The Lucky One -- Memorial Day

"How do you explain something that you can't even understand yourself?" (Logan, The Lucky One)

It is 7 am as I sent down to write this blog and many thoughts are rushing to my mind like a wave coming upon the beach. A cool breeze this morning from the south and an overcast sky sets the tone of the words I wish to convey. My prayers were said this morning in thankfulness for …

The Lucky One…..

My heritage is full of family members that have served this country and the freedom we have because of what they have done. From the time they served George Washington to the present day, it is a privilege and honor to serve this country. The United States Army from 1992-2000 has prepared me to be helpful to my fellow mankind, to be proud of the service to my country, and to provide freedom to those who need it.

The movie entitled, “The Lucky One”, struck a lot of thoughts. Several times my units were deployed and God spared our units from not going. We prepared our units, loaded our vehicles onto the trains at Fort Hood, Texas to be sent to California. We went through prepping stages and as soon as we were on lock down the message came through that Saddam Hussein stood down.

Many of my friends that had went survived and some came back leaving a part of them in the war. The movie portrays a Marine Soldier coming back from the Iraq war. A picture isolated from its owner lies on the ground. The Marine finds it, embraces it and he is determined to find who the woman is in the picture. He describes her picture to her as an angel sent to hell to save him. In one seen, as he is back home, portrays him being startled by boys and his reflexes reacted. He explains to his sister he cannot stay and sets out on foot in search of his angel.

The movie portrays him as the Lucky One. Today, as I reflect upon the movie, my comrades that lay in cold ground, and those who have served with me, bears a cross of remembrance in my mind. Those who did not die can be considered the Lucky One. However, I want to look from a different perspective.

You may have not served the country, but in some form you have supported the country through those who did. Soldiers have emotional wounds and often I cannot fathom the trauma they experienced and the thoughts that roll through their minds. Are they the lucky ones?

This weekend our great country remembers those who have fallen. The “unlucky ones” as we might classify them, are remembered. Families torn and hurt over the loss will grieve with mixed feelings. Soldiers who survived have emotional scars will reflect upon the war fought and the casualties that were harvested by the Reaper remembered.

Wars are not won through battles. Wars in reality do not have winners or losers. Wars end because they realize the overwhelming losses on both sides. There are no, “Lucky Ones” when wars are fought.

Soldiers who fought can be called heroes. Those who survive maybe called the Lucky One. However, I believe in some form we are all the Lucky Ones. Reflect this Memorial Day as you being the Lucky One. A price has been paid through your freedom through soldier’s blood. The flag stands for freedom as her stripes wave with blood stripes waves in the wind. The overcast sky reminds me of a passage in the bible as Christ hung upon the cross for the worlds sins. As Christians we are the lucky ones spiritually.

Memorial Day brings out the emotions that are buried and they are raised and surfaced through tears that shed our pain. Let not, it be a day of mourning, but instead let it be a day of feeling lucky or blessed by God we can live another day in freedom. The red, white and blue are symbols of pride and bought freedom in blood.

Thank a living veteran for his or her services to this country. Often times they are not the lucky ones because of the emotional scars and wounds they bear. You are the lucky one because of them. Let not it be a day of regrets, but embrace the chance to start life over because of the freedom they paid for you. The Tomb of the Unknown is a reminder of the sacrifice that was made. May we never forget we are the lucky ones as we sit in freedom to worship our creator, a choice to vote for the next elected officials and a chance to eat with family members in our observance of those who have fallen.

By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)

Honoring the Nurturer

It comes and goes each May; a day set aside to honor the motherly women in our lives. At Mother’s day, though, we should go beyond honoring our mothers. There are some who are not cut out to be mothers and others that should receive medals for heroics.

"The commonest fallacy among women is that simply having children makes one a mother—which is as absurd as believing that having a piano makes one a musician."  -- Sydney J. Harris

I have to agree with Sydney Harris on this.  There are women who could not have children, but through adoption, have become wonderful mothers.  There are some women who never had children of their own, but their motherly qualities shine through.

The old saying, “you can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family,” resonates with me.  Although there were difficulties with my family that brought me through rough times, I have a deep love for them.  I know my mother did her best with the knowledge she had to be a good mother. Although I was never close to my family, my mother can never be replaced and I do love her.

Through difficult times my aunt stepped up and we have “adopted” each other. My aunt married late in life and has no children of her own. They say mother’s day is for those who have had children; I disagree. There are a myriad of remarkable women whose motherly qualities shine through to those they encounter in their life journey.

"A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us when adversity takes the place of prosperity when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts." --Washington Irving

Reflect on all the women that you have come in contact with throughout your life. Whether they were aunts, grandmothers, sisters, widows, or acquaintances, how have they brought nurturing into your life? Women are uniquely designed, but are often misunderstood.

