Bullet Riddled - Relationships - How to heal.

If God listened to the prayers of men, all men would quickly have perished: for they are forever praying for evil against one another. You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships every day. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity. ~ Epicurus

There is much talk in the media about gun control. Wait! Before you change this channel and want to read something different, this isn’t about gun control. Keep reading and hopefully it will help you in what most of us struggle in: relationships. People want to control guns because they fear them because of the mass damage they can do by one person. It really isn’t about the gun, but rather it is the person behind the gun. What is their intent when they want to murder innocent people? 

I feel this is the question, which should be discussed. It is easy for people to turn on each other and to maliciously malign or to murder. Words are the bullets, which our tongues fire out and often some do not care who they hit with words or the damage it does. 

I’ve struggled in this journey. I’ve struggled in my Christianity because what I have expressed to others and what I feel others have done, whether innocently or intentionally. None the less it is a struggle to be reckoned with spiritually. James in the bible discusses the tongue is very hard to bridle. Thus Christ said, it is what comes out of man that corrupts him. 

There was a moment in my life that was very hectic. False accusations were made and it estranged relationships. None the less a former minister wrote, what he felt was right, but caused a lot of spiritual damage. He did preface the email, “No, I have decided I must say this part” and he went on to berate me. Therefore, I feel if you preface your statement, then do not express it. 

What I realize is there was a twinkling in our crossroads and a moment of impact our words collided. No one understood the other. He felt I was blaming others. My intentions that I felt at the time were trying to explain what I did. This wasn’t the best thing for me to do at the time to explain my feelings. 

When two intentions collide in a moment that is impactful can cause a rift. Relationships can be like a war zone and it is up to both to reconcile. Thus peace treaties can be effective when wars break out. 

My heart doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Knowing that I have cancer has really changed me in wanting to walk with Christ even closely. The desire to walk and express the love of Christ is more compelling because there is so much hurt in the world. The world needs to know His love. I’m not the best at it, but I truly want to express the sincere heart of Him that carries me thru so much. Does that mean I didn’t have that before? No, it just means my walk with Him has strengthened. 

Many people have been hurt by the following: “bible bullets”, Christian actions, maligned words, false accusations, selfish motives, not letting go of the past and mainly not letting Him heal. Each person tends to blame or excuse the moment in time. It bothers me when the expression, “I am only human” comes into play. It does not rectify the past action and denies what one should do in the future. 

Watch the calm water. Toss or skip a rock. What happens? There are rifts in the water and it cannot be undone. We can minimize the impact on the shoreline, but none the less the rift still hits the shore. It is what we do next determines the outcome. 

What do we do in that moment? Do we blow up? Withdraw? Fight back? Never darken the doors of a church or never be a friend to someone that you have known? 

Break the word down, “relationship”.  Relate means to find a purpose in understanding the other. Ship carries cargo through waters that can be troubled or peaceful. The purpose of a relationship is to help guide each other’s ships and relating communication that will help keep the ship on course and not collide into each other or dangers, which lurk in the water. 

Have you been hurt by “bible bullets”? Have you been hurt by other actions?  Have you been hurt by family, friends, or at work? 

I didn’t know how to apologize. I grew up learning to excuse or blame when I apologize. Example, I am sorry that I did, fill in the blank, and my intention was this and truly sorry that I hurt you. I excused and never validated the other person. Someone taught me an apology is stating, “I am sorry for my actions and they really must have hurt you. Since, I hurt you, I will try not to do that again and ask for your forgiveness.” 

Words are like nails. They can hold into the mind with valuable and useful information. They can do damage and leave holes, even though words cannot be taken back. They can be forgiven. 

Whether a father, mother, spouse, sibling, family member, Christian, church member, neighbor, work place, chose words that seem to have hurt you, there is a choice that is to be made. When I read the bible and not just attend a “religious organization”, it sheds light on something different.

There is a light house that shines across our waters. We are the ships that sail in the journey we call life. It is how we relate to each other that join the ships to make it a relationship. The choice to be made is through forgiveness and love. Forgiveness is the peace treaty to stop firing the bullets. Love finds a way to keep sailing in the midst of our battles and storms, which rage. 

