Flirting with the Deep End - When to Jump

"To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.”~Alan Watts 
 
A friend of mine in college challenged me and another mutual friend to take a swimming class with him. All three of us went and took the class. It was a nice indoor swimming pool. Mind you, I enjoy the water, but it was the deep end and jumping off the diving board that scared me the most. It was the fear of drowning because I don’t like the feeling of not being able to breathe. I also think I watched too many horror shows, which had people getting stuck into the swimming pool drain. 

There was a slight problem with the swimming class in my viewpoint; it was from September to December. Now, why would it be a problem if you were indoors swimming? We were protected from the outside elements. We just walked in from the freezing cold of the first week in December and there the coach stood waiting on us.

The coach didn’t look happy and said, “Before you jump in, I want you to do 5 laps. I want you to swim the full length of the pool; but I must warn you; the heater of the pool is out!” My mouth dropped. Yes, the temperature of the water was 56° cold.  He shared that if we did the 5 laps he would let us go early, but wants us to experience being in cold water in case we ever had to help rescue someone. 

Talk about being a human Popsicle! We stood in the shower after our swim for at least 20 minutes before the next class. Thank goodness for who ever invented the boiler for hot water. In order to receive an A in the class you had to jump off the diving board into the deep end. Now, for those of you who know me, you know my fear of heights. I want to leave you right there on the diving board with me and talk to you about faith, then reveal to you what actually happened. 

Have you ever been put into a situation and just didn’t know how to handle it? Your thoughts race through your mind. There are sleepless nights. There are some who have a loss of appetite or the other end of the spectrum called emotional eating.  We wonder about the future to come or even the outcome of the situation. You can work yourself into a frenzy and anxious moments if you are not careful. 

We are afraid of the unknown. We want to have control over situations. We want the assurance. It is how humans were built, but it doesn’t have to define us. If there have been traumatic experiences in the past and not reckoned with, then it can turn into agoraphobia. 

There is a technique I use to help children understand and sometimes adults about control. I place a $5.00 bill into my hand and close it. “Now, show me how you would get the money out of my hand” I would state to my patients. Some would try forcefully to pry open my hand. Try to peel open my fingers and dig into the palm to get to the money. Eventually they would give up seeing how it was difficult to open. “Now, aren’t you tired?” I would ask and they would reply, “Yes very tired”. Then I shared, wouldn’t it have been easier to ask for it? 

We want to have control and power over the things we do not have control over. We think it is in our grasp and can do things on our own. Often we fool ourselves into thinking we do not need anyone to help us. We can achieve it on our own. Yet, words are more powerful than muscle. 

I was in between jobs and I applied for several positions at once. It is mysterious sometimes how the Creator works in our life. On Monday, I was given three job offers; funny how things come in threes. Anyway, the first job was in the field I wanted to go into, counseling. The second job offer was a recruiter for a technical school as a recruiter. The third job was a contract position for three months with no chance of being permanently hired in. 

The first job was limited in pay, but something I desired. The second job was a lucrative offer with a six figure income, but working nights and weekends. The last job was perfect except the temporary job scared me. I could have control over the first one, but supporting the family would mean a lot of sacrifices and limited lifestyle. The second job would get bills paid off in two years, but my family would suffer. The last job didn’t have benefits, security or the hope of a future. Then, there was always the other option to keep looking. 

When there is opportunity present, it was time for deep reflection to see the purpose in all of this. Seeking advice and prayer was crucial and I only had a 24 hour response to do something. Heart pounded, sweaty palms and Oreo cookies didn’t help the situation. 

I prayed. I thought. I sought for answers. Finally, it dawned on me about the three things and how it was similar to how Christ was tempted. Scriptures taught me to test the will of the Father to see His purpose. What do you think I chose to do or did I venture out on my own for something better?

I decided to walk the faith. I wanted to test the will of the Father and see what His purpose was for me. Walking by faith was scary. However, I chose to go with the temporary job in September. Project management was an easy task for me. Organizing, collaborating, putting things into place, but the unknown was out of my control. I prayed daily to seek to understand the purpose in all of this and wondered if I made the right choice. 

December came and three months was up; but it wasn’t over. Walking on faith meant that I had to forge my attitude in trusting Him and He would see me through. Trust; isn’t easy when you cannot see the unseen or the future. Now, my outward appearance in my walk indicated to others that I was a faithful follower of Christ and my faith was strong. Yet, they didn’t know the internal struggles that I faced. I had to decide that moment I had to walk my talk. 

I was hired into a permanent position doing something different. It also allowed me to go to school and get my Master’s degree in counseling. Almost three years later after I left that job, here I am doing counseling. It leads me to many people of different walks of faith. Those walks also lead others to Christ. 

What do we fear? I looked down from the diving board knowing that I wanted an A in the class. I slowly walked out and jumped; then the splash into the deep unknown. The survival skills came to mind and the immediate response to work towards the surface of the water began.  It was a moment of triumph of swimming. 

Do you feel sometimes you are swimming in the unknown? Sometimes we have to walk that walk blindly, not knowing what is around the corner. Sometimes it is getting into the deep end and learning to let go. How did you learn to walk? Encouragement by our parents and the ability to get up and take that initial step and all we need is to tie our self with those who will encourage us to take the step of faith and depend fully on the Creator; even in the midst of a storm. 

I’ve learned He has not failed me, but brings me to a better position than I could ever be. How are you swimming?

By Faith,