A Hard Pill Called - Acceptance (part 1 Change)

“You couldn't relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole--like the world, or the person you loved.” ― Stewart O'Nan, The Odds: A Love Story

I was 17 years old and barely new into Oklahoma. My father transferred air bases from Japan to Tinker AFB in Oklahoma City. What a culture shock, even though I was an American it was hard to adjust back into a fast paced society, where in three years there were many changes, which took place. Ma Bell was broken into different entities. Speed limits on highways changed. It was difficult to accept these changes.

Finding a job was an easy task for me. Burger King was my second job and I was one of their crew trainers. It was fun working in the kitchen and I enjoyed cooking. There was a girl named, Melody, working the upfront counter. Beautiful, sweet, charming and seemed to always catch my attention. I swallowed hard and my heart beat fast and then it happened. “Would you like to go out with me and go to bible study this Wednesday?” I asked. She replied with excitement in her voice and the date was set.

We called each other every night up to the big day. It would be my first date back in the US. I polished up my Tank that my grandparents gave me. Granted it was a 1970 Chevrolet Impala; but I didn’t care because it was special to me because it was my grandfather’s car. I hurried home from school and couldn’t wait till 5:00 PM because we were going out to eat and then to bible study.

I pulled up to her house and her sister carrying her daughter came out of the house. Eyes puffy, tears streaming down her face and the look of shock as if she saw a ghost was on her face. I rolled down my window and I asked, “Is Melody home?” Long silence as she gathered her thoughts and in a quavering voice she answered. “Haven’t you heard” she inquired, “Melody is dead.” My heart ached at the news. I was in disbelief. With a soft spoken voice, “may I ask what happened? I just spoke to her this morning before school.” She tried to hold the tears back and with a crackling over her voice and sobbing, she shared that Melody was killed on a head on collision forty five minutes ago when a truck crossed the median and she was killed instantly. The steering wheel with such blunt force crushed her chest. Now, I appreciate air bags!

When I expressed I would be writing this blog to a friend of mine, she stated, “Acceptance …Yes…. That’s always hard pill to swallow.” Her statement resonated with me. Acceptance is like medication. It is a pill that allows you to heal, even when a devastating blow like I just described, hits you in the face. I could have been bitter and angry about the situation, but I had to accept what happened.

Learn this from me. Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.” ― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

In one of my master’s counseling courses, I remember studying the stages of grief. Dr Kubler-Ross wrote in her book, “It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up -- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.”  There, do you see it? It is how to accept the blow of changes. It is how to relate to everyone. We are fooled into thinking we are invincible. Reread her quote. See it now? “We have a LIMITED time on earth.”

What a hard pill to swallow. How can you accept someone who just died? How do you accept you have cancer? How do you accept you were terminated from your job? How do you accept you are going to go through a divorce? How do you accept the changes, which is like a blast of flaming heat?

When Dr.Kubler-Ross wrote the statement she expressed to her children to release balloons to celebrate her “graduation” (her death). She expressed acceptance is “living” and “so you do not have to look back and say: “God, how I have wasted my life.”   

What are you holding onto? Anger that only cut’s like a knife? Guilt, which is acid to the heart? How do I accept change?

 I had to recognize nothing is everlasting and “old” things vanish and new things replace it; like the seasons: fall and spring. Second, I had to realize there is a reason for change, even when we do not want it. Melody taught me to embrace change and to value human life. She was my first encounter with a tragic death. Finally, I had to accept change and to embrace it as truth. No hiding from it. No denying it happened.

I stood there looking at the closed casket. The family wanted it to be closed because of the extensive damage she suffered from the wreck. A large framed picture of Melody was at the head of her casket. I quietly said my good byes and placed my hand on the casket, “I’ll see you one day on the other side my friend.”

What do you value? Lao Tzu expressed, “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”  It is never too late to express to someone how you feel. Forgive those who hurt you. Accept those who want to love you, even when you feel you don’t have room to allow anyone in. Death, where is thy sting?

Accept human life as a vapor. It is only here for a little while. Not to look past people as though you can’t see them; but you value what they put into your life. Acceptance may be a hard pill to swallow and it comes in many forms. I want to end this with a quote from Joanne Harris from her book, “Five Quarters of the Orange”, “I let it go. It’s like swimming against the current. It exhausts you. After a while, whoever you are, you just have to let it go, and the river brings you home.”

 I have two more blogs written, parts 1 and 2. These two blogs address how to accept yourself and then accepting rejection. How well do you accept yourself? How do you accept rejection? Continue next week and by accepting change we place our attitude on His anvil.