"The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive
the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move
forward.” ~ Steve Maraboli
It is strange how a disease can change a person’s
perspective on life. It seems all of a sudden you are being pulled out of the
Matrix and plunged or immersed into a positive view on life. Every thought goes into trying to set things
right. Learning to let go of past thoughts, forgiving those who have
intentionally or unintentionally hurt you and to choose to not to be a victim
of circumstances by reminding others of what they have done, but choosing to
forgive them instead.
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Sometimes there are tornadic thoughts whirling aimlessly in my
mind and not being able to grasp a single thought. That is some storm, which
brews in the mind of facing the reality that my life is shortened by the
thought of cancer. Some days, I just want to let go of life because there is
wonderment if I impacted people in a healthy way.
There is a deep passion within me in wanting to help others
because of my own pain of being bullied, made fun of because I was born with a
cleft palate. The scar on the lip is minimal, but I notice the eyes that are
drawn to it, but I call it my battle scar of things I have overcome in my life.
I have chosen to make the right choices
and letting go of the plagues of past and future thoughts. I want to be pouring
myself out to others. Oh how much I pray my actions were received as such and
if not I am sorry.
I realize how broken I am and know He can still use broken
things to benefit others. That is why I am here writing this and praying you
are reading it with such intensity that it will somehow help you in your walk
of not giving up. Learn to let go and not harbor the past. To be free and be in
the Matrix of positive living and not the negative we seem to be immersed in
from day to day.
It seems it is easy to say, “Let go” and let Him handle it.
Let go of what? How do you let go of things that are not tangible? It leaves
the mind to confusion and it occurred to me that I was making things
complicated by over analyzing. Not everything has to be done in a physical
action to get a result. There has to be an attitude forged in practicing
forgiveness and mercy.
Learning to practice forgiveness and leaving things alone
was to let go of the plaguing thoughts. It is learning to let go of control.
Cancer taught me I had no control. No cure. I can’t rip it from me. I had to succumb
to my Creator in a broken state, then to learn how to walk with Him. Not to
listen, but to watch in the midst of my storm the amazing things He began to
do. Letting go means to not control actions or events. It is a habit we are accustomed
to in society that we want to pick up those thoughts and analyze our: would
have, could have, should have and the only ifs thoughts.
Negative self talk is a disparaging thing you can do to yourself
and that is what I relate to as the plaguing storm of thoughts. The storm
blocks seeing past the self destruction and the destruction your choices or
actions have caused. One cannot take back the past.
Think of it as nailing a picture upon a wall. When the
picture (person) is gone the nail (you) is left in the wall not supporting
anything. When you remove yourself (from the relationship) it leaves a hole in
the wall. The wall (life) is now imperfect and there is damage to the
relationship, the impact you made, whether good or bad, is left as a scar. You can
cover the hole with speckling (love and forgiveness). Yet, there is a battle
scar.
What we do with our scars determines the outlook we have on
life. I feel if it is mentioned more
than once that it is important to recognize what is being said. Jesus said
twice,” I desire mercy, not sacrifice.” (Matt 9:13, 12:7). He called the
sinners and told others if they had known what these words have meant that they
would have not condemned the innocent.
Too often there are some, which allow others mistakes, to
interfere with having a relationship between them. No, I am not saying if
someone continues to sabotage or provide an unhealthy relationship to continue
in it. I am saying if one is genuine in change or showing an effort to ask for
forgiveness, then we are to be merciful and not condemn them for their past
actions. One can say, “I forgive” all they want, but it is the actions of how
we treat that person going forward.
Letting go means, letting go of the control of trying to
handle everything. When we live a life in the example of Jesus, there is mercy
and faith being built up that He is in control. There was an adulterous woman (John
8) brought before Him by her accusers. She was thrown down to Jesus’ feet
demanding she be stoned. According to Jewish law, her and the one she was
caught with was to be stoned. Jesus bent slowly down and with his finger began
to write. I feel He gently was taking her tears like ink and writing into the
dirt the names of those who were also guilty and possibly those who were
standing there.
He could have by law have stoned her and yet, Jesus’ said, “I
desire mercy.” He stood up and said, “Whoever
is without sin cast the first stone.” One by one they all left. He didn’t condemn
her. I feel too often Christians want to cast the first stone and forget they
are sinners themselves, but by the grace of God and the blood of Christ they
are saved. Yet, I feel if they continue in the attitude of demanding recompense
or pointing out people’s sins or not loving others that the blood and grace is
not enough to cover.
I see the wounded. I’ve been wounded by church leadership,
other Christians by their actions. Some stop going to church because of the
wounds. That did not stop me from having a relationship with Christ. Mankind can
judge or try to control, toss aside the broken, but that will not stop me from
worshipping a Creator, who loves a broken man that I am.
Letting go is learning to be merciful. Yes, we are going to
be hurt. We can remain in the hurt by constantly reminding others what they have
done or provide mercy and forgiveness and patiently see how the Spirit works in
the newness. It is with humility and
prayer this will encourage you to learn to let go, so that the past will not
eat at you. I expressed that I had no regrets of things I have done. It doesn’t
mean I am not remorseful, for truly I am. It means I am thankful that it
changed me to who I am today as a better person, otherwise this message would
have not been written. Letting go is to become shackle free of life’s thoughts,
hurts, and disappointments and living free in the mercy and grace of our Savior
in a matrix of positive thinking. Live in positive thinking by putting it into
action, by living by faith, not fearing the hurt, but learning to be merciful
when others are broken.