On Mother’s Day we provide gifts and do special things to express our love and thoughts about the one that has interfaced into our life. Men often try their best to impress the women in their life. It might be promises or flowers and some express in monetary ways.  Women may appreciate these things, but there is a need to go a step further.

Whether this Mother’s day is shared with your mother, grandmother, aunt, sister, or adopted mom here are some key things from a man’s perspective:

1.      Women enjoy those shared moments. It is not about the lavishness of the gift to spoil her heart.  Women are gentle and emotional creatures and they remember the actions that go along with the gift. Did you buy a dozen roses and have them delivered or did you go out and pick fresh flowers?  A woman will remember how you gave to them, how you talked and looked into her eyes, the emotion of your voice and body language.

2.      There is a false belief that women are workhorses and superwomen. Partaking in helping women by sharing responsibilities provides a sense to her that you care enough to relieve some of the stress she feels. If you are not working then you do your share or more within the home to help. Mothers are nurturers and not maids. Some women enjoy the “motherhood”; but pitching in when she is tired means more than a monetary gift.  

3.      Finally, women are critical enough and not in a derogatory manner. They are able to point out the obvious that is often missed by most. Often they will notice the cut or scrape that you missed. That is the nurturing nature in them. They may become emotional, but validating them is the best emotional support you can provide. It is tough when you feel the world is against you, but it is very supportive when they know there is a fan or advocate that supports them through tears and joyous times.

Bottom line: honoring women on Mother’s day is about them knowing they are loved. Even though some may not be the best at motherhood, they feel they have tried to do so with the knowledge and skills they acquired in their life. Therefore, this Mother’s Day, share the moment and thank those who have been in your life, regardless of how they made you feel.

If you are married to the woman that bore your children, or married to a woman with her own children, thank them for being in their children’s life and yours. If you are a female, allow the room for freedom of expression from those who are in your life to share this special day.

I love you mom and I love you Aunt W.

Happy Mother’s Day.

By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)

Why me? The Jepoardy Question

Questions are never indiscreet, answers sometimes are. ~ Oscar Wilde

I went into the woods and got it. I sat down to seek it. I brought it home with me because I couldn't find it. What is it?

Who could resist? Obviously that is a great question and now as you began to read, you could not resist to finding the answer to the question. Do you have the answer? The answer to the question is like a hook and worm to the fish. The question seems to bait us in. When we try to give an answer, it is too late. We are hooked. Sometimes, feeling obligated to blurt out the answer.

When someone wants an answer there is a moment to jump in and help. When someone looks or asks for help, it is human nature to help. Therefore, if you sat down to seek it and couldn't find what it is; then what is your answer? The answer is a splinter.

Trivia games are riddled with questions and you have to answer as many as you can to win. What year did Harry Potter debut in the movie theaters? The answer is 2001. What was Elvis's first hit song? The answer is "Heartbreak Hotel” in March 1956. What year did the movie Roger the Rabbit, debut? The answer is 1988.

What was the song that no cartoon could resist? Here is a hint to the last question: It was an early recording that used the 7-note at the beginning and ending of a 1915 song by Billy Murray. Often cars, trains or even humans by knocking on the door, tapped out this interesting, but irresistible tune. It’s like poison ivy to the brain that makes you itch to get the remedy and sooth the brain with an answer.

Pop quizzes in school were difficult because you had to know the answer right then. Okay, I get it, you are still itching to come up with the answer. So why are we plagued to coming up with an answer to questions that often seem so mundane? You are right; I forgot to give you the answer. The answer is to keep reading the blog and you will receive the final answer.

Life is more than just the air you breathe. Elements are like an impact wrench that chisels away at the very core of your being. A two-year-old child that constantly asks why can be nerve wracking. Yet, all of us at some point has asked the question, why me?

Some people blame tough events and ask the Creator; why me? You get news you have cancer and wonder, why me? It is a tough question that just does not come with a cookie-cutter answer. What about why am I always messing up? Why does this keep happening to me? It is the pattering knock of the song, Shave and a Haircut, and we want to answer, two bits.

Roger the Rabbit tried so hard to resist answering back with two knocks (Shave and a Haircut and is the answer).  Someone dies and we feel compelled to come up with an answer.  Silence is often the right answer. Being there for someone hurting is the right answer. Not everyone wants the problem solved or fixed with an answer to their question.

Why questions can play the victim role; but not all ‘why’ questions do. Pay attention to the energy level the “why” is being used. Change the why (easier to rationalize and shift blame) to a “what” question. What is challenging and it focuses your attention as to what is the central focus of the problem.

Why is this happening to me? Provides a rationalized victimized answer and should be asking what is happening to me? What is it that I am allowing to happen to me? Regardless of what stage you are in life, ask the “what” question.  Example, “why did you do this?” can prompt an “I do not know” answer. Instead, ask the “what” question: what motivated you to do this?

