Making an Impact

“...if anything matters then everything matters. Because you are important, everything you do is important. Every time you forgive, the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes; with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, my purposes are accomplished and nothing will be the same again.” ― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack: Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity

If anything, I prefer being married and have always enjoyed being married. Yes, there have been ups and downs, but the key is learning communication skills. It seems we have been driving in a world with a shotgun blast approach with no intent of a direction.  Having a successful relationship of any kind requires successful planning of the mind.

It appears there are some of us who do not have an ideal plan of what to do in relationships with each other. Relationships whether it is with our spouse, community or dating relationships; each is uniquely formed; but how are they cultivated?  We live in a consumerism society and there are some who tend to throw relationships as if they were the next bag of chips. 

Miscommunication and technology seems to be the rippers to the seams of threading relationships together. It is becoming a single society and even in marriages there tends to be a thread of singleness of doing what pleases oneself. 

There are some husbands complain about their wives not taking care of themselves. There are some wives complaining because there are men who are looking at pornography and not pleasing them. There are singles that blindly go into relationships because they feel a void or feel rejection and they desire to fill the need to be wanted. There seems to be a single minded concept even in relationships.

God has a unique plan in being single. I developed an acronym for starting a single’s ministry, where I attend worship. The acronym I feel can apply to anyone for we are all accountable for ourselves. 

The acronym: Serving Independently Navigating Godly Living Everyday

If we choose to be single, or if we are in a marriage and there tends to be a single approach, then let’s consider how to serve one another. There appears to be a lack in getting involved by serving because we fear rejection or being judged. 

Successful communities can thrive when there is an invitation as a single individual contributing to his or her ideas to the group. Opposition is what grows new way of doing things. It appears the government and media want to squelch independent thinking in order for everyone to conform to one ideal, regardless if it is right or wrong. 

If you are in a relationship, married or single, I want to challenge you in looking at yourself as a single person. Michael Jackson uses the phrase, “Man in the mirror” as a way we need to do reflection of our life in order to make a change to live in a better place. 

Sometimes SINGLE can have a negative connotation to it. If one can reduce or fight off narcissistic, egotistical, mindset of serving self and focus on the needs of others, then this world can be a better place. What are you going to do to navigate your life in such away where someone in your life can be served?

Okay, I get it. Sure you are asking me the question: What if I get hurt?  While working with the Criminal Investigations Unit they taught when you are driving a car and you anticipate having a crash, do not tense up. Why do you think drunk drivers do not get hurt in a wreck? They are in a relaxed state. 

Our emotions, thoughts, feelings can be trained to be in a relaxed state and go into a relationship knowing there can be hurt involved because there are expectations of each other that may or may not be met. The vulnerability we feel is determined on the trust level. Jesus, said to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. The information we provide to others is like money. Be careful where you spend it. Invest wisely in those whom your investment can be enriched. 

I want to challenge and encourage you in your relationship to serve with the intent of navigating with a heart of godly living. You say, I don’t believe in god. Then serve mankind in a way you want to be treated in a way you feel the investment will affect those around you.  Feeding the homeless or volunteering at a shelter or mentoring a teenager who doesn’t have effective parenting. 

Let’s make a difference by investing into serving one another and be surprised how better you feel. There is risk and like anything there is always a risk. Therefore, develop a plan of intent and deliver with a one bullet approach in making an impact in someone’s life. 

Every day we need to put our life on His Anvil by Forging Attitude In Trusting Him (faith), 

 

By faith,

 

A Boxed Mind - How To Open It Up.

The limit to what we can recognize is the margin to our liberty. (SHudgins)

Why are children fascinated by boxes? We can decorate them and become robots for Halloween. We store things away in them. We move our things from one place to the next. It holds everything we may or may not need. 

Our mind is like a box. We hide things we do not want to confront. We store things we do not use. We move information in and out of our mind. We can get rid of useless appointments, but we seem to hold onto self-aversion.  We hold onto pain as if it were a security blanket. 

Our mind can often confine God into a small box in order to try to understand or limit His abilities to our standards. The box tries to make sense out of the nonsense and chaos in order for there to be some peace. It is like He becomes a Genie when things go wrong. We wish the wrong would not happen and for Him to make it right by our demands and terms. 

When there is hurt a wall is put up. Soon there are feelings of being confined to the box in our mind. In relationships, sometimes there is a feeling we are stuck in not being able to do anything about it. The lid to the box is the thoughts: should’ve, could’ve, won’t, cant and it will close you inside like the jack-in-a-box.  The box contains these four walls, which are often formed by our thoughts: 

• 1^st wall: Feelings of unhappiness, but feeling there is nothing that would make you happy.

• 2^nd wall: Feeling of failure and no one will ever love or accept you.

• 3^rd wall: Feelings of seclusion by unable to tell anyone your thoughts, because you will be judged or they would be disappointed in you.

• 4^th wall: Feelings of being unworthy because you feel you can't do anything right. 

