If God listened to the prayers of
men, all men would quickly have perished: for they are forever praying for evil
against one another. You don't develop courage by being happy in your
relationships every day. You develop it by surviving difficult times and
challenging adversity. ~ Epicurus
There is much talk in the media about gun control. Wait!
Before you change this channel and want to read something different, this isn’t
about gun control. Keep reading and hopefully it will help you in what most of
us struggle in: relationships. People want to control guns because they fear them because of
the mass damage they can do by one person. It really isn’t about the gun, but
rather it is the person behind the gun. What is their intent when they want to
murder innocent people?
I feel this is the question, which should be discussed. It
is easy for people to turn on each other and to maliciously malign or to
murder. Words are the bullets, which our tongues fire out and often some do not
care who they hit with words or the damage it does.
I’ve struggled in this journey. I’ve struggled in my
Christianity because what I have expressed to others and what I feel others
have done, whether innocently or intentionally. None the less it is a struggle
to be reckoned with spiritually. James in the bible discusses the tongue is
very hard to bridle. Thus Christ said, it is what comes out of man that corrupts
him.
There was a moment in my life that was very hectic. False
accusations were made and it estranged relationships. None the less a former minister
wrote, what he felt was right, but caused a lot of spiritual damage. He did
preface the email, “No, I have decided I must say this part” and he went on to
berate me. Therefore, I feel if you preface your statement, then do not express
it.
What I realize is there was a twinkling in our crossroads and
a moment of impact our words collided. No one understood the other. He felt I was
blaming others. My intentions that I felt at the time were trying to explain
what I did. This wasn’t the best thing for me to do at the time to explain my
feelings.
When two intentions collide in a moment that is impactful can cause a
rift. Relationships can be like a war zone and it is up to both to reconcile.
Thus peace treaties can be effective when wars break out.
My heart doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Knowing that I have
cancer has really changed me in wanting to walk with Christ even closely. The
desire to walk and express the love of Christ is more compelling because there
is so much hurt in the world. The world needs to know His love. I’m not the
best at it, but I truly want to express the sincere heart of Him that carries
me thru so much. Does that mean I didn’t have that before? No, it just means my
walk with Him has strengthened.
Many people have been hurt by the following: “bible bullets”, Christian
actions, maligned words, false accusations, selfish motives, not letting go of
the past and mainly not letting Him heal. Each person tends to blame or excuse
the moment in time. It bothers me when the expression, “I am only human” comes
into play. It does not rectify the past action and denies what one should do in
the future.
Watch the calm water. Toss or skip a rock. What happens?
There are rifts in the water and it cannot be undone. We can minimize the
impact on the shoreline, but none the less the rift still hits the shore. It is
what we do next determines the outcome.
What do we do in that moment? Do we blow up? Withdraw? Fight
back? Never darken the doors of a church or never be a friend to someone that you
have known?
Break the word down, “relationship”. Relate means to find a purpose in
understanding the other. Ship carries cargo through waters that can be troubled
or peaceful. The purpose of a relationship is to help guide each other’s ships
and relating communication that will help keep the ship on course and not
collide into each other or dangers, which lurk in the water.
Have you been hurt by “bible bullets”? Have you been hurt by
other actions? Have you been hurt by
family, friends, or at work?
I didn’t know how to apologize. I grew up learning to excuse
or blame when I apologize. Example, I am sorry that I did, fill in the blank,
and my intention was this and truly sorry that I hurt you. I excused and never
validated the other person. Someone taught me an apology is stating, “I am
sorry for my actions and they really must have hurt you. Since, I hurt you, I
will try not to do that again and ask for your forgiveness.”
Words are like nails. They can hold into the mind with
valuable and useful information. They can do damage and leave holes, even though
words cannot be taken back. They can be forgiven.
Whether a father, mother, spouse, sibling, family member,
Christian, church member, neighbor, work place, chose words that seem to have
hurt you, there is a choice that is to be made. When I read the bible and not
just attend a “religious organization”, it sheds light on something different.
There is a light house that shines across our waters. We are
the ships that sail in the journey we call life. It is how we relate to each
other that join the ships to make it a relationship. The choice to be made is through forgiveness and love. Forgiveness is the peace
treaty to stop firing the bullets. Love finds a way to keep sailing in the
midst of our battles and storms, which rage.
I’ve been hurt by ministers, elders who never called to see
how I was doing, Christians that chose sides with an ex-spouse, churches who do
not support when I was in need, relationships that were abandoned, but I too
have caused hurt through my words, whether intentional or unintentional. We can
blame the church or others or we can blame ourselves. The real issue is not
found in blame. Blaming minimizes the event and not focusing on the remedy of
how to move forward.
The real concern is when will our words begin to be the
salve to the wounded heart? When we choose to opt out of a relationship because
we have been hurt is an easy way out. Forgiveness, whether it is warranted or
not, frees you! Love, whether it is warranted or not, heals you! Learning to
let go and not turning things inward can stop the waters from drowning your
ship by the impacted bullets and storms, which rages around you. Learn to work
at the relationship. If the other person is trying it will take work. Giving
up doesn’t teach you how to relate.
Learn to listen and set aside the self. It isn’t about what
you did. It is about what you should do. Learning to understand that someone
could have had a bad day and those words may hurt you, but look past that word
and into the heart of the person. Jesus looked past Peter’s denial. Called Peter
to forgive the past and called to love Christ.
Do not let others stop you from having a relationship with
Christ or the Creator. Forgiveness and love opens the door to many other options.
When others do not want to relate, then let go of it. Let the Father deal with
it. Focus on the mission to love others and forgive, while denying your selfish
desires. You are worthy to be called His. Take damaging words and create
bridges that you can overcome and be a better person for it. Having a
relationship with Christ and emulating what He has called us only makes the “bible
bullets” be like rubber bullets. They bounce off and will not penetrate the soul.
Trust me, I know it hurts. I too am tired of hurting. When I
hurt, it hurts others by my actions. When I forgive and love, it mends
relations. Even though the ships may never join, at least there is the freedom
to sail without the anchor of guilt and regret holding me back from finding the
Lighthouse. Christ is the lighthouse, which calls us to become a better person
than where we were. It is putting our soul on the anvil. Forging (F), Attitude
(A), In (I) Trusting (T) Him (H) that makes a difference when you sail.
Human interaction should not stop us from having a relationship
with Him. When we fail to
forgive, and fail to love, then we deny ourselves the relationship that was meant to be. I’ve learned a lot in the past year in my walk with
Him. It is with prayer, there can be healing in words through forgiveness and a
way to relate with other ships that can create a bonding of a relationship.
By Faith, (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)
