Reflection - Reflecting Positive Light

"People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in; their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

  

“When the lights go down”…. Yes, I know that song pops into my mind, and the lights did go down in the city. However, what happens when you are left in the dark unexpectedly? You knew a storm was coming and then it knocks out your power. What is the first thing you do? Reach for the light switch because it is out of habit, then you look for the candle in the dark. 

Who doesn’t love candles? The aroma it provides is very relaxing. What better way to enjoy a nice relaxing bubble bath with candles. Playing soft relaxing music is like a self-homemade spa. Aw, the sure joy of relaxing with no interruptions. Wow, yes I am awake! I better finish this blog, so I can go and relax! Now, where was I? 

Someone asked me for my opinion about a mother daughter retreat that she would like to do for her church. I pondered over the thought and it occurred to me to have the title: “My Little Mirror; What Am I Reflecting.”  My thought processes reflected upon parental influences on children; then what the children reflect about their parents. 

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye”-- H Jackson Brown, JR

I believe we shine as candles and it doesn’t matter if we are a parent or not. How our light shines is dependent upon how we view ourselves. Sometimes we can try to hide our light out of fear of how others view us. For some their lights are dimmer because they are afraid to be confident. One candle can shine light, but put a mirror behind it and it illuminates brighter. It takes a mirror (a friend) to  help us to shine brighter.

Our light reflects who we are. If we think the world is a bleak place, then we will visualize it as a bleak place and our thoughts reflect a dim light about us. If we visualize the world to be wonderful, despite the flaws, then we will visualize it as wonderful. Our thoughts will reflect a bright light despite the world trying to snuff it out. 

Fire needs resources to remain lit. Air, oxygen and the right fuel source to keep it burning. What are you doing to fuel your needs? Do you have that one person, who can stoke your fire? 

She sat in my office and her affect was flat. Anxious tears flowed down her cheek. Lost in a dark cruel world it seemed and she tried to snuff out her own light. “I tried to cry out for help, but no one will listen” she stated. I pondered over that statement. How many more people are like her out in this world crying for help and no one wants to stoke the fire to keep the flame burning?

Problems are like water to the fire. They try to put you out. I’ve been there and know that sometimes it can be like a tidal wave. It is difficult to prepare and embrace for such impact. How do I keep my fire burning? 

Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it. - Ann Landers

If you can hold on to your past, when will you let go, in order for you to know there is a future? When you think about letting go of the past, it is like cleaning a cluttered room and it opens up a new fresh perspective of filling the space with something new. Letting go means to work through those difficult thoughts and emotions, the fears and disappointments, which suffocates the oxygen to the flame. It is a conscious effort to find a place to fuel your flame. 

To stoke your flame means you can’t wait for the perfect moment to occur. Fear of stepping or doing something different takes faith of letting go and dare to accomplish something different, because the candle (life) is too brief to speculate what could have been. 

I had to learn the most rewarding time in my life is when I took the courage to let go of what I couldn’t change and changed what I had control over. My thoughts! When my thoughts came, I took action and when I took action, my light shined brighter. Well, here I am and I pray my light is shinning in your life this very moment through these words. 

Take heart and know there are people who do care. You are important and your life is worth living. If you feel being snuffed out by others, then it is time to find that relationship, someone you can fully trust in knowing they will take care of your flame. How is your light doing? When you fear a loving heartfelt relationship, then it is time to leave the contentment and find a better source of fuel to your fire.

Be a positive reflecting light by captivating those negative thoughts. Find different fuel sources, which will sustain your flame in order for you not to feel suffocated. Write out your thoughts and feelings and see what is keeping your light from burning brighter. A toxic relationship, a hurtful past, are things which will stop you from living a bright life of which the Creator intended for you to live. 

By faith we put it on His anvil to change us!

Photography -Mind Developing Thoughts

I can get sad, I can get frustrated, I can get scared, but I never get depressed - because there's joy in my life. - Michael J. Fox

A fog mist looms over the lake this early morning. A small chill can be felt in the air and soft puffy clouds like cotton candy float above. The sun begins to peak above the mountain, like your head peers from the warm covers of a nice cozy warm sleep you awakened fresh and renewed. 

The birds like a morning song begin to bring sounding joy. The waters of the lake ripple an invitation that it holds the depth of richness. A crackling camp fire reminds you of the days of eating Rice Krispy cereal and listening to the sounds of the snap, crackle and pop. 

A picture is worth a thousand words and yet words cannot describe the scenery before the picture is taken. How would you describe yourself?  It is a challenge in understanding what your core belief system is all about.   A selfie of you can express your outer happiness, but what about the closet of your mind where shadows are far greater?

