The Lies We Believe -- The Fear Factor

“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”  T.S. Eliott.

Thunder rolls and clouds swirl like a witches brew in a cauldron you see in the movies. “Get under the bed,” shouted my mother to my sister and I. Sirens were going off and I can faintly hear the weather report over the radio. It was dark and the clouds were very low. It almost looked like it was night time as dark as it was at that moment. 

It is scary when you are about 10 years old and a tornado was in the area of San Antonio, Texas. Especially, when there is silence that follows the clanging and you don’t know what to expect next. Fear of the unknown, afraid of pain and fear of getting hurt can set in like quick concrete making it impossible to move. Thankfully, we were all safe and nothing touched down. 

“The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord will be safe”—Proverbs 29:25

Fear is the dark shadow that lurks under the bed when you were a child. As you grew, fear grew as a skeleton in your closet. Fear came out of the closet when you became an adult and experienced life. Fear took on the form of a cloud that shrouds you because you do not want to be hurt or rejected in a relationship. Your thoughts can become termites that will eat you from the inside out and maybe it is the fear of the unknown of what will happen.  

You make choices, whether good or bad. There are always consequences to those choices. Sometimes it can create pain and hurt. You make a choice to move the pan off the stove and away from the heat. OUCH! You just burned yourself. The next time you cook you use a pot holder because the pain told you to do something different from getting hurt. Why is it easy to do the physical protection of your body, but not the emotional protection of your mind?

The need for approval kills freedom from seeing truth and you believe in a lie that creates a fear that you’re going to be rejected. The need for approval is a lie that creates anxiety, which keeps you from getting into a healthy relationship founded in unpredictable love. 

“God has not given us a spirit of fear” -- 2 Timothy 1:7

By developing a healthy boundary and holding yourself to be accountable, you are able to free yourself from feeling you have to “please everyone.” That is a lie we buy into because we are fearful we will make someone upset.  Learn to use the emotional mitten of protection which stems from healthy thoughts. Understand your limitations as to what you can and cannot do and learn that not everyone will be happy.

There is a healthy sense of fear. Fear or gut reaction helps us from going too far from experiencing pain. This is called a healthy boundary. If someone strikes you, you know to be more cautious around them the next time. If someone cheats, then you know to hold them accountable and if they do it again, then you are able to have closure and end that relationship. Unhealthy fear hampers us from growing and experiencing relationships as it was intended. 

“Courage is being scared to death… and saddling up anyway.” – John Wayne

How do you trade the lie for a truth and overcome fear? First consider the areas where you are vulnerable. Maybe it is past experiences, which have shaped you to be overtly careful. Second, write out the lies you have believed about the experiences you have endured. Maybe, they are the thoughts of, “I am not good enough,” I cannot say anything right”, or “I have to find someone to MAKE me happy.” Finally, compare what is there to what is the truth. Truth states you are a worthy person, you can do things correctly and no one can make you happy, but yourself. 

Fear shrouds our perspective and it influences our responses to those we love and care about the most. A false self is fashioned as a cover-up from hurt. If in the true self, I feel broken and defective, I need to create a false self, which appears to be acceptable by others. When I feel my false self is accepted, then I no longer exist as an authentic self. I become disjointed from my true self, the distinctive self that God planned for me to become. Fear has shattered the lives of many. Do you think it is time for you to live in your true self and not believe in a lie that causes you to fear the hurt of being in a relationship: with God, yourself, family and others?  

By faith, 

Fear - The Plow To Our Hardened Mind

You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.  ~Mary Manin Morrissey

What does the word fear invoke?  For some it relishes the past as a plow does to a harden ground. The plow toils the memories of the past and brings to the surface what was hidden below. Fear is like a spider that spins a web, which often snares our feelings and feeds on our thoughts until all our energy is zapped from us until we are nothing, but a hollow shell. 

There are literally over a thousand types of phobias. Like the fear of gamophobia, this is a fear of marriage/commitment. There is a phobia name for fear itself. According to Webster, the term fear is “the feeling or condition of being afraid.”  Sometimes our fear paralyzes us in moving forward and takes away opportunities of a rich blessing. 

  Fear cannot take what you do not give it.  ~Christopher Coan

I enjoy watching the movie, “Monsters Inc.”  If you haven’t seen the first movie, let me encourage you to watch it. Fears can stem from childhood and think about those ugly monsters lurking under the bed or in the closets. Movies are big hits on scaring people with their thrillers.  For some, we enjoy the thrill of a scare like haunted houses and on October 31 it becomes the most frightful night that we enjoy the most. It’s because we expect it. We know it is coming. 

I am afraid of heights. Yes, I know I am 6ft and I am tall, but still afraid of heights. I remember, when I was younger, walking with my uncle in the mall on the second floor where the glass railing protected you from falling to the first floor. Yet, he would scoop me up into his arms that would protect me; it was the fear of seeing the first floor from the second, which scared me. I didn’t see him coming to lift me up into his arms and it began my fear of heights. Yes, I admire those who are short because you don’t have far to fall. 

