Blended Thoughts - Cooking a Relationship

“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.” (Shannon L. Alder) 

My grandmothers had a unique style of cooking, even though they came from different lifestyles and regions. My grandmother in New Mexico made the best Coconut Cream Pie that this tongue has ever tasted. When she knew I was traveling through from Tulsa to Las Vegas four years ago, I had to stop and visit. Yup! She did it; that was the last pie she made for me. I am forever grateful for her love and tenderness, which she poured into the special Coconut Cream pie for me. She is now in an assisted living place in Albuquerque and unable to cook. 

My other grandmother passed away (2012), but I will never forget the smell of her country cooking on the cotton farm around Pyron, Texas. She had a cotton farm started by my grandfather and when he passed away in 1966, her son (my uncle) continues to farm cotton to this day. Yet, I remember the fresh black eye peas she grew, the pinto beans with ham hock, cornbread and homemade peach ice cream. 

These women poured themselves into their recipes and their cooking was loved by all. I was thankful to have learned some of the cooking from both and remember both canning fresh fruit and vegetables. My favorite was dill pickles and prickly pear cactus jelly, Texas style! 

We all love food, but I feel it is love, which can be poured into the cooking that brings out the best taste in food; especially when it is made by loving hands. The food growing up was totally different than the food we have today; but that is not what I want to talk about because it is making me hungry this hour as I write this. 

There are many ingredients that go into food to make something unique and very good to eat. Granted, I don’t like liver. When I went to England there was a plate with good looking meat. I picked it up and ate it. It was so good, I went back to have more. The biggest mistake I made; I asked what it was that I was eating. Cow’s Tongue! I was disheartened and learned I shouldn’t have asked. 

 What are we doing in our life to do something special for someone else? Yes, it is easy to love and admire our family members and eat something fantastic they cooked. Sometimes, not so fantastic, but you still appreciate their thoughtfulness of you not going hungry. 

What type of legacy are you leaving behind? Sure we made mistakes and there are some who will bear grudges against us. When I was diagnosed with cancer and found out that I may not make it in 2014, I found those who I have hurt and contacted them to ask for forgiveness for my mistakes. Whether they forgive or not, it doesn’t bother me anymore. I made my peace and can change who I am for the better. Thankfully, by the grace of my Father, today I am cancer free.

Good cooking sometimes ages with wisdom and experience. Our life can be the same way. How we express ourselves, how we learn from our mistakes to become a better person is most important. Life in a blender can be terrifying. Sometimes getting all mixed up and then poured out is the hard part because change is always difficult for most of us.

It is difficult and challenging sometimes in relationships. Relationships are like cooking. There are two different ingredients coming together and marinating into a family and bake over time. There are friendships, romantic relationships, and child to adult and much more different types of relationships. What are we doing to maintain a healthy relationship? 

Love is the bonding agent to hold the relationship together. It speaks gently and communicates in a manner that presents itself in a way that even in challenging times, the relationship can be mended. Love overlooks a multitude of sins. It is the icing to the cake of the relationship. 

Kindness is the seasoning, which adds flavor to a relationship. Kindness is like salt. It preserves the relationship and ads flavor. Like salt, kindness can be too much; one can be overtly kind. Think of water to a plant. If you over water it, it can suffocate the plant. Water a little at a time. I am still learning this process when it comes to dating relationships. I am genuine in who I am and often forget to process about the other person’s thoughts and feelings. We come from different backgrounds and when starting a new relationship, both will have to consider how to nourish and replenish the relationship. Bottom line, if the person is not hurting and non threatening, then communicate how to develop the relationship and not run from it.

Communication is the mixer, which mixes all the ingredients together. Watch the speed of the blender and how well you mix. Communication is a must in keeping relationships thriving. Do not ignore a situation because you are hurt, even if you are not sure how to express. Allow that other person room to speak for themselves. Controlling a relationship through silence will kill the heart. 

“You are a living magnet. What you attract into your life is in harmony with your dominant thoughts” –Brian Tracy

Finally, the little things are the sides to the main dish you present. Do express your thoughts through your walk. Be who you say you are by the way you walk. Do the little things, whether you send flowers to someone who is having a bad day versus on an anniversary. Both are great, but which speaks volumes? 

Cooking is like relationships. It takes time to develop. However, be true to yourself and let no one put you down. Men and women, NEVER, speak badly about your spouse to others. If there is a challenging matter, do not discuss with others first, without bringing the matter to your significant other first.  Do not discuss your relationship with the opposite sex. You do not know how they feel towards you and that is how divorces happen slowly. No matter how challenging your relationship maybe, speak positive about them.  Be aware of the Love Language of the other person. 

Developing that initial relationship can be challenging. First impressions are false. What if that person didn’t get enough sleep? What if that person was nervous? What if something terrible was going on that day? People are people and everyone deserves a chance. 

People are going to be at different stages in life. Like cooking, some will be mixing, some will be baking, and some will be gathering ingredients, but the bottom line is there is a core commonality: We all love food! Why can’t relationships be the same way? It is how we choose to work out those relationships. Like cooking, finding the right measure of ingredients to make something beautiful is important. Learning to cook together, being patient, having an understanding it isn't about you, it is about the other person that can bake a healthy relationship.

When the blending is done, reflect on the good memories and cherish those. It is easy to focus on the negative memories (like liver) and lash out at those close to you. It is better to express how you feel about the other person (like coconut cream pie), so they will have a positive sweet memory of who you are. We are to touch each other’s lives in a positive moment. Do not question the motive of the kindness behind someone's kindness. 

I feel Ray Bradbury in his book, “Fahrenheit” said it best, “Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you're there.

It doesn't matter what you do, he said, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. The difference between the man who just cuts lawns and a real gardener is in the touching, he said. The lawn-cutter might just as well not have been there at all; the gardener will be there a lifetime (pg 451).

Forge a relationship that is meaningful, By Faith we forge our attitudes in trusting Him!