Many patients express to me, “I am a bad person, or I am never good enough.” Negative thoughts are like termites to the mind that tend to eat away at the good core of a person. What is your belief system about yourself? If it isn’t good, then how are you treating those around you? 

It isn’t about the accomplishments, which seem to be significant, but it is the thrashing you have dealt with in your life. It isn’t about suppressing or winning, but it is about how well you have skirmished your mindless thoughts.

Everyone battles a war within because we languish in our past mistakes. Some have voids like potholes in a road in an aching heart, which long to be filled with love, or we compare ourselves to what we do not have and yet wish we had. Some sweep it away and try to block out those memories, relationships in order not to deal with change.

For some we wrestle with struggles like: identity, death, depression, loneliness, mistakes, if we are a good parent and the list is endless, but we have to first be real with who we are in the mirror of truth.  It is judgmental attitudes, those who leave us in silence and never to speak to us again, it is the fear of the unknown, which suppresses our thoughts like a dead body in a coffin buried six feet deep. 

Everyone struggles at one point in time with various things. It is what I feel makes us humble and sometimes these struggles can be the idol of focus. It develops into a pictured thought; we can’t seem to live life like we ought to live life. It is misunderstandings like a sponge we soak in and focus on the negativity rather than the positive. It is easier to draw into the negative, than focus on the positive. 

What if we captivate our thoughts like a camera, which captures a picture? We take that SD card, or film and develop or process that image into a beautiful picture. Our mind is like a camera taking in the scenery as first described within this written script and develops into words and thoughts. 

If we can embrace the pain and understand that is life. We can accomplish something very different and unusual. You rise as a victor to living and not succumb to a sarcophagus of a lifeless life. I’ve been through remarriage and divorce. In my past there was a minister who criticized me, but that didn’t stop my faith. I feel sorry for him and his disparaging words to me. I don't let others decide my fate or place of worship. I developed a healthy boundary of who I allow that is positive to influence my life. 

Bottom line is for you to start living life without judgments holding you back. Embrace pain, learn and live through it, expecting it will happen again. Learning to take the focus off yourself and placing it into a higher power was the hardest lesson for me to learn. Cancer was the pain that brought me to my knees and to dig deeper into trusting in a higher power. He has not failed me and continually blesses me. 

Therefore, take your negative thoughts and don’t miss out on a wonderful relationship. Yes, I’ve been deeply hurt in a relationship.  We all have, but similar to my situation with the one minister, should not stop you from developing a more positive and healthier relationship. 

It is true we are all on different crossroads, but that is why we have people who compliment us to inspire us and lift us up. It is easy to fall into complacency that no one will accept you for who you are. It is easy to project our fears and thoughts onto a person who is uplifting you and not allowing them to be them because you fear change or lack the experience of what a good relationship could develop.

Fighting depression? Battling your belief system? You are not alone. Find that person who inspires you to be better than where you are because life is worth living in a positive manner. One developed thought is the jump start of your altitude. How high are you willing to fly?

Don’t play leapfrog with a unicorn. Embrace fear by writing out the positives and negative by adding healthy boundaries, then develop your thoughts and see if that is worth creating that specific relationship.  You will know soon enough by how the person treats you whether or not that is a positive or negative influence.  

Take your eyes and mind as the camera and focus on what could be a positive moment. Take time and process the “negative/positive” and develop it into a picture worth keeping in your mind. Capture a positive thought and become a positive light embracing future pain and using it to help others. Soon, when you are expressive and confident, you will see you were never alone.

When we fear, it is because we do not have control over the situation. Captivate the moment and express them in positive living affirmed words by looking at truth and not within yourself or by what others express to you. There is greatness to be had, but are you willing to ride the horse called pain? 

Remember, you are not alone, but there is a life worth living if only you would embrace the future and not the past. Your mind is a plethora of photography and you have to learn how to develop those thoughts into a positive way. Life is worth living, when we can develop our core image and casting a positive flash of light captivating those happy relationships.

By faith we forge an attitude in trusting Him!

Do you have the racoon syndrome?

“It's strange indeed how memories can lie dormant in a man's mind for so many years. Yet those  memories can be awakened and brought forth fresh and new, just by something you've seen, or something you've heard, or the sight of an old familiar face.” ~ Wilson Rawls, Where the Red Fern Grows

While growing up there was a favorite book as a child I would like to read; entitled, “Where the Red Fern Grows.” It is about a young boy, named Billy and his two coon dogs “Old Dan & Little Ann”.  Billy became excited to go hunting with his two new coon dogs and sought advice from his grandfather on how to trap a coon. His grandfather taught him an old trick by using a bit and a brace. 

