Learning life’s lessons is critical to improving your life’s outcome to your decisions. Recently, I was teaching a class and was criticized that I wasn’t a good teacher. The comment by their email was, “I’ve watched you struggle this quarter.” Then the email is followed by, “However, the class continues to decrease in attendance and this surely weighs on you. I pull alongside of you in sympathy.”
I find it rather cowardly they couldn’t come to me and sit down face to face and express their opinion or benefit of the doubt they didn't have time for me. Maybe they meant well out of best heart of their intentions. However, how does one address such negativity?
First, you have to look at the source of the one who wrote it and why they didn’t want to sit down with you to talk about this matter. Second, there were many compliments on my class and interesting to note this person say’s they, “watched” me struggle. The decrease in attendance was not due to teaching. There were two weeks of parents being gone and the third week being Mother’s day. Attendance can be down and yet there were two other teachers teaching with me in this class. Finally, if you know the facts about yourself then these two statements shouldn’t really matter.
The email continues to state, “Teaching isn’t your gift. I urge you to not be disappointed because the teaching venue doesn’t seem to ever reach lift-off.” My response to this person: “If this is accurate then why not mentor me?” This person who wrote the email is a person who likes to be recognized. This is evident by a recent blog, ” I thought, "how neat." What a great group of guys...so I walked over and stood with them. I didn't know the topic and was never drawn in. But as people passed by they could not help but notice the "four" of us standing having a mutual (?) chat of some sort about a world matter that I feel sure impressed the many passers-by.” Then in another blog post, this same person writes, “My class went really well. I spoke opposite (*****) and (*****) and 4900 other classes and managed to siphon off somewhere under 6000 attendees for my small place!”
Wow, I thought to myself and concluded what does one gather from this information? For one, it bothered me with the email criticism about my teaching. I sent various emails out to the ones who I knew would be truthful about my approach to class. They know I enjoy improving my life. They answered back in replying they enjoyed the class and wish there were more classes like it. Some noted too much info in a short about of time. Over all the response was good. Finally, I feel when dealing with criticism you have to look at one that is speaking and the heart they have in it.
How do you do this? You have to ground yourself in the word. It helped to recall 1 Timothy 4:12, “let no one look down on your youth, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe.” This person who is older and more experienced should have sat down face to face and have this conversation. Instead of saying, I am not talented, this is not God’s calling for you, and then they should mentor me instead of crushing the Spirit. Whatever their intentions may be of a person that is criticizing you always look at the Word to find Truth.
This bothered me for weeks and it should not have. Sometimes you have to rise above criticism because there is an ulterior motive behind the one criticizing you. I did respond back to this person and asked, "If you feel this way, why not come and talk to me face to face and mentor me?". There was no response.
Therefore, it is best if you pray and search and let God lead. Don’t be discouraged by others, but let God encourage you through His calling you! If you feel a need to face your criticism do so and ask to meet face to face.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you are not good at what you are doing, unless they are willing to show you how to do it themselves.
The lesson that taught this teacher is to look past the criticizer. Don't take it to heart. Compare what they say against the Word. Then by the course of prayer if need be change or improve. You can't please everyone. Just please the one who has called you!
Finally steps to take:
1. What Can I Learn from Criticism?
Most criticism is probably based, at least in part, on some truths. Criticism may appear negative.
2. Respond to the suggestions not the tone of the criticism.
In this respect we need to separate the criticism from the style of criticism.
3. Value criticism.
If we wish to improve and develop we should invite constructive criticism and appreciate their suggestions.
4. Don’t take it personally.
This is often the biggest problem which occurs with regard to criticism. When people criticise us directly, we should feel they are not criticising our real self; but, just an unillumined aspect of ourselves. When we criticise others, we are perhaps criticising their pride or jealousy; but, the jealousy is a mere passing emotion, it is not the real person.
5. Ignore False Criticism.
Sometimes we are criticised with no justification. This is a painful experience. But, potentially we can deal with it more easily than criticism which is justified. One option is to remain aloof and ignore it completely.
6. Don’t Respond Immediately
It is best to wait a little before responding. If we respond with feelings of anger or injured pride we will soon regret it. If we wait patiently it can enable us to reflect in a calmer way.
7. Smile
Smiling will motivate the other person to moderate their approach.
