Honoring the Nurturer

It comes and goes each May; a day set aside to honor the motherly women in our lives. At Mother’s day, though, we should go beyond honoring our mothers. There are some who are not cut out to be mothers and others that should receive medals for heroics.

"The commonest fallacy among women is that simply having children makes one a mother—which is as absurd as believing that having a piano makes one a musician."  -- Sydney J. Harris

I have to agree with Sydney Harris on this.  There are women who could not have children, but through adoption, have become wonderful mothers.  There are some women who never had children of their own, but their motherly qualities shine through.

The old saying, “you can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family,” resonates with me.  Although there were difficulties with my family that brought me through rough times, I have a deep love for them.  I know my mother did her best with the knowledge she had to be a good mother. Although I was never close to my family, my mother can never be replaced and I do love her.

Through difficult times my aunt stepped up and we have “adopted” each other. My aunt married late in life and has no children of her own. They say mother’s day is for those who have had children; I disagree. There are a myriad of remarkable women whose motherly qualities shine through to those they encounter in their life journey.

"A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us when adversity takes the place of prosperity when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts." --Washington Irving

Reflect on all the women that you have come in contact with throughout your life. Whether they were aunts, grandmothers, sisters, widows, or acquaintances, how have they brought nurturing into your life? Women are uniquely designed, but are often misunderstood.

On Mother’s Day we provide gifts and do special things to express our love and thoughts about the one that has interfaced into our life. Men often try their best to impress the women in their life. It might be promises or flowers and some express in monetary ways.  Women may appreciate these things, but there is a need to go a step further.

Whether this Mother’s day is shared with your mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, or adopted mom here are some key things from a man’s perspective:

1.      Women enjoy those shared moments. It is not about the lavishness of the gift to spoil her heart.  Women are gentle and emotional creatures and they remember the actions that go along with the gift. Did you buy a dozen roses and have them delivered or did you go out and pick fresh flowers?  A woman will remember how you gave to them, how you talked and looked into her eyes, the emotion of your voice and body language.

2.      There is a false belief that women are workhorses and superwomen. Partaking in helping women by sharing responsibilities provides a sense to her that you care enough to relieve some of the stress she feels. If you are not working then you do your share or more within the home to help. Mothers are nurturers and not maids. Some women enjoy the “motherhood”; but pitching in when she is tired means more than a monetary gift.  

3.      Finally, women are critical enough and not in a derogatory manner. They are able to point out the obvious that is often missed by most. Often they will notice the cut or scrape that you missed. That is the nurturing nature in them. They may become emotional, but validating them is the best emotional support you can provide. It is tough when you feel the world is against you, but it is very supportive when they know there is a fan or advocate that supports them through tears and joyous times.

Bottom line: honoring women on Mother’s day is about them knowing they are loved. Even though some may not be the best at motherhood, they feel they have tried to do so with the knowledge and skills they acquired in their life. Therefore, this Mother’s Day, share the moment and thank those who have been in your life, regardless of how they made you feel.

If you are married to the woman that bore your children, or married to a woman with her own children, thank them for being in their children’s life and yours. If you are a female, allow the room for freedom of expression from those who are in your life to share this special day.

I love you mom and I love you Aunt W.

Happy Mother’s Day.

By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)