A question does not always need an answer.  You can display more wisdom by remaining quiet or if you truly do not have an answer, you can provide, “I do not know the answer to that question.” Think of life as a mystery. How you unravel the case is how you unlock the keys by the sequence of questions you ask. You can play the victim and provide the control to the culprit or you can take control and overcome the culprit by asking the right questions. They can provide you the strength to overcoming the situation. Being a hamster on the why wheel will get you nowhere, but asking yourself, how can I get off the wheel can provide freedom you never knew existed.

Why has this happened? I do not know. What has happened is my mind shifts gears to a strong person, willing to work and solve the problem and not provide the control to the situation.  The next time you are feeling like the world is against you or ask, “why are they treating me this way”, stop, breathe, reflect and ask, “what am I doing that is allowing them to treat me this way.” This allows you to become the hero of salvaging relationships.
By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)

The Art of Self

I am still learning--how to take joy in all the people I am, how to use all my selves in the service of what I believe, how to accept when I fail and rejoice when I succeed.--Audre Lorde

I like a place called Silver Dollar City in Branson, Missouri. Art fascinates me; the creativity that flows like a river of paint upon a white canvas. The canvas comes alive as it captures the scenic view. I enjoy the art of melted glass being carefully blown to perfection: a beautiful vase the result. Skilled crafters gather at Silver Dollar city and create their perfections and imperfections for all to see.

The last few weeks since the passing of my grandmother; I have been reflecting and kept quiet in my blogs. Sometimes, I believe silence in a busy world is good. It is a time to reflect upon the moments of your life and the other person’s life that have impacted each one's life. Much like crafters coming together and creating magical pieces that leaves the unskilled in awe.

Being in love is so fun. You find those special moments you want to save and remember those special times. Like a sunset that takes your breath away and you seal the night with a kiss and the moment is slid into an envelope of the brain and carefully reread or tucked away. Mentally, we want to have those happy creations, but sometimes we enjoy carving our initials in the tree as a reminder of our love.

Our lives are being shaped. There are some that want to carve their initials in our life. We can be like the glass that is carefully being sculpted and there you have people who are fragile, transparent, on show or used by others. We can be like the metal that over time being on the anvil hardens us, shapes us into something useful for others to use. Maybe it was that one Marine soldier that gave up his life to save his platoon from an attack.

We could be clay; moldable, flexible, pliable, and ready to be used. Notice how these skilled crafters at Silver Dollar City have an impact on their creation? Others have that same impact on our lives. The biggest challenge to being a living art form is that it constantly wants you to be like everyone else. You are the real you fashioned by life and to hide your imperfections you can stand in a crowd, but for you to be the real you take courage in standing in front of the crowd.

The mind is the potter’s wheel. If you think too much about what others think of you, it can change what you think of yourself. Because you are on the wheel; you may feel like you have to explain yourself to your friends that do not need an explanation because they accept you. Try explaining yourself to your enemy and your spinning on the potter’s wheel because they won’t believe you anyways.

How do you become flexible in your thought process; when you are still being fashioned and sometimes on display like Silver Dollar city? Bottom line: who are you letting create and design you? Defining who you are without being molded by others agenda can be challenging. You have an innate ability to create and to help; you may tend to ask what the world’s needs are. When in fact you conform to what the world needs and wants and you shape yourself to the moment and not realizing you begin to chase the wind and become unhappy, unsettled, restless because you cannot fulfill what the hungry world needs.

Instead, ask yourself what helps you to come alive and what can you offer: go and do it. Life needs driven purpose. Do not compromise; follow a path with strength of conviction that can move others. There is a tendency to compare ourselves with others and then the focus shifts onto the success or failures by which they or you have lived. Be a person worthy of your own respect.

When you take life’s fire out of your heart; you become hardened and then you’re stuck in the form you were molded. The fire is the passion to be different, keeping at the forefront of your mind your willingness to take a risk like the Marine, and impact another life for the better. Finally, test your thoughts against the truth and there you will find your direction within the truth.

Always be yourself. Some are lost in the dark because they are trying to win your trust and wonder what you think of them. It is an amazing life when you do not care who gets the credit and can look back at everything you accomplished small or great. It is easy to conform to what others want you to be; that is a safe way to exist, but to live is to find out in your own heart what is true. You are an earthen vessel and hidden inside is a treasure that is beyond measure. Captivate those self defeating thoughts and others’ words and comparisons and make them obedient in truth.

In the end, we are all on the craftsmen’s bench, we are being molded; but it is up to you in how flexible you want to be. continue being the best masterpiece for the world to see. Do not become the victim by being bullied into silence or accept someone’s definition of your own life, but define by listening to the hand that is molding you on the inside by being comforted in knowing through perfections and imperfections you are a rare art form that is unique and priceless. One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes ... and the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.--Eleanor Roosevelt

Remember – the only thing you can change about yourself makes all the difference in someone’s life to admire.
 
