The Lies We Believe -- The Fear Factor

“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”  T.S. Eliott.

Thunder rolls and clouds swirl like a witches brew in a cauldron you see in the movies. “Get under the bed,” shouted my mother to my sister and I. Sirens were going off and I can faintly hear the weather report over the radio. It was dark and the clouds were very low. It almost looked like it was night time as dark as it was at that moment. 

It is scary when you are about 10 years old and a tornado was in the area of San Antonio, Texas. Especially, when there is silence that follows the clanging and you don’t know what to expect next. Fear of the unknown, afraid of pain and fear of getting hurt can set in like quick concrete making it impossible to move. Thankfully, we were all safe and nothing touched down. 

“The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord will be safe”—Proverbs 29:25

Fear is the dark shadow that lurks under the bed when you were a child. As you grew, fear grew as a skeleton in your closet. Fear came out of the closet when you became an adult and experienced life. Fear took on the form of a cloud that shrouds you because you do not want to be hurt or rejected in a relationship. Your thoughts can become termites that will eat you from the inside out and maybe it is the fear of the unknown of what will happen.  

You make choices, whether good or bad. There are always consequences to those choices. Sometimes it can create pain and hurt. You make a choice to move the pan off the stove and away from the heat. OUCH! You just burned yourself. The next time you cook you use a pot holder because the pain told you to do something different from getting hurt. Why is it easy to do the physical protection of your body, but not the emotional protection of your mind?

The need for approval kills freedom from seeing truth and you believe in a lie that creates a fear that you’re going to be rejected. The need for approval is a lie that creates anxiety, which keeps you from getting into a healthy relationship founded in unpredictable love. 

“God has not given us a spirit of fear” -- 2 Timothy 1:7

By developing a healthy boundary and holding yourself to be accountable, you are able to free yourself from feeling you have to “please everyone.” That is a lie we buy into because we are fearful we will make someone upset.  Learn to use the emotional mitten of protection which stems from healthy thoughts. Understand your limitations as to what you can and cannot do and learn that not everyone will be happy.

There is a healthy sense of fear. Fear or gut reaction helps us from going too far from experiencing pain. This is called a healthy boundary. If someone strikes you, you know to be more cautious around them the next time. If someone cheats, then you know to hold them accountable and if they do it again, then you are able to have closure and end that relationship. Unhealthy fear hampers us from growing and experiencing relationships as it was intended. 

“Courage is being scared to death… and saddling up anyway.” – John Wayne

How do you trade the lie for a truth and overcome fear? First consider the areas where you are vulnerable. Maybe it is past experiences, which have shaped you to be overtly careful. Second, write out the lies you have believed about the experiences you have endured. Maybe, they are the thoughts of, “I am not good enough,” I cannot say anything right”, or “I have to find someone to MAKE me happy.” Finally, compare what is there to what is the truth. Truth states you are a worthy person, you can do things correctly and no one can make you happy, but yourself. 

Fear shrouds our perspective and it influences our responses to those we love and care about the most. A false self is fashioned as a cover-up from hurt. If in the true self, I feel broken and defective, I need to create a false self, which appears to be acceptable by others. When I feel my false self is accepted, then I no longer exist as an authentic self. I become disjointed from my true self, the distinctive self that God planned for me to become. Fear has shattered the lives of many. Do you think it is time for you to live in your true self and not believe in a lie that causes you to fear the hurt of being in a relationship: with God, yourself, family and others?  

By faith, 

Weathering the Storm Part-3

Matt 26:41 Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is

willing, but the flesh is weak.

Life is a journey in which we progress in our daily walk. Sometimes it is in the form of baby steps, a jog, a fast run, a crawl and often times we stand still. The day we close our eyes forever becomes the day we reach our eternal destination.

It is difficult to watch a storm outside when there is lightening. Even in our daily lives it is difficult to stand in the midst of the storm However, I am fortunate to stand underneath the shelter of His wing. The storm of cancer, a loss of a marriage, job changes, and other events that have all hit me within a 9 month period this year and I feel like Job.  

True patience is the key in this situation and learning to hear His voice through this storm is very difficult. I have been taught that I should be still and listen to Him throughout the storms of life. I believe this is not accurate nor reality based.  Let’s take a reality check.  Is that really what we focus on?  Listening to God?  It is easier said than done and often rarely followed. 

When we are doing something, do we pay attention to our spouse, children or friends when they are talking to us?  Do we hear them but not listen to their words?  Do we obtain eye contact or even glance in their direction?  The same is true in watching for God in the storm rather than listening.  The storm makes noise and can often be confused with God's voice.  If we watch for Him in the actions of our storm, we will see the results and gain the faith He gives in calming the storm.

How often do we move into panic mode because we can’t hear His voice, or doubt Him, or claim that He doesn’t hear our request or even answer us?  Doubts may assail. Some will say it is lack of faith while others will say that God doesn’t exist or even that He has caused the storm.

Life storms can hit devastating blows like Job was dealt.  But Job did not sin against God and kept his faithfulness. How can I learn from Job?  Why do people tell me to listen to God’s voice in the storm? It is near impossible to listen when the human aspect of fight or flight kicks in. We believe it is the human need to survive, control, subdue the threat, or a combination of the three.  Even if we run and flee, we are still in control of our actions, even when the storm is still chasing.

When we are in the midst of a raging storm, do we not focus on self-preservation and not necessarily the problem?  If so, how can we really listen?  To listen is to sit still and wait for a response.  When we are frantically trying to prepare, shut down, or clean up, our focus is on the storm or damage from the storm and usually not on God or spiritual matters.

Through this journey of my storm, I am learning it is about watching, not listening. I have to watch for His cues and His direction, to keep my focus on His promises and not the storms. When my focus is on the storm then my fears increase and I do not watch nor listen because I want to control. When I have the faith and watch for Him, then the storm will become still because He is walking me through.

When Peter walked on the water and sank, Jesus asked, “Why do you doubt?”  Peter did not lose faith in Christ. He did not doubt Christ’s ability to make him walk.  Peter walked as long as his eyes were fixed on Christ.  He only doubted in his ability to continue walking toward Jesus when he looked away from his Savior’s eyes and heard the wind.  In desperation he cried out to be lifted.  When we are spent from cleaning up our messes, running from the storm, or have sunk rock bottom, we will finally cry out to Him in desperation, “Lord, save me,” as Peter did (Matthew 14:22-33).

What is difficult to watch is what is going on during the storm. Why?  Because it is painful to watch. I am learning to watch for God in the storms and see where He will lead me.  I will believe on His promises that He will lead me.

What do I watch for during the storm?  I watch for what He is doing to change me. Storms change the paths they encounter. Maybe it is patience He is teaching me. I watch what He is doing in other’s lives; how my actions impact others.  I watch for the transformation of my attitude. Is my attitude one of contentment and thankfulness, like that of a victor? Or is it one of discontent, grumbling, and the disheartening attitude of a victim?  God wants us to watch what He can do more in the storm than listening to what He says.

When our focus is on Him, then what do we have to fear when we watch for Him?  Focus denotes clear visual definition. It is adapting the level of light and being able to see clearly. It is paying particular attention to something.  This is not about listening for God’s voice to speak to us.  When we watch, when we see, when we seek God, we are looking for that clear definition of the path He has for us.  It is about watching for the paths He opens for us to follow. Therefore, devote yourself to prayer, being watchful and thankful. (Col 4:2).

By Faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him