The Lies We Believe -- The Fear Factor

“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”  T.S. Eliott.

Thunder rolls and clouds swirl like a witches brew in a cauldron you see in the movies. “Get under the bed,” shouted my mother to my sister and I. Sirens were going off and I can faintly hear the weather report over the radio. It was dark and the clouds were very low. It almost looked like it was night time as dark as it was at that moment. 

It is scary when you are about 10 years old and a tornado was in the area of San Antonio, Texas. Especially, when there is silence that follows the clanging and you don’t know what to expect next. Fear of the unknown, afraid of pain and fear of getting hurt can set in like quick concrete making it impossible to move. Thankfully, we were all safe and nothing touched down. 

“The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord will be safe”—Proverbs 29:25

Fear is the dark shadow that lurks under the bed when you were a child. As you grew, fear grew as a skeleton in your closet. Fear came out of the closet when you became an adult and experienced life. Fear took on the form of a cloud that shrouds you because you do not want to be hurt or rejected in a relationship. Your thoughts can become termites that will eat you from the inside out and maybe it is the fear of the unknown of what will happen.  

You make choices, whether good or bad. There are always consequences to those choices. Sometimes it can create pain and hurt. You make a choice to move the pan off the stove and away from the heat. OUCH! You just burned yourself. The next time you cook you use a pot holder because the pain told you to do something different from getting hurt. Why is it easy to do the physical protection of your body, but not the emotional protection of your mind?

The need for approval kills freedom from seeing truth and you believe in a lie that creates a fear that you’re going to be rejected. The need for approval is a lie that creates anxiety, which keeps you from getting into a healthy relationship founded in unpredictable love. 

“God has not given us a spirit of fear” -- 2 Timothy 1:7

By developing a healthy boundary and holding yourself to be accountable, you are able to free yourself from feeling you have to “please everyone.” That is a lie we buy into because we are fearful we will make someone upset.  Learn to use the emotional mitten of protection which stems from healthy thoughts. Understand your limitations as to what you can and cannot do and learn that not everyone will be happy.

There is a healthy sense of fear. Fear or gut reaction helps us from going too far from experiencing pain. This is called a healthy boundary. If someone strikes you, you know to be more cautious around them the next time. If someone cheats, then you know to hold them accountable and if they do it again, then you are able to have closure and end that relationship. Unhealthy fear hampers us from growing and experiencing relationships as it was intended. 

“Courage is being scared to death… and saddling up anyway.” – John Wayne

How do you trade the lie for a truth and overcome fear? First consider the areas where you are vulnerable. Maybe it is past experiences, which have shaped you to be overtly careful. Second, write out the lies you have believed about the experiences you have endured. Maybe, they are the thoughts of, “I am not good enough,” I cannot say anything right”, or “I have to find someone to MAKE me happy.” Finally, compare what is there to what is the truth. Truth states you are a worthy person, you can do things correctly and no one can make you happy, but yourself. 

Fear shrouds our perspective and it influences our responses to those we love and care about the most. A false self is fashioned as a cover-up from hurt. If in the true self, I feel broken and defective, I need to create a false self, which appears to be acceptable by others. When I feel my false self is accepted, then I no longer exist as an authentic self. I become disjointed from my true self, the distinctive self that God planned for me to become. Fear has shattered the lives of many. Do you think it is time for you to live in your true self and not believe in a lie that causes you to fear the hurt of being in a relationship: with God, yourself, family and others?  

By faith, 

A Few Choice Words - The Rainbow Effect

“But if thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought.”  ― George Orwell, 1984

Not sure what to write because feelings cannot be expressed through the words I wish to convey. In reality words are like clothes, which cover the natural state of thoughts. I will do my best to lay bare my thoughts in such a way you can feel clothed in richness and in warmth of my words.

Words can be forgotten. Words can be formulated like a mathematical equation that sometimes the mind cannot think or capture the meaning behind it. The voice of projection behind those words can be calm and soothing and lost in the memory of yesterday. How can my words be eloquently conveyed and to never be forgotten? 

"The strength of a man isn't seen in the power of his arms. 