By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)

"Flowers For Today"

My grandmother Irene Hudgins was a remarkable woman. Her strength and desire to do the best that she could do for her children and family is a part of who I am today. I loved visiting her and keeping in touch when I was not near. Every week I would call to check and see how she was doing. There were times I felt I could not talk to my own parents; she was there to comfort me. She provided the strength well as the encouragement I needed to speak to my parents.


My grandmother loved the outdoors. She was a country girl at heart. Doing what she knew from her parents and passing it on to her five children, eight grandchildren and eleven great grandchildren. I remember at the farm house in West Texas the quilting frame that would hang above the ceiling and how she would work on a quilt. I loved the wedding quilt and other quilts she made for me and others in the family.

The smell of beans cooking on the stove with ham hock, fried okra and cornbread always left an impression. Holidays were my favorite times with her. The divinity, fudge and most of all, homemade peanut brittle was to die for. Grandmothers just seem to have the knack and the right touches in bringing the best flavors out in food. I believe the right spice that went into each of her creations was her love.

We can focus on the negativity of life or we can focus on the positive. Being bombarded with media, technology and the social environments can sway our perceptions to the negative side of things. We can let events like divorce, devastations or even death, cause us to place blame on God. If we do not have healthy thinking we can become bitter and in turn poison others around us with bitterness.

Forgiveness is the spice that adds flavor to see the world in its beauty. Every week that I would call my grandmother, she would always end the call by saying she loved me and her famous quote, “Steven, thank you so much for my flowers for today.” Not that my words were flowery; I always cherished knowing a little time for her made her appreciate the “flowers”.

Life is like a rose. One can be negative and see only the thorns and miss out on the entire beauty. There is more beauty in life through the petals and fragrance of the entire rose. Set your sights above on the beauty rather than on the thorns of life. Life can be a bed of petals, you forget the pricks, but always remember the fragrance and beauty. This is how you overcome negativity: Stop and smell the roses and don't cross the boundary that could bring you pain.

We can celebrate the death of the body or we can celebrate our eternal spirits. I rather celebrate life (physical and spiritual). Understanding that life is a gift and the Present (today) is always something we can appreciate along with the anticipation of tomorrow. Roses have thorns, but we are always willing to appreciate their beauty. If we can appreciate roses and overlook the thorns, how much more can we appreciate life and over look the thorns in our own life.

Celebrate life and enjoy the fragrance of those who enter into your life. May you be blessed today and before it is too late forgive and provide love to those around you. Life is too short not too appreciate the “flowers of today.”

In loving memory of my grandparents: Irene Hudgins (07-08-1923 - 04-02-2012) and my grandfather Jack Hudgins (06-10-1916 - 03-18-1966). My last memory will be them walking in heaven hand in hand. Those are my flowers of today.


By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)

Briars and Pearls

"This pearl has become my soul... If I give it up, I shall lose my soul."
- John Steinbeck, The Pearl, Chapter 5

While growing up I often heard, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.”  This is the oldest English proverb, found in the Old English Homilies from 1175. This idiom means that although you make something available, like good advice, the recipient can choose not to take it.

As a child, I was fascinated by magnets, performing magic to those unaware. You hide a magnet under a pecan shell that is poised atop a cardboard box and a second magnet beneath the box. As you move the hidden magnet below, the pecans shell moves as well. Decorate the pecan shells as different type of insects and when they move about, they can appear as live creatures.

Magnets draw to the positive and to the negative. You can be like that horse when led to things that are positive or negative; you do not have to drink either one. The water is like a magnet:  it gets your attention and draws you to a positive or negative aspect.

Life is a choice. In life, there is a continuous bombardment of influences, negative far more often than positive, through school, work, social media, and even our own thoughts. Consequently, some have become so negatively magnetized that their focus is always on the negative things. Even if this has been the greater extent of their life experiences, it doesn’t have to determine their future magnetism.  Others have discovered balance in their life, learning from the negative and still presenting a positive magnetism. When there are negative encounters, they have learned to appreciate how these life experiences can be used for positive growth.

Looking at life from a different perspective, the negative aspects can be seen as a briar or a grain of sand. When that briar is stuck under the saddle of a horse, it will irritate and aggravate, creating discontentment and a constant bucking. Even when the rider is thrown off the horse, the briar remains; creating callousness and a negativity that will cause others to steer clear. 

If you consider the negativity to be a grain of sand in a clam shell, then you can choose to make the best of the irritant and it becomes a pearl. Life happens and irritants abound, whether they are briars or sands. You have two different ways of making the best of the situation, depending on the outcome you want.

You can surround yourself with those who are negative and live in the negative until you become so callused that life does not seem to have any positive affect. Or, you can surround yourself with those who are positive. How do you become a magnet and draw others to you?

Negative thoughts are like cancer cells that alter good into bad and erode the core of your very being, taking away all you could potentially become. How do you work with negative thoughts and be the horse that can be led, but not drink?