The coon would slide his hand inside the brace in order to pick up something reflective (like a piece of metal).  The coon would clasp his fist around the metal and would not let go as it tried to pull it out of the brace. The coon was relentless on not letting it go, therefore causing itself to be snared. 

Sometimes as humans we are similar to the raccoon. We want to hold onto what seems “attractive” and later on it seems to plague us. In my own correspondence with others, I have come to a conclusion, even within my own journey in life, that humans have a tendency to hold onto things, which are not healthy. 

I am not writing about a physical disorder called, “hording”.  A Hording Disorder is someone who never throws anything away because there is some attachment to the object. Things collect and can become a health risk. To them it is something with meaning and to the outsiders, it is seems as useless trash. 

The mind is similar to hording and it can become an unhealthy mind. This is what I would like to refer to as, “mind hording” of specific events, words, actions, guilt, shame, remorse, feelings, trauma to which becomes unhealthy attachments into the mind.  At times it is very difficult to accept or embrace the changes we encounter or the fear of encountering. It takes a lot of strength and energy to hold onto something and not letting it go. We lose time and quality relationships by holding onto what are not productive situations. 

In my personal experience, I conveyed a thought and I did not know the effect of my communication to an ex-spouse, until three years later. It was revealed to me in a discussion, which turned into an argument, that she harbored the words and the statement for years and did not talk to me about the hurt she felt. When I conveyed my statement in a different way, it made sense to her and she relinquished the ill feelings she had harbored for so long. The thoughts that were held for those three years affected the attitudes in both of us. 

Letting go is a very difficult challenge. It is like a raccoon becoming snared in the box because it wants the shiny object and with a closed fist, it can’t pull its hand out of the snare. Often we can find ourselves trapped in relationships because we fear the unknown. Often we want to hold onto what hurts us as a self-defense mechanism to keep others at bay. Words, events, actions of others can be like shiny objects; never wanting to let go of the familiar. When we embrace change, accept what could or may not happen, then only then will we be strengthened by understanding it takes letting go of the emotional attachments. 

There is an option to take to free oneself of the destructive thoughts, grudges, resentments, so that it isn’t manifested through attitudes, which are projected onto others. I feel there are two keys to a better sense of a healthy mind.  It is something I learned after years of holding onto resentment of loved ones, which stemmed from my childhood and teen-age years. I had to let go through forgiveness. It improved the relationship and it allowed me to be free and through attitude, too see them in a different perspective, which allows me to be happier. 

First key is forgiving. It does not mean to erase your past or to forget. It doesn’t mean the other person will change their behavior, but it means you are letting go and clearing the mind to allow positive thoughts to flow. The second key is communicating. Communicate with your self, by thinking through things clearly and then communicating with the other person your thoughts and feelings. 

Figure out how you could have been partially responsible for what occurred. Could it have been prevented and can it be in the future? It isn’t accepting all the blame or taking responsibility from the other person; it is a mind process to allow positive thinking instead of negative thinking. This process allows one to realize we are not a victim, but a participant in life, which can help make one a victor. 

Letting go means you cannot control the actions of others; only you have control over your thoughts and actions. Letting go means to quit reliving the hurt by rehashing past events and languishing over the “could have”, the “only –if”, and the “should have” events. There is a power to move on, but it takes exercise of the mind to the will of forgiveness. 

It is easy to say let go. I know I have heard it all my life and sometimes resented others for telling me to let go. The realization which helped was not in the words itself of letting go, but the confusion of how to let go. It was unfamiliar territory for me. Having been taught on how to hold onto things because of sentimental value or wanting to hold onto things because of past memories was easier (familiar). 

Instead, these things were tearing me up and being projected onto others. I had to understand, there can be miss communication at times. I had to learn how to exercise of letting go. I had to think of all my problems and realize I needed to change. I thought about the pros and cons of how it affected the relationships, the pain the problems caused, are my thoughts stopping me from pursuing what I wanted.  Then I had to look at communicating my thoughts because they were sometimes wrong in my perceptions and had to make amends and then forgiving myself and others.

Letting go means you recognize the pain and it will take time to heal. There has to be commitment to change. Step outside of the comfort and the blanket of the familiarity and learn to walk on your own without the crutch of excuses and blame. Take control of your destiny by making healthy thoughtful choices that will allow you to be free from the pain of the past.

The mind can be a prison, which enables you to be bitter and see life as a pain. Instead, the keys of communication and forgiveness can open the prison and enable you to see life in a positive view of overcoming, even in the bleakest of times. Hold onto precious memories like Billy in the Where the Red Fern Grows and not on events which cause more pain. It is letting go of the familiar and walking in the uncharted territory and accepting the good and the bad, which allows you to let go to see a world of Hope.

By faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)