When you feel discouraged, hopeless, angry or frustrated sometimes you could be boxed in and feeling alone; unable to express your feelings without rejection. Shutting down and not talking is putting yourself in a box, when there can be clarity through the misunderstanding between you and the other person.  Pushing other people away or not allowing others to become close to you is being in the box. 

Our mind produces such strength which affects our mood. How you relate those thoughts to yourself can be uplifting or condemning. Continuous flow of negative thoughts with self-criticism results in a care-free attitude. These thoughts create undo stress. Stress induces the body to react to itself by becoming sick with headaches or weakening the immune system. 

How can we get out of the box?

•  Be self-aware. If you are shutting down and pushing others away by being in a silent moment or the feeling unworthy, then find that one person who is always willing to listen to you. 

• Challenge your wall by taking the thought: “I can’t”. Write out your obstacles. Write out ways around them and create positive statements. Say those positive statements to counter act the negative thoughts.

• Peek outside the box and stimulate your visual sense of the positive successes you have had. Like a photograph of positive memories.

• Reward yourself and celebrating the successes you do have. Write out those steps and create the motivation to initiate the momentum of moving forward.

Finally, be open to new things. Step outside your comfort zone and look outside and reach out to others who are outside of their box. Create your own rules and don’t let them define you.  Going after your dream and failing is a less of a risk than not going after it and having a negative thought of never knowing what could have been. It is easy to be boxed in. It is harder to fight for your dreams and hopes, but you will begin to realize how precious life truly is. 

Changing your perspective on your experiences will free you from everyone else’s insecurities that are projected onto you. It is true the world we live in has high demands and we are expected to be the best. However, we can fear and hide in a box or we can overcome them by thinking differently and choosing not to fear. Love is the motivating factor. It is the gas to the car that will help you run the course of your life with momentum that you are a valuable player in this game of life. 

“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

May you continually forge your attitude in trusting Him and not be boxed in by self-defeating thoughts. I have found prayer is the key of keeping me out of the box.

By Faith, 

The Forgotten - Forging a New Year

 “I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.” –Albert Einstein

A year has closed and the chapter finally ended. A new chapter begins as we write in the first pages of day 5 of 2015. Reflection can help or can hinder our growth going into this year or any start of a new year. 

I watched the movie called New Year’s Eve. It is a movie based upon individual lives and how they handled their specific problems.  One of the characters, Ingrid, has a bucket list to do before completing before the New Year begins. A man in the final stages of cancer, (Robert De Niro) in the hospital refused chemotherapy, but wishes to see the ball drop one last time. A man who has a Scrooge like attitude is stuck in an elevator with a new girl from the apartment complex 5B and falls in love with her. A broken relationship is mended in the end.

Why did I mention this movie? I feel we all have an impact on each other; good or bad. When we reflect on our past year we can only hope to have a new year. Everything we do is based upon those around us. 

A smile to the cashier at the grocery line may brighten her day. You wouldn’t know her grandmother is dying in the hospital.  In line you pay for the person’s meal behind you and not knowing tomorrow would be their last meal. A simple text of good morning to someone is leaving a mark in their mind that you are thinking about them. However, you didn't respond and seconds later they were in a car crash that killed them.

There is a tendency to bark at someone who isn’t meeting your expectations. Sure, we say we want a person who can laugh and have fun. Maybe we want our spouse to surprise us romantically. Yet, are we finicky when it comes down to how we want to be treated or are we confused in how we want to be treated?

“How would your life be different if…You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day…You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey.”  -- Steve Maraboli, “Life, the Truth, and Being Free

I feel in today’s world there is little room for error.  Have we have forgotten how to listen and to communicate without subjecting our own two sense? Is there is a tendency to fix it, but is there a lack of motivation to carry it through to the end?

As we start off this New Year think about a new way of being different. How can we take the hurt and turn it into something positive and make a difference? Sometimes it is a challenge to feel overlooked. Standing in line at QT the cashier checked out two people before me, even though I was there before them. There was a message in that moment. 

We may feel like our life is invisible. However, it is the opposite effect. Our life has impact on others. We may not control how others treat us, but we can control how we treat others. Communication is very important. Remember, we are not characterized by how others treatment of us-it is what defines them. 

I want to challenge you this year that if you feel invisible and you feel forgotten, remember, there is a Creator who loves you and knows you. Sometimes, it is doing the opposite of what we feel. Don’t ignore someone when they try to reach out to you. How do you know they don’t feel invisible and they are trying to have a connection? There is nothing right or wrong about having new friends.  

Let us not forget the song, “Auld Lang Syne”. A Scottish poem written by Robert Burns in 1788: “Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?”

The final challenge is to reconnect to a lost love one. Offer forgiveness, mercy and grace to others in your life. Never be afraid to feel vulnerable in doing the right thing. Be a visible light to those around us, so that at the end of this year we truly can have a meaning to remembering all the people who filled our this past year and formative years. 

Happy New Year may we continue to forge our attitude in trusting Him, 

By Faith,