It's seen in the love with which he EMBRACES you.”

 ― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

A simple touch of my fingertips to remind you I am there and a gently spoken word at the same time is like electricity to the light bulb. The light shines as though the electricity is unseen and so are the words, but the action is what is remembered by the simple touch. Words can be wasted energy, but with action can become an electrifying experience which can sometimes melt the coldest heart.

A meaningful hug embraced with simple words can create a memory and a fondness of yesterday years past. The perfume or cologne enhances the moment as you drift on the pillow where they once laid. The voice is the electricity, which projects the image as if you were in the present. 

Cards, letters, texts, books, emails, and blogs, formulated by words, can only do so much.  The mind is the gatekeeper to the heart or is the heart the gatekeeper of the mind? Whatever the gatekeeper may be; there has to be a key. What is the key? Words with actions being conveyed in a trusting and consistent manner and even if it is the right key, the door must be willing to be opened by the owner. 

I choose to see a world where words are like colors. My mind is the paintbrush in how I wish to paint the picture of my heart. My eyes are the expressions of my soul. When words flow from the paintbrush, do you see the blank canvas formulating the richness, the depths of who I am inside as a person?

How are you painting your picture of your life for others to see? We can shut down and close out the world and all there will be is grey, black or white. Or we can open our minds and see the different colors within the rainbow. 

Words are the colors. Actions are the paintbrushes. Do they paint a picture which conveys in others a masterpiece of warmth? 

Sometimes creating healthy boundaries of what we allow into our life or not allow is the key to having successful relationships and lives. If we allow words from music to penetrate our heart, then how does it move us or shape us into what we do? If we read or listen to words, which are depressing, then do we become depressed? If we listen to words, which are violent, do we mask our lives with hurt and then do we become grumpy with others and lash out?

Words matter and Solomon said it best, “Watch your words and hold your tongue; you’ll save yourself a lot of grief” (Prov. 21:23).  Instead of formulating words to hurt others by gossip, or gathering them to malign someone, think of the damage you will be doing to others, and to yourself.  

 “Words are like eggs dropped from great heights; you can no more call them back than ignore the mess they leave when they fall.” ― Jodi Picoult, Salem Falls

Words are what motivates or destroys individuals and relationships. "I am sorry" may not be the right words to mend fences. "I love you" may be the bond to hold hearts together. "Please" and "thank you" may not be the right words to get what you are wanting. Words have to be formulated with action in order for them to be on the canvas to be showcased. Positive words may not be the right words to move mountains. Negative words may not be what destroys mountains. Sometimes words can be intercepted and misinterpreted. How then can we live in a world which thrives on communication?

There is enough darkness in this world with words to tell us we are not good enough. People try to control us with words to express you are not lovable. Words can be like toxic waste that oozes into the brain and we believe every word because we trust or we have aligned ourselves to see it the way others view it. 

“A picture can tell a thousand words,  but a few words can change it’s story.”  ― Sebastyne Young

When is it time for words to become positive energy to paint on a canvas that can portray to the world a light? His Word for me is the light. I have learned to marinate in the words, which provides such richness and depths that I want to paint that canvas of hope. Or when I am down and weary, the positive words, He is there, are the colors, which are splattered on my heart to paint a wonderful feeling and expression. 

You are worthy. Find words to formulate a masterpiece within you. Filter out harsh words that want to destroy the masterpiece you want to create. There is enough good in a person that if you choose to look for the good, it will be there. There is also enough bad in a person that if you choose to look for the bad, it will be there. Be careful in the words you form. They may not be the right colors you want to paint. 

“The universe doesn’t give you what you ask for with your thoughts - it gives you what you demand with your actions.”  ― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

By Faith, 

Reflection - Reflecting Positive Light

"People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in; their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

  

“When the lights go down”…. Yes, I know that song pops into my mind, and the lights did go down in the city. However, what happens when you are left in the dark unexpectedly? You knew a storm was coming and then it knocks out your power. What is the first thing you do? Reach for the light switch because it is out of habit, then you look for the candle in the dark. 

