The Lies We Believe -- The Fear Factor

“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”  T.S. Eliott.

Thunder rolls and clouds swirl like a witches brew in a cauldron you see in the movies. “Get under the bed,” shouted my mother to my sister and I. Sirens were going off and I can faintly hear the weather report over the radio. It was dark and the clouds were very low. It almost looked like it was night time as dark as it was at that moment. 

It is scary when you are about 10 years old and a tornado was in the area of San Antonio, Texas. Especially, when there is silence that follows the clanging and you don’t know what to expect next. Fear of the unknown, afraid of pain and fear of getting hurt can set in like quick concrete making it impossible to move. Thankfully, we were all safe and nothing touched down. 

“The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord will be safe”—Proverbs 29:25

Fear is the dark shadow that lurks under the bed when you were a child. As you grew, fear grew as a skeleton in your closet. Fear came out of the closet when you became an adult and experienced life. Fear took on the form of a cloud that shrouds you because you do not want to be hurt or rejected in a relationship. Your thoughts can become termites that will eat you from the inside out and maybe it is the fear of the unknown of what will happen.  

You make choices, whether good or bad. There are always consequences to those choices. Sometimes it can create pain and hurt. You make a choice to move the pan off the stove and away from the heat. OUCH! You just burned yourself. The next time you cook you use a pot holder because the pain told you to do something different from getting hurt. Why is it easy to do the physical protection of your body, but not the emotional protection of your mind?

The need for approval kills freedom from seeing truth and you believe in a lie that creates a fear that you’re going to be rejected. The need for approval is a lie that creates anxiety, which keeps you from getting into a healthy relationship founded in unpredictable love. 

“God has not given us a spirit of fear” -- 2 Timothy 1:7

By developing a healthy boundary and holding yourself to be accountable, you are able to free yourself from feeling you have to “please everyone.” That is a lie we buy into because we are fearful we will make someone upset.  Learn to use the emotional mitten of protection which stems from healthy thoughts. Understand your limitations as to what you can and cannot do and learn that not everyone will be happy.

There is a healthy sense of fear. Fear or gut reaction helps us from going too far from experiencing pain. This is called a healthy boundary. If someone strikes you, you know to be more cautious around them the next time. If someone cheats, then you know to hold them accountable and if they do it again, then you are able to have closure and end that relationship. Unhealthy fear hampers us from growing and experiencing relationships as it was intended. 

“Courage is being scared to death… and saddling up anyway.” – John Wayne

How do you trade the lie for a truth and overcome fear? First consider the areas where you are vulnerable. Maybe it is past experiences, which have shaped you to be overtly careful. Second, write out the lies you have believed about the experiences you have endured. Maybe, they are the thoughts of, “I am not good enough,” I cannot say anything right”, or “I have to find someone to MAKE me happy.” Finally, compare what is there to what is the truth. Truth states you are a worthy person, you can do things correctly and no one can make you happy, but yourself. 

Fear shrouds our perspective and it influences our responses to those we love and care about the most. A false self is fashioned as a cover-up from hurt. If in the true self, I feel broken and defective, I need to create a false self, which appears to be acceptable by others. When I feel my false self is accepted, then I no longer exist as an authentic self. I become disjointed from my true self, the distinctive self that God planned for me to become. Fear has shattered the lives of many. Do you think it is time for you to live in your true self and not believe in a lie that causes you to fear the hurt of being in a relationship: with God, yourself, family and others?  

By faith, 

Tornadic Changes of Life -- How to Embrace: Change

The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. —William Arthur Ward

It is in the air. Soft cool warm breeze and the sun shining its warmth, like a virtual blanket making you feel safe. Flowers and trees are blooming. The earth dawns its wonderful colorful robe and shedding the deadness of slumber. Spring is here. There are signs buzzing around you to awaken you to a new day. It is a renewal of the spirit to enjoy something new. It plays back to my memories of running through the fields of Texas in the bluebonnets. Spring is the hope that says life does exist and it’s time for a refreshing change from being drift asleep under the blankets of white snow. 

All highways were blocked today.  I had to divert my way through city streets and housing to stay on track for my appointment. I had to see my patient and his family by 5pm for their family therapy session. A major storm was coming. Lightening was striking above me and rain drops started to fall around me. It occurred to me that although the storm was causing me to divert from my normal routine and for me to make it on time, I had to change.

Arriving to the office it was down pouring. My cell phone was going off with storm related texts to take cover, like I hit the lotto. It could have been an anxious moment, but I was focused on task in meeting with the family. Therapy started on time, even though there were many changes that had to be made. During therapy the tornado sirens were going off and other patients were in the hallways as we sat in the office. Occasionally, we monitored the radar on the computer screen and we continued with therapy. 

