Pandora's Box- Unleash Hope Into Your Life

People who state they enjoy being alone are not what they profess. They are alone “because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.” -- Jodi Picoult

It is in scary movies. It is in our everyday life. Inquiring minds want to know. One simple word entices it more; no. It rises from the unknown grave and it is called curiosity. Curiosity can be the key that open’s Pandora’s Box. Pandora is part of the Greek Mythology of a beautiful bride that received a box from Zeus as a wedding gift. The box came with a key and a note attached that read: “DO NOT OPEN.” 

We have an expression in our culture… "curiosity kills the cat".  For some reason the untouchable seems enticing to be touchable. Curiosity seems to get the best of us at times; just like Pandora and her box. It began to eat at her like leprosy. She took the key and she gave in. She opened the box.  Her actions unleashed tragic self-harm like guilt, shame and pain from mistakes and she closed the box. 

 “They gave Pandora a box. Prometheus begged her not to open it. She opened it. Every evil to which human flesh is heir came out of it. The last thing to come out of the box was hope. It flew away.” ― Kurt Vonnegut, Timequake

I had worked at Kmart as a manager, when I was laid off in 2001. It was an overwhelming responsibility to have five managers under you and employees that looked to you for your leadership. It was my turn to manage the store and I happened to be walking through the store and noticed a small boy about the age of 10. 

I was curious and observed him from a distance as he was contemplating, then looking both ways he hid something under his shirt. Walking over to him, he noticed I was very tall, and he had a scared look on his face. “Where are your parents?”, I asked. Replying in a shaken voice, “I am here with my grandmother.” As soon as he replied his grandmother came around the corner. I began to talk and …….. 

See curiosity pulls us in. I bet your wondering what I did next and how it ended. You could stop reading, but would you know the ending? Maybe ... I won’t tell you and maybe... I will tell you at the end of this blog in order for you to capture the essence of what I am trying to convey. 

Remain curious about who you are. Push yourself to do things outside the box. To develop healthy relationships you have to release the hope that is still trapped in your Pandora Box. Hope will heal the unleashed “tragedies” within your life. Face life with joy and don't hide behind the curtain of hurt.

 “Love is a panda in Pandora’s box. But don’t open it, because it took me forever to get it inside.” ― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

You don’t want to move into a new relationship because you are afraid of getting hurt. You don’t want to change because you are afraid of being hurt. You don’t want to go to somewhere new because you are afraid of being judged and people will treat you differently. You don’t want to go to church because they will look down on you. 

You have trapped all these memories in your own “Pandora Box”, but you haven’t unleashed hope. Place healthy boundaries of hope in your life, so that you can live life to the fullest and without the fear of being hurt. This is the “oven mitten” you place on your emotional state from getting burnt.

First, take a couple of steps back and evaluate the situation. Are you upset because you have been taken advantage of?  Use hope and figure out maybe it is an old thought pattern that has chained you to think the worse. Decide if this new situation has merit and maybe you were not taken advantage of because your expectation wasn’t met. 

Second, list ways to release negative feelings you have by writing them out. Kill irrational thoughts and which thoughts are over reactions due to past experiences. Can you take a baby step and at least test the waters? It may not be as bad as you once thought. Give hope a chance.

Finally, look to see if you have repetitious patterns. Are you in the same type of relationship repeating patterns of unhealthy cycles? Is it impacting your self-esteem, your mood and well-being? Patterns can be learned in childhood and you can break the cycle and manage this compulsive behavior. No wonder you become afraid of getting hurt. It wasn’t them, it was you and the choices you were making were self-harming. It stopped you from living the life that Christ called you to live.

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."-- Isaiah 41:13

Acknowledge there will be challenges in your negative thoughts that could reappear. For women it may look like frustration because you are getting dressed to go out to dinner and you do not like how you are looking in the mirror. Step back. Look at the situation. Have you been hurt in the past because someone said something about your looks? Second, change your thoughts to a positive thought: “I am beating myself up because I am nervous due to past experiences.” 

