The Silence - Emotional Abuse?

Simon and Garfunkel wrote a song in the 1960’s called the Sound of Silence. On an interview with Terry Gross of National Public Radio, Simon explained how he wrote this song. It was when he was coming out of college and when he wrote it, he said, “It wasn't something that I was experiencing at some deep, profound level - nobody's listening to me, nobody's listening to anyone - it was a post-adolescent angst, but it had some level of truth to it, and it resonated with millions of people”


Give honor to where honor is due. How often do we go by people in stores, restaurants, all kinds of standing lines, schools, work and even in our worship assemblies do we not say a word. Silence is also used as an emotional abuse to those whom we wish not to talk to. Silence is like cancer that takes a person to ultimate death.

Silent treatment is the worst kind of humiliating attack that is placed upon its victims. Spouses use silent treatment to gain control over the situation or to prove who is right or wrong. Anger’s punch is given as a blow to those who do not deserve it.

Growing up I remember my parents giving the silent treatment to each other. Sometimes they would go three days without speaking a word to each other. Not only does silent treatment affect those who provide and receive it, but hit also hits innocent bystanders. The spray of silent bullets penetrates into the hearts of those who are most volatile to its attacks.

Now that I am older and have tried to make amends with my parents the silent treatment is still used as a weapon of choice. The latest was this summer during a family reunion. My grandmother turned 88 and is not in the best of health. My parents with my sister did not say a word to me or my family, except my two children.

I write this to help others to realize the damaging effects that the silent treatment can do to another person. Silence is not the best solution in resolving conflict; especially, when one has already tried to reach out to make amends and to restart the relationship. Silent treatment is all about control, and it is emotionally abusive, and even though it doesn’t leave physical scars, there are emotional scars.

How do you know you are in a relationship where there could be the potential of silence abuse? The following are excuses used by those who are abusers of the silent treatment:

1. I needed to have some space

2. I thought you needed space

3. I was feeling depressed and didn’t want you to be a part of it.

4. I thought we need a cooling off period.

5. I don’t want to fight and needed time away.

6. You told me to leave you alone.

In today’s society, silent treatment is coming more and more prevalent with technology. Society is becoming a society of individuals instead of collective families that are healthy connecting each day. Remember, sometimes silent treatment occurs when the abuser does not like what you do or approved by their standards. When they are shown something that disagrees with them then they punish you by the silent treatment and make you feel as though you are the leper.

Finally, how do you deal with silent treatment? One has to realize you cannot reason with someone who is this way. There is a “no win” solution and often times substituting other friends or family members that will love you unconditionally will replace those who treat you in this manner.

It is not easy and again silent treatment is an emotional abuse and a death in order to manipulate you into doing or agreeing with them. When someone uses a cooling-off period, then hold them accountable as to a date and time and when it expires then you ask them. If they do not reply or respond, then you know you are in an abusive relationship. If you are living or friends with someone who you feel is providing that silent treatment, and you need help and advice, feel free to contact me.
By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)