1.       What goes into your mind comes out of your mouth. Negative news, music, media, and gossip can influence your thoughts and before you realize it, you are negative about what you were once positive. Guard your mind by filtering how much negativity you are exposed to.

2.       Try not to change people around you to be positive. Live your life in a positive manner and it might magnetize them to be positive. Sure you have negative times, but you are the clam making the pearl for them to enjoy.

3.       Find at least one positive outlet that you can plug yourself into that will enable you to feel positive.

4.       Being positive does not mean perky. It is what you do with those emotions like the briar and sand that will make the biggest difference between a positive person and a negative one.

You have a choice, perspective makes the difference. Circumstances may be beyond your control, but how you perceive them and respond is not. Lean on the One who can make you into a pearl if you let Him. Positive self-talk can assist you to look on the bright side of things and think clearly. Forgiveness, understanding, grace, and mercy are the foundational keys to living a positive life.  Do you have a briar you are trying to remove? Are you making the pearl?

By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)

No Bones About It

I enjoy dogs better than cats; each pet has their own special traits. However, I am partial to dogs. Dogs know when you are upset, lick you silly, and make you laugh. They know where to find things, and sometimes, put things where you don’t want to find them. They are great companions when you go for a walk. Ever see a cat on a leash? Sorry for the feline lovers that read this blog.


Ever seen a dog with a bone? He never wants to let go; if you try getting the bone from him, you can get bit! It is wiser to leave the bone with the dog; it has no value to people.

Why then, do we as human beings want to hold onto our old bones? Some people have quite a collection; enough to make a skeleton. Take one of those bones and let’s see what we get: B.O.N.E Burned Out, Never Ending. We can go from one end to the other and start all over and we still want to hold onto that debilitating bone.

Bones do not seem to go away. We can bury them, toss them, give them away, but they are still around. Travel around in pasture land or in the desert and you will find bleached bones of various animals. They lay as a reminder of what use to be alive.

Starting with childhood, we pick up useless bones on our journey of life that weigh us down. Some call it baggage. Baggage we can always toss, leave in the past, and not remember. Bones abound, though, and often it seems that someone is ready to pick a bone. How we handle our bones will determine if we are rattled by them.

First, we must realize the importance and the significance of our lives. Do we want to flourish? Do we want to be successful? We can be buried with our bones, but the memory lingers on. Our physical bones in our bodies provide the framework and allow our bodies the ability to move with our muscles. Otherwise our bodies would be a blob sloughing on the ground like a snail.

Our emotional bones or “baggage” tend to be an integral part of us. What we do with our bones determine what kind of person we become. When we choose to incorporate forgiveness, for ourselves and others, healing takes place. There is hope when we use the bones to motivate us into doing something better.

We can cremate our bones, but the remnants are still there. Often learning how to "cremate" our thoughts will help us to emotionally heal even though the scars are still there. We are healed by His stripes.

No bones about it: we struggle with letting go of our bones. Sometimes it isn’t about letting go, rather it is learning how to make them work. Sometimes I have to learn it isn’t me working them, it is Him that works them for me. The person I am today is because of all the bones in the past. I am forgiven and walk by using God’s muscle. This is a daily activity, like exercise; when we slack off, we become weak and lose sight of Whose strength is in our bones.

By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)
 

Containing Contentment Part 2

“Man’s happiness really lies in contentment. And Healthy discontent is the prelude to progress.”- Gandhi

Welcome to part 2 of contentment. Gandhi seems to be contradictory in his two quotes, until you examine further. Gandhi was discontent with the system of oppression in his country and he had a goal to change it. The secret for Gandhi was his contentment as a person. He was content with who he was and his personal life because of his inner power to face the opposition. He knew nothing can take away his power to be happy. They could take away all his belongings, security, basic human needs and he was still content.  He taught how to be content with simplicity.

Content does not mean complacent. In the goal you strive for is the very thing that challenges you along the journey. It is not about getting to the goal but it is learning to be content in the journey, no matter what obstacles you may encounter. Bottom line to contentment is the mind. Mind over matter? Perhaps.

You might say, “I am not happy because I feel my life is crap.” I can sympathize with you; it is difficult when relationships are not going very well, finances are tough, eating habits and weight gain frustrate, or when life is just a mess. You and I both have had those situations that we have encountered in life to where we just want to give up. There were times when I was unhappy in my condition and in others I was happy and content. Paul in Philippians 4:10-14 provides a secret lesson I had to learn in being content in every situation whether I was fed or I was hungry. The secret to contentment is to remember:

1. The conditions do not make you unhappy; it is your choice of thoughts, attitude and behavior that allows you to find contentment in all things.
2. Count your pieces of good fortune; be satisfied in what you do have because many do not have it. 
3. In your relationships remember to step back and accept them as an entire package. It is learning how to work with them rather than against them. Think of how a porcupine bypasses their own kind by working around the quills.
4. Do you really need or want? Consider why you want something (see last week's blog Need).
5. Remember who is in control. As a Christian, God is in control. He is the pilot, Christ is the co-pilot and the Spirit is the navigator. You are a steward on the plane of life to help others remember how to be content. You have a destination, but it is all in how you serve.

