“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” T.S. Eliott.
Thunder rolls and clouds swirl like a witches brew in a cauldron
you see in the movies. “Get under the bed,” shouted my mother to my sister and
I. Sirens were going off and I can faintly hear the weather report over the
radio. It was dark and the clouds were very low. It almost looked like it was
night time as dark as it was at that moment.
It is scary when you are about 10 years old and a tornado
was in the area of San Antonio, Texas. Especially, when there is silence that
follows the clanging and you don’t know what to expect next. Fear of the
unknown, afraid of pain and fear of getting hurt can set in like quick concrete
making it impossible to move. Thankfully, we were all safe and nothing touched
down.
“The fear of man brings a snare,
but whoever trusts in the Lord will be safe”—Proverbs 29:25
Fear is the dark shadow that lurks under the bed when you were
a child. As you grew, fear grew as a skeleton in your closet. Fear came out of
the closet when you became an adult and experienced life. Fear took on the form
of a cloud that shrouds you because you do not want to be hurt or rejected in a
relationship. Your thoughts can become termites that will eat you from the inside
out and maybe it is the fear of the unknown of what will happen.
You make choices, whether good or bad. There are always
consequences to those choices. Sometimes it can create pain and hurt. You make
a choice to move the pan off the stove and away from the heat. OUCH! You just
burned yourself. The next time you cook you use a pot holder because the pain
told you to do something different from getting hurt. Why is it easy to do the
physical protection of your body, but not the emotional protection of your
mind?
The need for approval kills freedom from seeing truth and
you believe in a lie that creates a fear that you’re going to be rejected. The
need for approval is a lie that creates anxiety, which keeps you from getting
into a healthy relationship founded in unpredictable love.
“God has not given us a spirit of
fear” -- 2 Timothy 1:7
By developing a healthy boundary and holding yourself to be accountable, you are able to free yourself from feeling you have to “please
everyone.” That is a lie we buy into because we are fearful we will make
someone upset. Learn to use the
emotional mitten of protection which stems from healthy thoughts. Understand
your limitations as to what you can and cannot do and learn that not everyone
will be happy.
There is a healthy sense of fear. Fear or gut reaction helps
us from going too far from experiencing pain. This is called a healthy
boundary. If someone strikes you, you know to be more cautious around them the
next time. If someone cheats, then you know to hold them accountable and if
they do it again, then you are able to have closure and end that relationship. Unhealthy
fear hampers us from growing and experiencing relationships as it was intended.
“Courage is being scared to death…
and saddling up anyway.” – John Wayne
How do you trade the lie for a truth and overcome fear? First
consider the areas where you are vulnerable. Maybe it is past experiences,
which have shaped you to be overtly careful. Second, write out the lies you
have believed about the experiences you have endured. Maybe, they are the thoughts
of, “I am not good enough,” I cannot say anything right”, or “I have to find someone
to MAKE me happy.” Finally, compare what is there to what is the truth. Truth
states you are a worthy person, you can do things correctly and no one can make
you happy, but yourself.
Fear shrouds our perspective and it influences our responses
to those we love and care about the most. A false self is fashioned as a
cover-up from hurt. If in the true self, I feel broken and defective, I need to
create a false self, which appears to be acceptable by others. When I feel my
false self is accepted, then I no longer exist as an authentic self. I become disjointed
from my true self, the distinctive self that God planned for me to become. Fear
has shattered the lives of many. Do you think it is time for you to live in
your true self and not believe in a lie that causes you to fear the hurt of
being in a relationship: with God, yourself, family and others?
By faith,