I’ve been hurt by ministers, elders who never called to see how I was doing, Christians that chose sides with an ex-spouse, churches who do not support when I was in need, relationships that were abandoned, but I too have caused hurt through my words, whether intentional or unintentional. We can blame the church or others or we can blame ourselves. The real issue is not found in blame. Blaming minimizes the event and not focusing on the remedy of how to move forward. 

The real concern is when will our words begin to be the salve to the wounded heart? When we choose to opt out of a relationship because we have been hurt is an easy way out. Forgiveness, whether it is warranted or not, frees you! Love, whether it is warranted or not, heals you! Learning to let go and not turning things inward can stop the waters from drowning your ship by the impacted bullets and storms, which rages around you. Learn to work at the relationship. If the other person is trying it will take work. Giving up  doesn’t teach you how to relate. 

Learn to listen and set aside the self. It isn’t about what you did. It is about what you should do. Learning to understand that someone could have had a bad day and those words may hurt you, but look past that word and into the heart of the person. Jesus looked past Peter’s denial. Called Peter to forgive the past and called to love Christ. 

Do not let others stop you from having a relationship with Christ or the Creator. Forgiveness and love opens the door to many other options. When others do not want to relate, then let go of it. Let the Father deal with it. Focus on the mission to love others and forgive, while denying your selfish desires. You are worthy to be called His. Take damaging words and create bridges that you can overcome and be a better person for it. Having a relationship with Christ and emulating what He has called us only makes the “bible bullets” be like rubber bullets. They bounce off and will not penetrate the soul. 

Trust me, I know it hurts. I too am tired of hurting. When I hurt, it hurts others by my actions. When I forgive and love, it mends relations. Even though the ships may never join, at least there is the freedom to sail without the anchor of guilt and regret holding me back from finding the Lighthouse. Christ is the lighthouse, which calls us to become a better person than where we were. It is putting our soul on the anvil. Forging (F), Attitude (A), In (I) Trusting (T) Him (H) that makes a difference when you sail. 

Human interaction should not stop us from having a relationship with Him. When we fail to forgive, and fail to love, then we deny ourselves the relationship that was meant to be. I’ve learned a lot in the past year in my walk with Him. It is with prayer, there can be healing in words through forgiveness and a way to relate with other ships that can create a bonding of a relationship. 

By Faith, (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)

How to Ride the Emotional Roller Coaster

Psalm 34: 17-19.  “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.”

It all depends how much you want to endure. Can you handle being in the front? Maybe, you enjoy being in the back. Sometimes, the middle is good, depending on where you are able to get on. It would be nice if life had those choices. 

What if there are noises and the wind may take your breath away; can you handle it? There are so many twists, and turns with surprised curveball twists. Sometimes you can become light headed depending where you are seated. Can you handle being upside down? What about going through those hoops? Just thinking about it can seem nauseating. Do you have a clue as to where you are by reading those questions and statements?

When you read this have you determined, what ride are you on or where you are? Maybe, you are at your local fair or amusement park. The ride you encounter is the roller coaster. I have ridden numerous roller coasters and as a child I remember riding my first one with my mentor (grandfather) at the Nashville Grand Ole Opry Park. 

When the Texas Giant opened in 1990, I was a youth minister and took my youth group to Six Flags in Texas. The Texas Giant was one of the largest roller coasters with a 147 foot drop at a 79 degree angle. Wow! Fortunately, the line was not long and we were there on the second day the giant officially opened. We were the second group to get on. The ride was a thrill, but when we got off we heard the following announcement,” We are sorry the Texas Giant is closed due to a mechanical malfunction.”

Wow! What if questions set in and it wasn’t comforting hearing the news and the “could have” thoughts set into a rolling motion. There were many thoughts and questions about other rides and if I wanted to ride the Giant again. 

Life is like a roller coaster. We seem to think things will be safe and we enjoy the moment and the thrills of our life and not have any thoughts or concerns about the here and now. Only the endorphins that race through the body to give us that “feel” good moment.  Then it seems the brakes are put on and everything comes to a halt. Crickets seem to chirp and you wonder where everything went.

Hearing the bad news, like you have cancer or your loved one has died, can be like the Texas Giant where things have to shut down for maintenance. Do you deny the news? Do you panic? Do you break down and cry? What do you do in this situation?