“God’s gifts put man’s best dreams to shame.” - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

The mind is power. Harnessing the power is the secret to life. What do you choose to be content in? 

By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)

Containing Contentment Part 1

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.” – Cicero

Taking your clothes to the cleaners can be stressful. You do not know if they can effectively remove the stain from shirt or what it will cost you in the end. Life can be like a dry cleaner. You never know how you will be pressed.

Stress enacts a toll on the human body, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Perhaps that is why so many people go to a massage therapist. Much like ironing the wrinkles out of a dress shirt, the skilled hands manipulate the muscles, untangling the knots. Afterwards, you can feel physically refreshed and energized, but your thoughts continue to churn in your mind, getting thick. You are left with a gooey mess from the mistakes you have made.

How do you de-stress? Do you take time to relax each day? Not just sleeping in your hammock and sipping a glass of tea, but meditating and relaxing the mind and body? Tension can be like the stain on your clothes, it does not go away until you handle it with proper care. What is that proper care?

Contentment. Learning how to be content in all things is the secret to a life de-stressed. Content in the bad times because it sharpens you for what lies ahead. Content in what is good because it outweighs the bad. Being content means you don't crave for more, but make the best of what life has to give. It isn't about taking in life. It is about giving. Content doesn't mean complacent. Content means peace knowing that you can handle the curve balls.

Curve balls, slider balls, slow balls and fast balls are all pitches thrown to thwart a hit from a baseball player. How, then, does Albert Pujols get so many home runs for the Saint Louis Cardinals? He practices and trains his mind to hit the ball at the right opportunity. His whole mind and body are content, in the zone, able to focus on the goal and succeed.

Training and exercise is hard work. However, just walking to get around on a daily basis is exercise; our bodies need more for optimum health. Like the body, you need to exercise your mind. To be happy you do not have to have the best things in life. You have to make the best of everything you have by working hard. The greatest hardship you face can transform your faith.

To be content first, be thankful. No matter how upset you can be, or what might be happening around you, good or bad, find a way to be thankful. Next, contentment is found in forgiving. Forgiving allows room for you and the other person to grow. Therefore, you may wonder what is left in being content.

For now you will have to be Content in reading part 1 and wait till next week for part 2 of the secret to being happy is through contentment. “Happiness is self-contentedness.” – Aristotle.

Remember, it is good to start slow with a new exercise plan for the brain. So why not start now? See you next week!

By Faith, (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)

T.H.I.N.K.

When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for abstract, positive thinking. We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.~ Albert Einstein

I love dogs. Since my dad was a dog handler in the Air force, I grew up around them. Dogs are able to do tricks, find drugs or bombs, guard things, and even catch the bad guys. They are loyal and obedient. Growing up I remember our dog loved Dairy Queen ice cream and on the ride home, he would hang his head out the window and let that wind blow dry his face.

It seems easy to tame dogs and gain their loyalty. When it comes to training children, it is moderately challenging. In order to get my son to use the bathroom when he was little, I would put a single cheerio in the toilet and tell him to sink it. Potty training was fun, but not all of parenting is a joy.  The human mind is the hardest to tame.

The mind can process thoughts faster than a human computer; harnessing that power is the key. Often times, we speak so fast we forget to think first. We fail to recognize how our hasty words inflict pain on others.  Slowing the brain down to allow the tongue to catch up can be difficult.

We need to remember to renew our minds (Rom 12:2) and not be trapped into habitually using the same pattern. Ever felt you were in a rut like a car stuck in mud or snow unable to go anywhere? You need to infuse your mind with Scripture so that you can experience transformational thinking, bringing to light new ways to complete a goal.  We are masters at rationalizing our thoughts, but we must captivate and demolish self-destructive thoughts making them obedient to God’s word (2 Cor 10:5).

How is this accomplished? It is a difficult task done through perseverance. Just like training a dog, we need to train our brain by offering it new information, even doing tricks. The best choice is immersion in Scripture; additionally puzzles provide a challenge that can stimulate the mind to think. Technology can help as well, offering specific light-wave and sound wave patterns that cause a rewiring of the neuronal pathways in the brain. The hardest part is keeping the commitment. It takes 21 days to form a new habit.

Where do you begin? By THINKing. Word associations are a great memory tool. How can we train the brain to be obedient?

Look at your hand, start with thumb and count your five fingers. Thumb starts with a letter T, as does the word THINK. Use the four fingers that follow for the rest of the word, H.I.N.K.; now you have an acronym forming:

T.H.I.N.K. (TRUE, HELPFUL, INSPIRING, NECESSARY, KIND)

Is what you are thinking TRUE? Meaning, determine where your beliefs originate. A belief is not necessarily 100% certain; look at reality and honestly ask what is factual truth. Confirm what  is true, not by feelings or thoughts, but by the tacit experience of tangible truth.

