Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community.”“Daddy, I need that new pair of shoes.” “Mommy, I need you to tuck me in.” “Honey, I need more affection.” “Sweetheart, I need you to really listen to me.” “I need you to finish that project by Friday.” “We need you to support our foundation to feed the hungry.” “The President needs to step down from his office.” “I need a vacation.” “I need sleep.”
Needs, they are everywhere. Populate one need and it is like opening a can of worms. Your needs will vary from time to time. In 1943 Maslow offered a theory that encompasses a hierarchy of needs. He suggested that our desire to satisfy a need comes from a motivating force. This is true whether it is the physical need of survival or the psychological need of appreciation. There are two ways our needs can be met, stimulating or satisfying them.
Put two needy individuals together and it can be explosive, like two atoms colliding. In relationships, needs are typically met. Problems occur when both individuals focus solely on their needs thereby colliding without yielding. This produces arguments. In a healthy relationship, both individuals willingly recognize the other’s needs and desire to meet them.
God created humans with a need for companionship that is satisfied in different ways for women and men. The connection each one desires originates from different needs. Women feel connected when their need to be listened to has been validated through a man’s actions. A man feels connected when his needs for intimacy and affection are met. This is part of the reciprocal relationship that brings about growth and bonding within the relationship: when he feels connected, he is able to communicate the love the woman needs to feel and vice versa. Communication is the key to satisfying each other’s needs.
The need to communicate is essential to any relationship. Are you fearful in initiating a crucial conversation that is vital to the relationship? Consider your motives: are you interested in the best outcome for you, the other person and the relationship? How can you best present the conversation? Consider the wording, is it offensive or ambiguous? Maybe the receiver does not understand the communicator. Either way, effective communication is necessary to safely bring the need to the center of the relationship where together it can be wonderfully played in satisfaction.
Distinguish between needs and wants and you will be surprised how much you really are in need. We create the flow of life by our choices and the actions we take that describe the pursuit of our desires. It is the successes that you relate to and fulfillment is often not realized because you are looking for fulfillment when you are chasing success. Material needs are essential to living. The way to deal with a need is to step back and control the surge it presents and the fruits it promises.
How can you handle a need? Think of it as a boat. Your oars are your values that have positive and negative values. When you balance your rowing on your journey, sensing life’s current then your ethical balance will determine the outcome of meeting your need and providing the happiness of a satisfied need. Often satisfying and identifying a need can become a blur and it seems the same. Therefore, how do you distinguish between a want and a need?
First, identify what is necessary in your life. Start with the basics such as water, food and shelter. Recognize that when you are desperate, you would do anything to meet that need. Like stranded in the desert, you will seek shelter, food and water to exist. When not desperate, often our budget is a determining factor as to what are the necessities to provide comfort in satisfying our needs.
Next, what are your secondary needs? Transportation is a secondary need because in order for you to keep your job you will need reliable transportation. Some places do not have great public transportation and often one is required to purchase a vehicle. Secondary needs are items like a type of clothing you will need in order to dress according to your job's standards. These are not basic needs, but secondary needs.
Finally, everything else is a want. Wants are not needs and there are different levels of wants. Some are on the borderline of a need. For example, you want a new computer because the one you have is slow and outdated. You rationalize that a newer computer would not crash or be as slow in getting your work done. This could be on the border of a need because it might assist you in your job.
In relationships, it’s imperative that we have our basic needs met. We have the desire to be touched and history has proven that a lack of touch can be a result in death. We need to be honest with ourselves and it requires valuable skills. The best relationships are where each person can give and take. Notice giving should be first when meeting a person's need, yet also be receptive. We are swimming in advertisements which advise people what they do and do not need. Needs in a relationship is maintenance. You want a maintenance free relationship then that requires you to be a hermit. Bottom line is to be honest in expressing your needs to others and does your neediness choke the other person who is needier than you are?
Sally Cunnech in Leadership magazine illustrates the importance of giving attention to needs, not just to numbers. She wrote, “During World War II, economist E.F. Schumacher, then a young statistician, worked on a farm. Each day he would count the 32 head of cattle, then turn his attention elsewhere. One day an old farmer told him that if all he did was count the cattle, they wouldn’t flourish. Sure enough, one day he counted 31; one was dead in the bushes. Now Schumacher understood the farmer: you must watch the quality of each animal. ‘Look him in the eye; study the sheen of his coat. You may not know how many cattle you have, but you might save the life of one that is sick.’”
Study your needs so that you may not find yourself wanting. To be content in all things is the key to peacful and joyful living no matter your circumstances.
By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)
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