Living in the “University of Hard Knocks”, I feel I have several diplomas in this area. Having a tremendous amount of stress can often make you feel like giving up. I’ve been there and know how difficult it can be with roller coaster moments of feelings. Now multiple problems all at once, can be very overwhelming experience and it is more than just your average roller coaster moment of emotions. 

How do you ride the roller coaster? 

First, captivate those thoughts and make them obedient (2 Cor 10:5). We all have a way of quietly or verbally talking to ourselves. This is called Self-talk and it can be a valuable tool to deal with stress and emotional moments if used correctly. It can be positive (“it will work itself out”) or it can be negative (“it will never get better”).

Second, mediate and relax to help relieve the stress in order to calm your mind and body (Ps 119:78, 1 PT 5:6, 7). It doesn’t help when your mind dwells on the actual events taking place. I truly understand it is easier said than done. Just like running the Boston Marathon, one has to train their body to run. It cannot be done overnight, if you are out of shape or practice. Meditate and cast your anxieties on Him and only He can provide the calm in the midst of the storm. It isn’t the peace that is absent, it is the security in knowing He will take care of it, even though it seems the ship is sinking. 

Third, find a close friend whom you know can be there to support you in your time in need. Having someone to talk to can help release the tension and provide good release and feedback. Your mind is like a Styrofoam cup and the troubles are like ice, if you do not talk about it, eventually you will break (James 5:16, 1 John 1:9). 

Finally, set healthy boundaries of what you will allow or will not allow. You teach others how to treat you. Learn your limitations of what you can and cannot do. Most of all swallow your pride and ask for help. Sometimes our problems are bigger than us and we need to be humble to ask for help. 

When you ride the roller coaster of life, learn to yell, throw the arms in the air and act like you don’t care. The ride will eventually be over and soon enough the more you ride the more you will learn to cope with any problem. It is trusting Him and building that faith. Faith is Forging Attitude In Trusting Him. We may think it will take an eternity, but things do eventually work out. Not like we may think it will, but we have to trust in Him. It is the god of this World that inflicts pain. It is the God of the heavens who wants to comfort and bless because he loves you. You are worth it. Have fun on the roller coaster, sit back and enjoy the ride. We are all in it together. 

By Faith,  

Truth or Fallacy - Trouble-Free Life?

“The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter.” ~~Paulo Coelho,

I viewed the movie: “God is Not Dead”. It provided an excellent insight to the possibilities of everyday life and perspectives on how some view their own life and the full circle of how life has an impact on others. I have prayed and thought about a scene where a son finally visited his mother before writing this article.

He said, “look where you are at.” The scene continued and in a moment of silence, his mother, the elderly woman, replied to her son, "Sometimes the devil allows people to live a life free of trouble because he doesn't want them turning to God," I understand the concept, but then again, I feel  there is a fallacy in that statement. 

We are lead to believe in another lie. Often we see the outward appearances of what seems to be a troubled free life in others. Especially it becomes noticeable, when someone appears to be successful or has a great mask of happiness on, but underneath at night they are lonely and bitter.

 The woman’s phrase sounds interesting and shifts blame from oneself to the devil as to a free troubled life and that “he allows it”. Yet, when does the god of this World have the power to “allow” anything to happen. How does one define or live a trouble free life? If one is to think that statement is true and does not look at the main truth, can be lead to a false hope.

 However, if this statement is compared to the source of truth, as in Jesus said, “he is the truth”, then the truth is revealed in Jesus’ following words; “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33), Is Jesus’ statement true: “you will have trouble?”

God allows all things to happen because humans were created to have free will. We choose to live or die, we choose to fail or succeed, we choose to worship or not, we choose to love or hate, we choose to sit or rise, we choose wisely or poorly, but in these choices, God works according to His will. It is our choices that have an everlasting ripple effect that benefits the kingdom. Sometimes our choices are taken from us by others mistakes and poor choices, like murder, theft, r drunk driving.

Tests do not provide a “trouble free life”. They never have and never will. Therefore, to think someone can live a “trouble free life” is denying there are troubles. Think about the last time, when you had to take a “test” in school or a medical stress test. Is the intent of the test to determine if you are trouble free? During the test were you not worried about the outcome? During the test were you worried if you retained the knowledge and how much trouble did it cause you to "stress"?