Is what you are thinking HELPFUL? Meaning will it help you to get into a better situation. Will it help others through encouragement? Will it help better a relationship or create an attainable goal?

Is what you are thinking INSPIRING?  Before you speak, will your words cause damage to a person’s character or emotions and will it come back to haunt you? Are your thoughts inspiring you to better things or assisting others to aspire to new events.

Is what you are thinking NECESSARY? Thinking negative thoughts are not necessary. When your thoughts are destructive, is it necessary to express them?

Is what you are thinking KIND? Are you being kind to yourself and praising yourself for good deeds or accomplishments? Are the thoughts of others kind-hearted and encouraging? Honey draws more flies than fire.

Recall how the five fingers on your out-stretched hand spell THINK. Think as you imagine your hand extending for a handshake, or reaching out to offer a gift to someone, or giving a pat on the back. Anytime you are working with your hands think of the word and acronym T.H.I.N.K. (TRUE, HELPFUL, INSPIRING, NECESSARY, KIND). This will help you to focus your thoughts and train your mind on these things before you type or say anything that can malign others or yourself.

If only the mind could be like a dog, easily trainable, maybe we wouldn’t have to worry about chasing our tails.

By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him).

Lost Art Communicating - Why Relationships Fail

Among men and women, those in love do not always announce themselves with  declarations and vows. But they are the ones who weep when you're gone. Who miss you every single night, especially when the sky is so deep and beautiful, and the ground so very cold.- Alice Hoffman


Communication is interesting. A colleague stated, “Most couples who come for counseling suffer from long-term poor communication skills; it is like they speak two different languages.” She makes an interesting comment when dealing with couples or anyone in relational matters.

Are you having those selective hearing moments? Could it be you were done listening before someone else was done talking because you were lost in the communication? In a relationship, often the Rosetta Stone is needed to translate what has transpired.

The dysfunctional communication does not come from the couples speaking two different languages; they have forgotten the integral part their unique communication styles had in bringing them together. Instead of growing together as individuals by relaying their wants, desires, wishes and every day talk they have grown separately, losing focus of the goal of being a couple. They are like two individual sharing the same abode. They have become communicatively lazy, not revealing their thoughts to each other and creating dysfunction. It is interesting to see how cavemen communicated. To view their communication problems we do not have to travel back in time. Cave drawings, an art form, are an expression of their persona. Their communication also included grunts and moans. One doesn't need to travel in time to experience this, your spouse pokes you to get out of bed and you respond with moaning and grunting.

The key to any successful relationship is keeping the communication going. It is not like the game ‘telephone’; where children sit in a circle and you whisper in one ear to the next revealing the spoken word and the last person always seems to get it wrong because it was not relayed correctly. The standard of conversation needs to be maintained so words do not become distorted.

In the beginning, the conversation standards were developed and therefore, created a level of intimacy. Communication deteriorates when, in conversing, couples stop investigating each other. Investigative conversing is not drilling the other person about what they have done or where they have been, but asking questions like, “how was your day,” or “do you still enjoy doing this with me?” We forget the standards and neglect inquiring what the other’s needs might be.

We grow in our maturity at different levels and it is important to investigate each other’s thoughts, ideas, reactions and attitudes. Without investigative conversation you lose focus. CEOs of companies are often asking their board staff for ideas to help the company grow and to achieve its greatest potential. CEOs can inform, but like other individuals, they do not offer personal information. Socrates believes in asking questions to learn and to teach. In relationships, asking provides a genuine curiosity and spark of insight for your spouse’s feelings as they reveal their heart.

Finally, success comes when understanding arises through the information you provide to each other. Informing each other of your ideas, experiences, attitudes, emotional reactions and thoughts encourages couple growth. When you withhold information, conceal or provide inaccurate thoughts you prevent intimacy and a meaningful conversation.

Remember conversation is a two way street. Keep that street clear and avoid being the oncoming traffic, while the other one is speaking. Do not assume they are going straight, when their intention is to turn left. Allow them to reveal themselves as they inform you of their thoughts, so that it does not create a barrier where no u-turns can be made and you wind up in a dead end.

Dead end conversations are done when the undivided attention has gone off course. Like a pilot, they have to focus on their flight pattern and they are intent on what the traffic control is telling them about how and where to land. Use eye contact and repeat what they said so there is clarity is what was heard. Have problems with a child always wanting?

Recognize their need by expressing and repeating what they are wanting. An example would be, “Mommy, I want a cookie.” Mother replies, “I understand you must be hungry because you want a cookie. How about I give you a cookie right after dinner, would you be able to wait until then?” Then follow through with your statement. Otherwise your statement is dishonest and that will create an unrest and disbelief in future communications.