Change can be scary. However, you change your clothes, your shoes, your purses, your looks and even diapers. Granted changing diapers can be scary because you never know if it will be a smelly blow out. I’ve changed a few of those diapers when my children were babies. You may have anxiety because of the idea of change. You may have anxiety because you are forced to change due to death or even by destruction of weather events. 

There are some who want to change their habits. Some will go to the extent of losing weight. Great! However, they desire the comfort food of soft drinks, cakes and they say they eat in moderation. However, they slowly gain the weight back due to lack of exercise and the resistance to change. Then they are unhappy with how they look and repeat the cycle of losing weight again. They ask for people to help them, but without the change in what they put inside them, it will not help change the overall appearance. Low self-esteem kicks in and it affects those around them. People who truly care about them are pushed away as the ones who are critical and judgmental. 

Helping others to change does not work unless the one receiving the help is willing to change. It starts with an open mind. Change moves us outside our comfort box. There are some of you reading this message and understand of holding onto the familiarity and resist change because it strengthens the soul and mind. The thought of exercise may associate with the aches and pains and therefore we become resistant because it is the path to least resistance. 

We are unable to control every characteristic of our lives and change, like the four seasons, cannot be stopped from happening. We embrace spring, summer, fall and sometimes winter, but it is how we respond to change that will significantly influence our overall experiences in our life. 

In the bible (Genesis 17) there is a story about Abraham and Sarah. God promised them a son (Isaac) would be born to them. “Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing”. Abraham and Sarah were both resistant to change. Abraham laughed at the change, but Sarah laughed and lied that she laughed about it. God’s promises were steadfast and they had their son. Change was made and because their acceptance to change, thousands of years later our Savior of the world was born. 

A change in cars, houses, relationships, jobs and our personal self, can help or hurt us. How can we accept change? It’s easy to “change” a dollar bill into four quarters, but change in our life can be challenging. Change does result in an exercise of the mind. It is work. 

First, do not be complacent and not wanting to change because you are custom to the familiarity. When you are resistant to change then suffering occurs to what is already happening in your life. Instead of manipulating the situation and praying things would be different, go with the flow and adapt to the change. 

Second, do mediation and self-reflect. Prayer helps prepare you for the changes already taking place in your life. Write down the pros and cons. Evaluate and seek out the truth if the change you are experiencing can be an easy transition or write out a plan to learn how to go around those obstacles you are facing. 

Finally, stay focused on the final outcome. A major event was taking place that could have hindered me, caused anxiety, but I remained focused. In the gospels there was a paralytic man at the Pool of Bethsaida. He was there 30 plus years waiting to be healed. Yet, he was the only man out of all the miracles that Jesus asked, “Do you want to be healed.” Sometimes we need to be asked that question. Jesus knew the answer, but sometimes we have to be awakened to reality of yes, I want to be healed. He lost focus as to his purpose and intent. Sure, there were changes happening all around him and he became complacent. 

Change is never easy because we don’t want to do things that are different from “normal”. I always say there is nothing normal except the setting on the dryer. The primary key to accepting and going through any type of change is through prayer.

Prayer allows the ability to express your thoughts and praying to the Creator to allow doors of opportunities to happen or to help you in the changes, which are already taking place in your life. The only way to improve your life is to force yourself to undergo the challenge to do things differently than what you are accustomed to. Change promotes growth. 

Many times, the only way to improve our lives is to force ourselves to undergo difficult change. Develop the courage to endure the change because it increases your knowledge and then you gain wisdom through the experience. Reflect back through the time of change to make sure you’re not developing unhealthy patterns through poor relationships. It appears when one is accustomed to being in a nonfunctional relationship to remain in it because it is the “norm”. You become the paralytic in the situation even though you want to make the change. 

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” – Mary Anne Radmacher

Make the change and develop a healthy pattern of creating better self-esteem. Unwrap yourself from the “wintery” cocoon.  Embrace yourself through your struggle as you emerge and “spring” forth with energy by embracing the change. Never “fall” back to old unhealthy patterns. Soon, like “summer”, you can enjoy the sunshine of surviving your change. Wisdom grows by making the change by accepting the four seasons of your life.  Stay focused and don’t let the storms frighten you, while you adapt to overcoming the obstacles that may challenge your thinking. 

By Faith change is “F” orging  “A”ttitude “I”n “T”rusting “H”im. 

