We cling to our own
point of view, as though everything depended on it. Yet our opinions have no
permanence; like autumn and winter, they gradually pass away.—Zhuangzi
How do you explain? How do you
describe? Sometimes, there are not enough words to describe what I see. I feel
there are not enough words to even explain the depths and the richness of what
the treasures of each day brings.
There are days that I feel that I am
driving on the highway and all my focus is in front of me. I miss slowing down
and driving in the country. I enjoy capturing with a camera and looking at the
quilted blanket of leaves that the Creator wove over night for me to enjoy.
Tunnel vision on the road keeps you from seeing the bigger picture.
“I feel my parents don’t listen to
me” she said with tears in her eyes. “I try to talk to my mother, but she just
talks over me and tries to tell me what I should do”. I handed her a
tissue as I sat and listened to her story. “I have these thoughts that I am not
good enough. I feel rejected by my mother because all I want is someone to
listen to me and not tell me what I did wrong” she expressed to me as she sat
in my office. She continued with her story, “Sometimes, I am punished
because she won’t let me hang out with my friends because she feels I am going
to do the same thing and so that is why I cut myself.” She looked into my eyes
and shared her story that she felt if her mother would blame her, then she
might as well go ahead and do what her friends do, self-harm.
We all have similar stories in how we
want to share with others. Yet, we drive on the highway of life and we have
this tunnel vision of not wanting to collide into another human being because
we are afraid we are going to get hurt. We drive forward as to avoid our own
pain and running from the feelings that the police are chasing us. We drive
along the highway trying to get to our own destination and we forget how fast
we go. We witness breakdowns and don’t stop to help. We witness wrecks and
fatalities and we gasp or cry at the scene.
Where are you in your life right now?
Are you driving along and forgetting there is scenery out there? There are people
who cross our paths and we do not know their story. We are all on this journey
called life. We each have an encounter along the way. Some we push aside, some
we allow to travel with us and some are like a toll booth: we stop, pay the
toll and move on.
It’s Monday. I was looking for some
music to listen to before I started working. There it was staring me in the
face. I am drawn to what children say and do. I hit play and I couldn’t help
being touched by a 10 year old blind autistic boy that allowed a tear to flow
from my eye. How does a 10 year old blind autistic boy touch my heart?
He was born in May 2001 and his
mother was a drug addict. I can only imagine the darkness of her world. Her son
was born and placed into different foster care homes. In August of 2002, his
uncle adopted him and the rest is history. Take a moment and listen. I’ll
continue writing this as you listen to his song:
Jonathan Swift wrote, “Vision is the
art of seeing what is invisible to others.” Can you feel the passion of his
voice as he is blind and how he uses his heart to express through his singing,
“open the eyes of my heart, I want to see you.”
The holidays are approaching. It is
the worst time of year, when the statistics are like a temperature gage, which
measures the heat of suicides and self-harm behaviors as they increase. People,
who may have loved ones, still feel lonely on the inside and are blinded by
negative thoughts.
The movie, “Avatar”
had a good message. They greeted each other with, “I see you”. They took
the time and gathered the message of really seeing into the heart of the
person. It reminded me of the verse in Philippians 2:1-4 “ If you’ve gotten
anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in
your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you
have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each
other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t
sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead.
Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long
enough to lend a helping hand”(The Message).
How do we see the “you” in others?
How do we show “value” in others? How can we have the eyes of our hearts open
to seeing others?
Here is what I have learned and pray
it will be beneficial in seeing the other person’s heart and best intentions:
1. Recognize the other person’s feelings
and needs by valuing them by validating their existence, even though it will be
different from your own feelings.
2. Develop empathy by recognizing your
feelings and then recognize others' feelings by listening to their opinions,
right or wrong. Begin to see it in their eyes by thinking how it might be if
you saw what they are expressing from their point of view.
3. Respond not out of reactiveness, but
respond in an understanding caring way and see if there is something you can do
by asking their permission to help.
Finally, Robert Hall wrote, “A friend
should be one in whose understanding and virtue we can equally confide, and
whose opinion we can value at once for its justness and its sincerity.”
Remember, there are those who are hurting and needing an ear to listen. We have
two ears and one mouth, therefore, be slow to speak and intently hear the
message of the heart.
“Open the eyes of our hearts, Lord,
so that we may see you!” and we see Him, if we look with compassion on others
with open eyes and hearts. I sometimes wish what I know now, that I can
go back in time and apply this message with my own children. I love my children
deeply and I want to continue to seek and to understand them for they will
always have a place in their father’s heart. Forgiveness a crucial piece in
finding peace in relationships and opening our blinded eyes; in order for us to
see the beauty of people being able to change and be better people.
Thanksgiving
approaches; reach out to those who want to be thankful for finding them a place
to express themselves. Stephen Covey expressed it in this way, “When you really
listen to another person from their point of view, and reflect back to them
that understanding, it's like giving them emotional oxygen.”
It will be like Christmas for others
when you can truly share the gift of companionship by listening and sharing the
value in others. As you drive down the highway of life, don't forget to go down
the country road and say hello to someone who seems like a scarecrow and needs
to get off the pole to talk to someone.
By forging attitude in trusting Him,
may we see others as He sees us;
