“It's strange indeed how memories
can lie dormant in a man's mind for so many years. Yet those memories can be
awakened and brought forth fresh and new, just by something you've seen, or
something you've heard, or the sight of an old familiar face.” ~ Wilson Rawls, Where the Red Fern Grows
While growing up there was a favorite book as a child I
would like to read; entitled, “Where the Red Fern Grows.” It is about a young
boy, named Billy and his two coon dogs “Old Dan & Little Ann”. Billy became excited to go hunting with his
two new coon dogs and sought advice from his grandfather on how to trap a coon.
His grandfather taught him an old trick by using a bit and a brace.
The coon
would slide his hand inside the brace in order to pick up something reflective
(like a piece of metal). The coon would
clasp his fist around the metal and would not let go as it tried to pull it out
of the brace. The coon was relentless on not letting it go, therefore causing itself
to be snared.
Sometimes as humans we are similar to the raccoon. We want
to hold onto what seems “attractive” and later on it seems to plague us. In my
own correspondence with others, I have come to a conclusion, even within my own
journey in life, that humans have a tendency to hold onto things, which are not
healthy.
I am not writing about a physical disorder called, “hording”.
A Hording Disorder is someone who never
throws anything away because there is some attachment to the object. Things collect
and can become a health risk. To them it is something with meaning and to the outsiders,
it is seems as useless trash.
The mind is similar to hording and it can become an
unhealthy mind. This is what I would like to refer to as, “mind hording” of
specific events, words, actions, guilt, shame, remorse, feelings, trauma to
which becomes unhealthy attachments into the mind. At times it is very difficult to accept or
embrace the changes we encounter or the fear of encountering. It takes a lot of
strength and energy to hold onto something and not letting it go. We lose time
and quality relationships by holding onto what are not productive situations.
In my personal experience, I conveyed a thought and I did
not know the effect of my communication to an ex-spouse, until three years
later. It was revealed to me in a discussion, which turned into an argument, that
she harbored the words and the statement for years and did not talk to me about
the hurt she felt. When I conveyed my statement in a different way, it made
sense to her and she relinquished the ill feelings she had harbored for so
long. The thoughts that were held for those three years affected the attitudes
in both of us.
Letting go is a very difficult challenge. It is like a
raccoon becoming snared in the box because it wants the shiny object and with a
closed fist, it can’t pull its hand out of the snare. Often we can find
ourselves trapped in relationships because we fear the unknown. Often we want
to hold onto what hurts us as a self-defense mechanism to keep others at bay. Words,
events, actions of others can be like shiny objects; never wanting to let go of
the familiar. When we embrace change, accept what could or may not happen, then
only then will we be strengthened by understanding it takes letting go of the
emotional attachments.
There is an option to take to free oneself of the
destructive thoughts, grudges, resentments, so that it isn’t manifested through
attitudes, which are projected onto others. I feel there are two keys to a
better sense of a healthy mind. It is
something I learned after years of holding onto resentment of loved ones, which
stemmed from my childhood and teen-age years. I had to let go through
forgiveness. It improved the relationship and it allowed me to be free and
through attitude, too see them in a different perspective, which allows me to
be happier.
First key is forgiving. It does not mean to erase your past
or to forget. It doesn’t mean the other person will change their behavior, but
it means you are letting go and clearing the mind to allow positive thoughts to
flow. The second key is communicating. Communicate with your self, by thinking
through things clearly and then communicating with the other person your
thoughts and feelings.
Figure out how you could have been partially responsible for
what occurred. Could it have been prevented and can it be in the future? It isn’t
accepting all the blame or taking responsibility from the other person; it is a
mind process to allow positive thinking instead of negative thinking. This
process allows one to realize we are not a victim, but a participant in life,
which can help make one a victor.
Letting go means you cannot control the actions of others;
only you have control over your thoughts and actions. Letting go means to quit
reliving the hurt by rehashing past events and languishing over the “could have”,
the “only –if”, and the “should have” events. There is a power to move on, but
it takes exercise of the mind to the will of forgiveness.
It is easy to say let go. I know I have heard it all my life
and sometimes resented others for telling me to let go. The realization which
helped was not in the words itself of letting go, but the confusion of how to
let go. It was unfamiliar territory for me. Having been taught on how to hold
onto things because of sentimental value or wanting to hold onto things because
of past memories was easier (familiar).
Instead, these things were tearing me up and being projected
onto others. I had to understand, there can be miss communication at times. I
had to learn how to exercise of letting go. I had to think of all my problems
and realize I needed to change. I thought about the pros and cons of how it affected
the relationships, the pain the problems caused, are my thoughts stopping me
from pursuing what I wanted. Then I had
to look at communicating my thoughts because they were sometimes wrong in my
perceptions and had to make amends and then forgiving myself and others.
The mind can be a prison, which enables you to be bitter and see life as a pain. Instead, the keys of communication and forgiveness can open the prison and enable you to see life in a positive view of overcoming, even in the bleakest of times. Hold onto precious memories like Billy in the Where the Red Fern Grows and not on events which cause more pain. It is letting go of the familiar and walking in the uncharted territory and accepting the good and the bad, which allows you to let go to see a world of Hope.
By faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)
