent treatment occurs when the abuser does not like what you do or approved by their standards. When they are shown something that disagrees with them then they punish you by the silent treatment and make you feel as though you are the leper.

Finally, how do you deal with silent treatment? One has to realize you cannot reason with someone who is this way. There is a “no win” solution and often times substituting other friends or family members that will love you unconditionally will replace those who treat you in this manner.

It is not easy and again silent treatment is an emotional abuse and a death in order to manipulate you into doing or agreeing with them. When someone uses a cooling-off period, then hold them accountable as to a date and time and when it expires then you ask them. If they do not reply or respond, then you know you are in an abusive relationship. If you are living or friends with someone who you feel is providing that silent treatment, and you need help and advice, feel free to contact me.
By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)