There is the fear being unsuccessful, or the fear of the unknown about our future. We fear the pain of loss and I “fear” we have created the fear of feeling loved. It is a paradox as babies we want to feel close to our parents. Yet, we fear the most important aspect of our life; we fear the feeling of being close to someone. We relish our memories of holding on to “stuff” in order we keep the fear of losing that memory of someone we cherish. For the extreme some become hoarders, but for some of us, like myself, I hold onto my first dog collar that has his rabies tag and engraved name.  He was a very precious dog that I was able to as a child not fear; because he was there to comfort me. 

Fear is an emotion and it is what clenches us from having a foothold of being at our best as a human being. Fear cannot capture what we do not feed it.   Easier said than done, but it can be done if we can only begin to understand the concept to our fear. 

Those that walk with fear will always be too busy hiding. ~Mike Dolan

Our future wears the mask of the unknown and often paralyzes us to move forward. Most of us are hiding within ourselves; like turtles in a shell we remain safe inside where we cannot be touched. Often some state, “God is not here, He can’t help me, but Jeremiah 29:11 says, “I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Elijah was fearful and he hid in the cleft of the rock and the Creator showed Himself to Elijah. Fear inhabits our walk and developing our faith of not walking by sight.

The wise man in the storm prays God, not for safety from danger, but for deliverance from fear.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Relationships can be complicated; even relationships where we have been hurt. We want to hide in the negativity of our thoughts and not develop anything positive for the future. Fear becomes like a darkroom. Like old cameras that had film, fear develops the negatives.  Negative thoughts stops our feet from moving forward, even though we can see the light peering through. 

Men have inflicted pain and therefore we become fearful of experiencing pain. Some have inflicted emotional pain, physical pain and it becomes a challenge to move forward in any relationship. Some fear the intimacy because it is too close and feeling vulnerable. 

I’ve been there once in my life through the relationships I have encountered. There was my fear of being rejected, being alone and the fear of not feeling accepted or loved. My fear of being too close all stemmed from relationships where there was pain. It stunted my growth and my focus was on fear. It didn’t allow me to develop. After exposing my fears to the light, I began working on developing wonderful pictures of the moments.  

Fear was no longer my darkroom where I could hide. I embrace fear. Fear is now my friend. It grows my spirit of trusting in the Creator that he has this. Fear, if I let it, robs me of the potential of doing something great. My fear is off myself. I no longer am a victim to the past events, but I emerge from the darkroom with a beautiful picture of what could be because I see potential relationships, which God intended. 

Instead of fearing my past; I had to learn to develop healthy boundaries of self-respect. I had to learn to understand that some of what happened was my own miscommunication and lack of understanding of the person. Emotions can hold us back from enjoying the best relationship that the Creator has intended for us to have with our companions. 

Captivating my thoughts and making them obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5) enabled me to have a voice to scream in prayer to my Creator that He is in control. Our thoughts is not throwing them into the jail of our mind, it is setting them free against the truth of God’s reality and not ours. Total freedom comes from knowing His word demolishes our lies and inaccurate thoughts. 

I taught myself a lie about relationships that no one wants to be close to me and if I let them be close to me they will hurt me. Instead, I had to reevaluate and understand that I teach people how I wanted to be treated. My fear taught others that I didn’t want them to be close to me; but reality I wanted them to be close to me. I had to realize not everyone is the same and when I made a list (using scripture) about who to share my life with, and then the truth was revealed. It is Him who sends the rain, the bows and ultimately our companion as long as we leave the lust of the flesh confined.

Do my thoughts about this person bring me closer to God? Do my thoughts about this person honor God? Surround yourself with those who support those feelings of moving towards God. Ask yourself if that person will help you walk by faith or by sight? 

Learn to listen to words. In 1 Kings 16 Samson’s first words were recorded, “I found a woman” and from there he had woman troubles. Delilah found the source of his weakness because he was weak for a woman he found attractive on the outside and not the inside. 

His word says he has put a light in each of us. It will be revealed. Expose your fears to the light and embrace the unknown knowing you have a Creator that is bigger and can work through the pain you possess. I had to learn to be intimate with God, accept me being wonderfully made in spite of my flaws, and know through prayer He delivers me from Fear. 

Where is your relationship with the creator? Is it damaged because the god of this world invoked pain into your life? The Creator is a parent and like good parents they want the best for their children. Embrace the Father; you will learn to embrace yourself and in return; love will embrace you.  Life is worth living if you do not let fear of past relationships stop you from embracing healthy ones. 

Judy Blume, author: “Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.”   

Father, you are my Light and my Savior, so why should I be afraid of anyone? Lord, you are where my life is safe, so I will be afraid of no one (Psalms 27:1). 

Remember to build your faith on trusting Him. You will be amazed how far you can walk, where you can walk and who is walking by your side. 

By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him),