Stone Faced

Knowing  your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people - Carl Jung

Ever been to England, France or China where magnificent architecture is built with stones? A stone by itself is just a stone, but when assembled with others, what a wonderful view to be admired. What else can mankind do with rocks? Create modern buildings, bridges, jewelry and tools?

When I lived in Rapid City, South Dakota, rocks were fascinating. A man created Mt. Rushmore by carving the presidents’ faces out of stone. In a mineralogy class, I learned about rock types and created wonderful jewelry pieces; there are three basic types of rocks.

Igneous rocks are crystalline solids that are formed directly from cooling magma; some are granite, pumice, and basalt. Sedimentary rocks are layers of debris that has been compacted and cemented together because they are a result of accumulation of small pieces broken from pre-existing rocks; some are limestone, reefs, and coal. Metamorphic rocks are rocks that have been changed by temperature and pressure and include slate, diamonds and marble.

A friend of mine posted and with her permission this is her story with modification:

“I had a nice long talk with my mother the other night. Ok, I'll admit it was long, but not really nice. The older she gets, the more emotional and close-minded she gets, so our conversations usually consist of her telling me what I need to improve on and that my liberal opinions on religion are going to send me and my kids to hell.

Anyway, I know this woman and I love her dearly. She has the best of intentions. But while she worries about my hand-clapping soul, I worry about her judgmental soul. I told her I needed my faith to be my own, of which she understands, but she also is convinced I am headed down that liberal path.

Our conversation lasted about 2 hours, most of which I was silent because 1) I don't want to hurt her and 2) I am convinced my words will not make a difference in her way of thinking. Am I giving up on reaching her? Pretty much; my question is: what do you think is the biggest mover of hearts? What touches people who are made of stone? What gets through to them? Words aren't the answer in this situation.”

Humans are similar to rocks. Some can be hard stone faced. Either way, a question was asked: What touches people who are made of stone?  What gets through to them?  Words aren't the answer in this situation.

Dealing with people who seem to be made of stones can be rather difficult.  Even individuals that have problems can be difficult.  Even the Disciples of Christ had problems and came to Jesus and asked why they could not cast a demon out.  Jesus replied, only this kind takes prayer and fasting (Mark 9:28-29).

Sometimes prayer avails much when we pray for someone. Yet, it is how we pray for someone that determines what can happen. What if you prayed in this manner, “please soften my heart, so that I can see into that other person’s heart, in order for there to be a peaceful relationship between us?”  You also have to believe in your prayer.

It is a challenge when working with difficult people. Christ was the answer to how he dealt with them, but he knew mans' hearts. That should not stop us. Christ said to be shrewd like snakes and gentle like doves. It takes wisdom when handling those whom most difficult for us. My parents, for example, haven't spoken to me, but that is their choice; we feel sad that they are losing out. However, could it be a blessing for me to heal and to provide great therapy to those who are hurting? God has ways for us to step back and look at the overall picture.

Christ is the masterful craftsman that can touch people made of stone. Could Judas have been made out of stone with the intent he was set out to do? If you look at the disciples, each one is a broken person. The church is made up of broken people coming together, being made whole in Christ so they can reach out to others who are wounded.

Often, stones are good to look at but difficult to reshape. That is why this kind can only be done through prayer, allowing the Potter to soften the stone.  Kindness is what can get through to them. Kindness is like water that pours over the rock, which, over time can slowly erode the hard surface. Ever crack open a rock and find it was hollow inside? Sometimes stones need to be filled on the inside; so why not fill them with kindness? Words are the answer to this situation.

Words in prayer and being able to use the prayer like water through kindness, but most of all it is actions.  At times people like to stir up strife and accuse others because they are hurt. There may be times when you need to call it like it is or take a step back or even approach them with kid gloves. Determine what kind of stone they are. Are they marble and unreachable? Are they limestone or sand stone that is fragile when handled roughly? Maybe they are a gem stone ready to be discovered and just need the polishing touch to shine or be put to good use.


How do you use the stones to build the bridge in a relationship?

1.      Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. When you react to stone cold negativity, then you are allowing your inner space to be disturbed by creating mental pain within yourself.

2.      It is not about you, it is about them. When others create that stone face, it is a reflection of their inner being and it is projected onto you. It is not personal; why do you take it personally?  It is the ego, which partakin fellowship of problems and conflicts. It is the sinking ship syndrome that they want to take you down with them in their boredom or unhappiness. Some are willing to seek out that attention because that is the only attention they know how to receive.

3. To soften the stone, use forgiveness. Forgiveness is like water; when sincere, through change of behavior, it can get into the crevices and erode away the roughness of their thoughts.

4. Be a jeweler that can look at something in the raw. Look past the person and see what the underlying cause could be. Could it be they had a rough childhood and this is their response? Maybe, their religious belief system causes them to react without having researched further truth? Therefore, ask these questions, “If I do not respond, what is the worst possible result?”or “If I do respond, what is the worst possible result?” These can add perspective into the situation.


5. Finally, do not strike against the rock in anger; speaking to the rock can get more results.


Sometimes life has dealt a crushing blow and some stone faces have not learned to shine like a diamond from the coal state. Which are you: a piece of coal ready for others to use or are a diamond ready to be put to good use? Diamonds are the hardest of stones, able to shape other stones. Depends if you allow your flaws to shine through, or you allow others to show you off. Have a heart of gold and do not get stoned!


By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)