W(ar) A(gainst) L(iving) L(ife)- Tearing down a W.A.L.L.

We all have defense mechanisms. When we do not want to deal with something or someone, we tend to put up an invisible wall. However, what does that wall look like? There are different types of walls. However, A WALL is a W(ar) A(gainst) L(iving) L(ife). Walls do not want us to face the reality of the other side. It is a mindset that hampers growth.

As individuals we tend to put up a wall to wage war against what we feel we do not have time to face. Some walls are made not to see what is on the other side or another person’s point of view. Some walls are hardened layers of shattered emotions. Some walls are made up of feelings that we do not want to face. Walls are made to surround ourselves to help us feel safe. Walls keep the noise out. Walls are a defense mechanism to keep unwanted intruders. Walls are a self-preservation mechanism that is formed from hurtful events or embarrassing situations that stop you from allowing yourself to recall the event or acknowledge the hurt.

We were made to live life. Not hide from it. There are other barriers, we can build that will not hamper us from living life. Respect is one barrier. Stating you respect yourself and hold others accountable is one way of creating a barrier that will not result in having to put up a wall.

Setting healthy boundaries and being consistent will allow you to live a life that you define. Putting up walls against others, allows others to control your life by putting you in a box. We are called to be free and to live life. Learning to set healthy boundaries and respecting yourself is liberating versus living in a box full of wonder, fear, anger, guilt, or regrets.

A wall does not allow us to view either side. Assumptions are made from both sides. A wall creates more problems because one will have to maintain that wall. Instead of putting up a wall, why not set healthy boundaries? Unhealthy boundaries are dysfunctional just like walls. When we establish clear boundaries, we define who we are in relation to others. However, as individual you must be able to identify and respect ourselves through our needs, feelings, and opinions or our efforts will be like putting up a wall or a fence without knowing the property line.

There are two types of boundaries. Physical allows us to define who can touch, who can come close or how someone can touch us. The other boundary is an emotional boundary of where our feelings begin and end. Healthy boundaries can ask who takes responsibility. Do we take responsibility for our feelings and needs, and allow others to do the same? Together these boundaries define how we interact with others and how they can interact with us.

Walls are unhealthy boundaries because one does not allow you to live life. Anne Katherine has a few good tips I would like to share in how to set boundaries in her book: Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin.

• Clearly identify the need to set your boundary without anger, justifying, rationalizing or apologizing and do it respectfully.
• You are only responsible for communicating that boundary. A wall does not allow you to see what is coming next. A boundary allows you to see and if your friendship does not allow you to maintain that respect, and then do you need friends who disrespect your boundaries?
•  A boundary takes practice and do not let anger, anxiety or low self-esteem build a wall and prevent you from taking care of yourself. 
• When you set your boundaries, expect to be tested. Be firm and remember your behavior must be in alignment with your boundaries you are setting. You cannot establish your boundary if your message is not clear and respectful. 
• Setting healthy boundaries allows your true self to emerge. You do not have to hide behind a wall that others have fashioned for you. 

Learning to respond and not reacting will help keep those boundaries in place. Create boundaries that will protect your relationship and not a wall that will divide. Walls will not ensure you will not get hurt again. Potential relationships are not worth putting through various tests as ropes to climb your wall. Most will fail and if they are over the wall the relationship will fail because the boundaries of respect for them and yourself were not made. Work on becoming a strong person and set clear boundaries.

You do not have to live behind and wage War Against Living Life. Move out from under the brick of hurts, wounded pasts, fears and unmet expectations. Live a life of praise and allow that life to collapse a wall that has kept you from living (Joshua 6:20).

By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)