Who doesn’t love candles? The aroma it provides is very relaxing. What better way to enjoy a nice relaxing bubble bath with candles. Playing soft relaxing music is like a self-homemade spa. Aw, the sure joy of relaxing with no interruptions. Wow, yes I am awake! I better finish this blog, so I can go and relax! Now, where was I? 

Someone asked me for my opinion about a mother daughter retreat that she would like to do for her church. I pondered over the thought and it occurred to me to have the title: “My Little Mirror; What Am I Reflecting.”  My thought processes reflected upon parental influences on children; then what the children reflect about their parents. 

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye”-- H Jackson Brown, JR

I believe we shine as candles and it doesn’t matter if we are a parent or not. How our light shines is dependent upon how we view ourselves. Sometimes we can try to hide our light out of fear of how others view us. For some their lights are dimmer because they are afraid to be confident. One candle can shine light, but put a mirror behind it and it illuminates brighter. It takes a mirror (a friend) to  help us to shine brighter.

Our light reflects who we are. If we think the world is a bleak place, then we will visualize it as a bleak place and our thoughts reflect a dim light about us. If we visualize the world to be wonderful, despite the flaws, then we will visualize it as wonderful. Our thoughts will reflect a bright light despite the world trying to snuff it out. 

Fire needs resources to remain lit. Air, oxygen and the right fuel source to keep it burning. What are you doing to fuel your needs? Do you have that one person, who can stoke your fire? 

She sat in my office and her affect was flat. Anxious tears flowed down her cheek. Lost in a dark cruel world it seemed and she tried to snuff out her own light. “I tried to cry out for help, but no one will listen” she stated. I pondered over that statement. How many more people are like her out in this world crying for help and no one wants to stoke the fire to keep the flame burning?

Problems are like water to the fire. They try to put you out. I’ve been there and know that sometimes it can be like a tidal wave. It is difficult to prepare and embrace for such impact. How do I keep my fire burning? 

Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it. - Ann Landers

If you can hold on to your past, when will you let go, in order for you to know there is a future? When you think about letting go of the past, it is like cleaning a cluttered room and it opens up a new fresh perspective of filling the space with something new. Letting go means to work through those difficult thoughts and emotions, the fears and disappointments, which suffocates the oxygen to the flame. It is a conscious effort to find a place to fuel your flame. 

To stoke your flame means you can’t wait for the perfect moment to occur. Fear of stepping or doing something different takes faith of letting go and dare to accomplish something different, because the candle (life) is too brief to speculate what could have been. 

I had to learn the most rewarding time in my life is when I took the courage to let go of what I couldn’t change and changed what I had control over. My thoughts! When my thoughts came, I took action and when I took action, my light shined brighter. Well, here I am and I pray my light is shinning in your life this very moment through these words. 

Take heart and know there are people who do care. You are important and your life is worth living. If you feel being snuffed out by others, then it is time to find that relationship, someone you can fully trust in knowing they will take care of your flame. How is your light doing? When you fear a loving heartfelt relationship, then it is time to leave the contentment and find a better source of fuel to your fire.

Be a positive reflecting light by captivating those negative thoughts. Find different fuel sources, which will sustain your flame in order for you not to feel suffocated. Write out your thoughts and feelings and see what is keeping your light from burning brighter. A toxic relationship, a hurtful past, are things which will stop you from living a bright life of which the Creator intended for you to live. 

By faith we put it on His anvil to change us!

Photography -Mind Developing Thoughts

I can get sad, I can get frustrated, I can get scared, but I never get depressed - because there's joy in my life. - Michael J. Fox

A fog mist looms over the lake this early morning. A small chill can be felt in the air and soft puffy clouds like cotton candy float above. The sun begins to peak above the mountain, like your head peers from the warm covers of a nice cozy warm sleep you awakened fresh and renewed. 

The birds like a morning song begin to bring sounding joy. The waters of the lake ripple an invitation that it holds the depth of richness. A crackling camp fire reminds you of the days of eating Rice Krispy cereal and listening to the sounds of the snap, crackle and pop. 

A picture is worth a thousand words and yet words cannot describe the scenery before the picture is taken. How would you describe yourself?  It is a challenge in understanding what your core belief system is all about.   A selfie of you can express your outer happiness, but what about the closet of your mind where shadows are far greater?