Relationships - The Moment of Impact

"We're all on loan. The only thing that makes sense is to be together.” “There's a million what-ifs in life. You just have to keep yourself from thinking about the bad ones.”― Juliette Fay, Shelter Me  

On August 1903 Muriel Strode wrote a poem that was published, titled “Wind-Wafted Wild Flowers”   It is a challenge to go on a new journey and not knowing what will become of things on the other side or at the end of the journey. She wrote, "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”

In 2009 driving along the highway we were headed to Las Vegas, Nevada to see family.  It was a leisurely drive and thankful for being able to stop in Albuquerque, New Mexico to stay with my grandmother. The next morning we were traveling and we were distracted by a sign: Crater City next exit. It was an amazing adventure and I learned how millions of years ago the earth was impacted by a crater and left the mark in the earth.  Wow; I thought this is how we impact others physically and emotionally. 

On the way back we stopped at the Grand Canyon. It is still a mystery to me in how the canyon can be so wide. Scientists believe the water made the change by making debris flows which deepened and widened the walls and forming the canyon into what it is today. The water created its own path and left a trail known as the Colorado River. 

Personal relationships or people in general, provide good impacts and trails within our hearts that have left a footprint in our lives. Sometimes, there are the negative impacts. However, do we show how we been negatively impacted by others like Crater City and never filling in the void? 

“Loneliness is painful. But suffering is not wrong in and of itself. It's part of the human experience, and in a way brings us closer to all people.” – Juliette Fay, Shelter Me

This past weekend, I was impacted by watching a Netflix movie called: Gimme Shelter. It is based on a true story of a teen who ventured out on her own after abuse by her mother. She didn’t know she was pregnant when she showed up at her father’s house. There was a moment of impact for me in the movie which I could identify here are some bits and pieces of quotes: 

Agnes ‘Apple’ Bailey:  I just wanted to come and tell you I probably shouldn’t have yelled at you.

Chaplain:  Are you apologizing to me?

Agnes ‘Apple’ Bailey:  Um…  I’m not.

Chaplain:  Sounds like it to me.  Never apologize for your true feelings.

Agnes ‘Apple’ Bailey:  Where was God when I was suffering and abused all these years?

Chaplain:  Don’t make your child suffer because you’re suffering. Jeremiah 29:11-12, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. “

Agnes ‘Apple’ Bailey (talking about the shelter for teen mothers):  The people there, they make you feel like a family.  Like you’re loved….  It’s crazy how you can go and live with strangers and feel so much joy and not feel any different, and not feel unwanted and feel you can go places in your life and succeed in life.  I know I can be your daughter, someday, but I need time.  Can you give me that?

Tom (her father):  Yeah, I can do that.

We are all impacted by good and bad ways. When we are negatively impacted, we can blame, accuse, excuse or be angry at a person who we feel has hurt us. Sometimes our views are skewed by others biased gossip. There are times we can be impacted and felt hurt by someone, but it stemmed from prior hurts we never dealt with, which is often known as baggage. These feelings can be projected onto the person we feel is hurting us, when in fact, they are trying to uplift us and challenge us to changes we are not accustomed to. 

We all have been impacted by hurts and wonder "why". In the movie, "Apple" asked, "Where was God when I was suffering and abused all these years." The Chaplain went to the truth. Often we feed into lies that breed more contempt or disheartening, instead of looking to the truth. The truth was found in scripture when he quoted: Jeremiah 29:11-12, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. “

We are all impacted in some way by each other. Sometimes our suffering stems from poor choices, which other people have made and sometimes even in our choice that we have made. God has a way of turning the bad into something good; but only if we choose to call, come and pray on Him. Allow the impacts of your life to turn into positives in order to challenge and uplift others who are stuck in their craters of life. 

I want to leave you with this quote and may you find it having an impact by providing hope:

It is the darkness of misapprehension of God that is

enshrouding the world. Men are losing their knowledge of His

character. It has been misunderstood and misinterpreted. At

this time a message from God is to be proclaimed, a message

illuminating in its influence and saving in its power. His

character is to be made known. Into the darkness of the world is

to be shed the light of His glory, the light of His goodness, mercy

and truth. . . . The last rays of merciful light, the last message of

mercy to be given to the world, is the revelation of His character

of love” (E. G. White, Christ Object Lessons [Hagerstown, MD:

Review and Herald Publishing Association, 1941], p. 415-16).

It is time to make a positive IMPACT on others. Let’s begin illuminating a positive story that provides a world of Hope that there are good things in life. If we choose to look at the positive impacts of how Christ perfects us through His love and grace and our focus is on Him and not of ourselves, then we created a new trail because many of us are used to walking similar paths of pain. 

  The good news is that God is not the kind of person Satan has made Him out to be. . . . Since the great controversy began,it has been Satan’s studied purpose to persuade angels and men that God is not worthy of their faith and love. He has pictured the Creator as a harsh, demanding tyrant who lays arbitrary requirements upon His people just to show His authority and test their willingness to obey (Graham Maxwell, Pineknoll.org)

By Faith,