Tests or trials are to awaken our inner spirit and our mind in order to become fully aware of our potential. Tests are to measure, to instruct or provide the ability to test whether or not we as students can learn or retain knowledge or to understand our limitations and areas we may need to improve. 

God already knows man’s heart and the intentions it produces. God allows tests for mankind to be awaken to what he fell asleep to. Take for instance the scene of the Bethesda Pool and the lame man of 38 year laid there.  Jesus’ tested him by asking, “Do you want to get well?” The man replied with an excuse,” Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” He forgotten his purpose of being at the pool and given up hope.

Testing provides an awakening of our mission and purpose in life. Sometimes to restore, maintain or increase our hope. David was always asking God to test or to examine his heart to see if they were true to God (Ps 26:2). The word test meant to be proven by trial. There is a purpose in our testing to help us to realize is our faith strong or wavering and to understand we can overcome our testing through faith. The testing of our faith increases the growth and maturity to be disciples in a dark world where the god of the ages wants us to be disillusioned with a trouble free life. 

The choices one makes can determine whether or not the test is passed. If there is trouble then our choice was poor and if it is wise, then there is a blessing to be reaped. To think we live in a trouble free life, to “force an idea” that God wants us to turn to Him is manipulation of our free will. 

God allows things to happen in order to help mankind to understand He is the Creator.  He blesses us to help us to understand that if we lean upon Him and have faith, then we too can overcome. Even though we turn to Him doesn’t mean we have a troubled free life. 

Setting healthy boundaries, sacrificing self, being humble, loving others, and loving Him with all of our heart soul and mind can reduce a trouble free life. How? Learning to be content in any situation you are in and learning to WATCH and listen during the storm of testing. We can’t control nor lean on our own understanding in trying to escape. We have to fully depend upon the Creator because He has provided us everything to this life and for godliness (2 Peter 1:3).

Learn to discern what His will is for your life. Be content in your testing. Testing will determine your quality of your work (1 Cor. 3:11-13). Learn to discern and be careful of what seems to be too good to be true in movies, and in your social settings. Jesus warned us, “Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to cast some of you into prison, so that you will be tested (Rev2:10),” does not sound like a trouble free life. 

Therefore, find encouragement in your trials and testing and learn to overcome. Watch and test yourself by not comparing yourself to others (Gal 6:4). Finally, do not accept things blindly, but to “test the spirits to see whether they are from God” (I John 4:1). We may want a trouble free life and I have prayed for it. I also learned that if I had a trouble free life, that I would not have grown deeper in faith and a love for a God. 

Despite my cancer, I recognize He is my creator, Savior and all blessing come from Him. It is the god of this world that wants me to be angry with God because of my troubles. To feel as though you are trouble free is to be at Peace within His presence. To realize He is in control (He ALLOWS) and if we overcome our testing, then it seems we are "troubled free" because the Peace is placed within us and His presence subsides our fear. 

It is by Faith (Forging Attitude in Trusting Him), you are encouraged to understand, and no one lives a trouble free life. It is our poor choices that sometimes lead to the trouble we have in life. No matter, God always seems to work things out for His kingdom, and we have to have the faith in Him that we are more than conquerors.  Do not lose heart and when you begin to find someone who can help walk you through the journey of your testing. For it is the god of this world (Satan/devil) that tries to divide His children by isolating them and for us to think we are alone in our testing and troubles.

Psalm 46:1 “GOD is our REFUGE and STRENGTH, a very present HELP in TROUBLE.”

By Faith,

Word Play- Building Bridges with Words

Words are the tools to build bridges between two hearts. It doesn’t mean we have to cross the bridge to be on the other side with the person. It only enables a path to provide forgiveness and love and other alternatives for you to be free. ~Steve Hudgins

What defines crazy? Who defines the words we use from day to day? We use words as a form of expression to try to convey to others our terms and feelings of what we experience. Too often our words seem to be taken for granted. Often our words are turned to be used against us. Words can paint pictures in our minds that are relative to our experiences. 

Reading a book, like Tom Sawyer, can be challenging if one has never experienced the outdoors or understand what seems to be the simple life to some. We allow such books to create an imagination of a world that helps us to escape from everyday life. We try to picture ourselves in the here and now moment and wonder, what it would be like on a boat or even to go fishing. For some we know what it is to have a good friend like Huckleberry Fin. Most haven’t even read the book: The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain. 