Many patients express to me, “I am a bad person, or I am never good enough.” Negative thoughts are like termites to the mind that tend to eat away at the good core of a person. What is your belief system about yourself? If it isn’t good, then how are you treating those around you? 

It isn’t about the accomplishments, which seem to be significant, but it is the thrashing you have dealt with in your life. It isn’t about suppressing or winning, but it is about how well you have skirmished your mindless thoughts.

Everyone battles a war within because we languish in our past mistakes. Some have voids like potholes in a road in an aching heart, which long to be filled with love, or we compare ourselves to what we do not have and yet wish we had. Some sweep it away and try to block out those memories, relationships in order not to deal with change.

For some we wrestle with struggles like: identity, death, depression, loneliness, mistakes, if we are a good parent and the list is endless, but we have to first be real with who we are in the mirror of truth.  It is judgmental attitudes, those who leave us in silence and never to speak to us again, it is the fear of the unknown, which suppresses our thoughts like a dead body in a coffin buried six feet deep. 

Everyone struggles at one point in time with various things. It is what I feel makes us humble and sometimes these struggles can be the idol of focus. It develops into a pictured thought; we can’t seem to live life like we ought to live life. It is misunderstandings like a sponge we soak in and focus on the negativity rather than the positive. It is easier to draw into the negative, than focus on the positive. 

What if we captivate our thoughts like a camera, which captures a picture? We take that SD card, or film and develop or process that image into a beautiful picture. Our mind is like a camera taking in the scenery as first described within this written script and develops into words and thoughts. 

If we can embrace the pain and understand that is life. We can accomplish something very different and unusual. You rise as a victor to living and not succumb to a sarcophagus of a lifeless life. I’ve been through remarriage and divorce. In my past there was a minister who criticized me, but that didn’t stop my faith. I feel sorry for him and his disparaging words to me. I don't let others decide my fate or place of worship. I developed a healthy boundary of who I allow that is positive to influence my life. 

Bottom line is for you to start living life without judgments holding you back. Embrace pain, learn and live through it, expecting it will happen again. Learning to take the focus off yourself and placing it into a higher power was the hardest lesson for me to learn. Cancer was the pain that brought me to my knees and to dig deeper into trusting in a higher power. He has not failed me and continually blesses me. 

Therefore, take your negative thoughts and don’t miss out on a wonderful relationship. Yes, I’ve been deeply hurt in a relationship.  We all have, but similar to my situation with the one minister, should not stop you from developing a more positive and healthier relationship. 

It is true we are all on different crossroads, but that is why we have people who compliment us to inspire us and lift us up. It is easy to fall into complacency that no one will accept you for who you are. It is easy to project our fears and thoughts onto a person who is uplifting you and not allowing them to be them because you fear change or lack the experience of what a good relationship could develop.

Fighting depression? Battling your belief system? You are not alone. Find that person who inspires you to be better than where you are because life is worth living in a positive manner. One developed thought is the jump start of your altitude. How high are you willing to fly?

Don’t play leapfrog with a unicorn. Embrace fear by writing out the positives and negative by adding healthy boundaries, then develop your thoughts and see if that is worth creating that specific relationship.  You will know soon enough by how the person treats you whether or not that is a positive or negative influence.  

Take your eyes and mind as the camera and focus on what could be a positive moment. Take time and process the “negative/positive” and develop it into a picture worth keeping in your mind. Capture a positive thought and become a positive light embracing future pain and using it to help others. Soon, when you are expressive and confident, you will see you were never alone.

When we fear, it is because we do not have control over the situation. Captivate the moment and express them in positive living affirmed words by looking at truth and not within yourself or by what others express to you. There is greatness to be had, but are you willing to ride the horse called pain? 

Remember, you are not alone, but there is a life worth living if only you would embrace the future and not the past. Your mind is a plethora of photography and you have to learn how to develop those thoughts into a positive way. Life is worth living, when we can develop our core image and casting a positive flash of light captivating those happy relationships.

By faith we forge an attitude in trusting Him!