Even with the best of intentions, there are times relationships require the Rosetta stone to bring clarity and understanding. These Rosetta stones are counselors and mediators, who can help get the message through and provide a better understanding on communicating effectively. To be an effective communicator, one must be a good listener followed by the appropriate actions. Walk the talk and not talk the walk.

By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)

Needy Needs Needed

Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community.”

-Anthony J. D’Angelo

“Daddy, I need that new pair of shoes.” “Mommy, I need you to tuck me in.” “Honey, I need more affection.” “Sweetheart, I need you to really listen to me.” “I need you to finish that project by Friday.” “We need you to support our foundation to feed the hungry.” “The President needs to step down from his office.” “I need a vacation.” “I need sleep.”

Needs, they are everywhere. Populate one need and it is like opening a can of worms. Your needs will vary from time to time. In 1943 Maslow offered a theory that encompasses a hierarchy of needs. He suggested that our desire to satisfy a need comes from a motivating force. This is true whether it is the physical need of survival or the psychological need of appreciation. There are two ways our needs can be met, stimulating or satisfying them.

Put two needy individuals together and it can be explosive, like two atoms colliding. In relationships, needs are typically met. Problems occur when both individuals focus solely on their needs thereby colliding without yielding. This produces arguments. In a healthy relationship, both individuals willingly recognize the other’s needs and desire to meet them.

God created humans with a need for companionship that is satisfied in different ways for women and men. The connection each one desires originates from different needs. Women feel connected when their need to be listened to has been validated through a man’s actions. A man feels connected when his needs for intimacy and affection are met. This is part of the reciprocal relationship that brings about growth and bonding within the relationship: when he feels connected, he is able to communicate the love the woman needs to feel and vice versa. Communication is the key to satisfying each other’s needs.

The need to communicate is essential to any relationship. Are you fearful in initiating a crucial conversation that is vital to the relationship? Consider your motives: are you interested in the best outcome for you, the other person and the relationship? How can you best present the conversation? Consider the wording, is it offensive or ambiguous? Maybe the receiver does not understand the communicator. Either way, effective communication is necessary to safely bring the need to the center of the relationship where together it can be wonderfully played in satisfaction.  

Distinguish between needs and wants and you will be surprised how much you really are in need. We create the flow of life by our choices and the actions we take that describe the pursuit of our desires. It is the successes that you relate to and fulfillment is often not realized because you are looking for fulfillment when you are chasing success. Material needs are essential to living. The way to deal with a need is to step back and control the surge it presents and the fruits it promises.

How can you handle a need? Think of it as a boat. Your oars are your values that have positive and negative values. When you balance your rowing on your journey, sensing life’s current then your ethical balance will determine the outcome of meeting your need and providing the happiness of a satisfied need. Often satisfying and identifying a need can become a blur and it seems the same. Therefore, how do you distinguish between a want and a need? 

First, identify what is necessary in your life. Start with the basics such as water, food and shelter. Recognize that when you are desperate, you would do anything to meet that need. Like stranded in the desert, you will seek shelter, food and water to exist. When not desperate, often our budget is a determining factor as to what are the necessities to provide comfort in satisfying our needs.

Next, what are your secondary needs? Transportation is a secondary need because in order for you to keep your job you will need reliable transportation. Some places do not have great public transportation and often one is required to purchase a vehicle. Secondary needs are items like a type of clothing you will need in order to dress according to your job's standards. These are not basic needs, but secondary needs.

Finally, everything else is a want. Wants are not needs and there are different levels of wants. Some are on the borderline of a need. For example, you want a new computer because the one you have is slow and outdated. You rationalize that a newer computer would not crash or be as slow in getting your work done. This could be on the border of a need because it might assist you in your job.

In relationships, it’s imperative that we have our basic needs met. We have the desire to be touched and history has proven that a lack of touch can be a result in death. We need to be honest with ourselves and it requires valuable skills. The best relationships are where each person can give and take. Notice giving should be first when meeting a person's need, yet also be receptive. We are swimming in advertisements which advise people what they do and do not need. Needs in a relationship is maintenance. You want a maintenance free relationship then that requires you to be a hermit. Bottom line is to be honest in expressing your needs to others and does your neediness choke the other person who is needier than you are?

Sally Cunnech in Leadership magazine illustrates the importance of giving attention to needs, not just to numbers. She wrote, “During World War II, economist E.F. Schumacher, then a young statistician, worked on a farm. Each day he would count the 32 head of cattle, then turn his attention elsewhere. One day an old farmer told him that if all he did was count the cattle, they wouldn’t flourish. Sure enough, one day he counted 31; one was dead in the bushes. Now Schumacher understood the farmer: you must watch the quality of each animal. ‘Look him in the eye; study the sheen of his coat. You may not know how many cattle you have, but you might save the life of one that is sick.’”

Study your needs so that you may not find yourself wanting. To be content in all things is the key to peacful and joyful living no matter your circumstances.
By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)