Mark Twain expressed words in this way, “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” There are words, which convey destruction, like I hate, I will never forgive and I hope you die. There are words, which end life’s construction of moving forward like I won’t, I couldn’t and I can’t. There are words, which provide inspiration, like, I love you, and I am praying and thinking about you. 

Too often I feel we take our words for granted. Life becomes crazy and hectic and often words slip from the tongue and nail a person to a wall. Other times words can cheer up a person when they are down in life. How we perceive life is determined on our attitude and choice words we use to describe.

Jesus stated, “It is not what goes into a man that defiles him, rather what comes out of man that defiles him.” When people make accusations it destroys everything around them. When people drink negative they will provide negative actions and words. 

Words should be used to magnify and enhance a relationship. Not destroy. When someone is going through an event, sometimes just being there for them is important. One does not have to have the urge to say anything, but in silence, the person who is hurting is still comforted in knowing how you feel without expressing anything.  Just your presence and a soft touch can provide the warmth and enough words to express you care. 

Today, I feel we do not do enough to communicate in a healthy manner. Texting, emails, and letters do not do enough to socially provide the personal touch of hearing a voice and tone with the sincerity behind the words.  Silent treatment is the termite to any relationship and it is the cancer that eats at the one that is hurt. Video games, internet, movies, or anything which is an independent function takes away words to communicate. 

Try to always find a kind word to speak. Find ways to give positive affirmation. You will never know the legacy you will leave behind or the last word that will be spoken. It will be the impact of that word that can leave a lasting impression. Relationships are not meant to be dealt with in silence, which causes damage. Heal those relationships even when you do not feel like forgiving. 

To be free from wounds or pain is to let go by expressing words of forgiveness. To gain a relationship is to express words that are healthy and assertive. Words that set boundaries helps increase the chances of developing that relationship like Huckleberry fin and Tom Sawyer. There is freedom in expression, but it is confined by what others may think about us. When this happens we give up the control to the other person and our words remain in the deep well of our being. 

Relationships are important and it isn’t based on the first or last conversation. It is based upon who a person has been through the entire relationship. It isn’t expecting, hoping, trying to control in order to have security in a relationship. It isn’t looking back at what it was or looking forward to what it could have been. Relationships have to be living in the present and accepting it as it is now. Each relationship cultivates a strong suit or limitation within you. When we instinctively no longer necessitate needing someone, then truly a real relationship can begin.

My grandmother always thanked me for calling her and always expressing to me, “thank you for the flowers for today.” Stop and meditate to find that peace in your life. Choose your words carefully, and provide them to someone who could be hurting and longing for a touch of a word to relight the fire in their soul. Words are the tools to build bridges between two hearts.It doesn’t mean we have to cross the bridge to be on the other side with the person. It only enables a path to provide forgiveness and love and other alternatives for you to be free.

Therefore, express yourself and let the brain be free of thoughts with words to convey your thoughts. It can provide the necessary freedom from the shackles, which confine us to guilt and shame. Too often we let our thoughts confine us into a prison of negative and darkness. We are called to the light for He is the Word and has been from the beginning. His truth will set you free. If you allow the WORD(s) of healing to be taken into your heart, then the positive words can flow freely from you, in order to provide healing to those who are hurting. 

When we stop communicating or we don't know what to say, then we fail to be true to our self. Then lies, and negative self talk begin and thoughts of the other person can distort how we truly see them as they are. It is all about how you want to play the words in a negative or positive way. It is all in word play, but playing with words is dangerous ground. Always seek the need of the other person above your own, and provide words of encouragement. Say hello, to that cashier that is having a difficult day. 

The movie Avatar had it right in an expression of this phrase, " I SEE  YOU". When we use words to express the positive affirmation or express feelings in a way that is constructive and healthy, then we have a bridge and our hearts will truly know and express, "I see you." Seeing a person is vital to a healthy sense of you. To ignore the person or situation only creates a subconscious prison, which confines and limits you from other relationships.

It is by Faith (forging attitude in trusting Him), we are to have words that are healing, consoling, building and encouraging one another. I am tired of a negative world, being trapped in a defeatist or victim mentality. It is time to change and to live in the light to encourage a play on words. I pray you may be uplifted today, because You are Worthy!

By Faith,