Finally, acknowledge your thoughts and don’t fight them. Time to take control over your mind and relax and develop the confidence you look great and if there are rejections, then it wasn’t you. It was the other person not accepting you as the whole. The dress doesn’t make you! 

Grandmother asked, “What is going on?” I explained to her that he had hid something under his shirt. You can see the bulge where he stuck it in his pants and under his shirt. He gently pulled it out and it was a match box car. I could have unleashed Pandora’s Box of tyranny of hopelessness. Instead, I released hope. 

We talked about his consequences. I explained that sometimes if you ask for things you may get them. I offered grandmother a dollar and said this one is on me. Grandmother was in tears expressed it is hard for her to buy things for her grandson. He knows better and they both apologized. 

Pandora went against the box’s instructions of “do not open” and unleashed hurt upon herself. She heard the small voice inside the box that said, “Release me.” Pandora opened the box and hope healed all the pain she suffered. Isn’t it time to release hope out of the box and begin the journey to heal. If you become afraid of being hurt, then ask yourself, have you released hope to help you conquer the fears you have? 

Life begins with hope, develops into faith and then into an everlasting love. Love doesn’t take into account the wrong it has been done to them. Love allows forgiveness to seem as if it was seventy times seven. Love is wise as a serpent and innocent as a dove. Begin forging your faith on the anvil of perfection. You already opened the box once and you experienced pain in your life due to vulnerability.  This time open it again and allow hope to restore you. 

  

 By Faith, 

Relationships - The Moment of Impact

"We're all on loan. The only thing that makes sense is to be together.” “There's a million what-ifs in life. You just have to keep yourself from thinking about the bad ones.”― Juliette Fay, Shelter Me  

On August 1903 Muriel Strode wrote a poem that was published, titled “Wind-Wafted Wild Flowers”   It is a challenge to go on a new journey and not knowing what will become of things on the other side or at the end of the journey. She wrote, "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”

In 2009 driving along the highway we were headed to Las Vegas, Nevada to see family.  It was a leisurely drive and thankful for being able to stop in Albuquerque, New Mexico to stay with my grandmother. The next morning we were traveling and we were distracted by a sign: Crater City next exit. It was an amazing adventure and I learned how millions of years ago the earth was impacted by a crater and left the mark in the earth.  Wow; I thought this is how we impact others physically and emotionally. 

On the way back we stopped at the Grand Canyon. It is still a mystery to me in how the canyon can be so wide. Scientists believe the water made the change by making debris flows which deepened and widened the walls and forming the canyon into what it is today. The water created its own path and left a trail known as the Colorado River. 

Personal relationships or people in general, provide good impacts and trails within our hearts that have left a footprint in our lives. Sometimes, there are the negative impacts. However, do we show how we been negatively impacted by others like Crater City and never filling in the void? 

“Loneliness is painful. But suffering is not wrong in and of itself. It's part of the human experience, and in a way brings us closer to all people.” – Juliette Fay, Shelter Me

This past weekend, I was impacted by watching a Netflix movie called: Gimme Shelter. It is based on a true story of a teen who ventured out on her own after abuse by her mother. She didn’t know she was pregnant when she showed up at her father’s house. There was a moment of impact for me in the movie which I could identify here are some bits and pieces of quotes: 

Agnes ‘Apple’ Bailey:  I just wanted to come and tell you I probably shouldn’t have yelled at you.

Chaplain:  Are you apologizing to me?

Agnes ‘Apple’ Bailey:  Um…  I’m not.

Chaplain:  Sounds like it to me.  Never apologize for your true feelings.

Agnes ‘Apple’ Bailey:  Where was God when I was suffering and abused all these years?

Chaplain:  Don’t make your child suffer because you’re suffering. Jeremiah 29:11-12, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. “

Agnes ‘Apple’ Bailey (talking about the shelter for teen mothers):  The people there, they make you feel like a family.  Like you’re loved….  It’s crazy how you can go and live with strangers and feel so much joy and not feel any different, and not feel unwanted and feel you can go places in your life and succeed in life.  I know I can be your daughter, someday, but I need time.  Can you give me that?

Tom (her father):  Yeah, I can do that.

We are all impacted by good and bad ways. When we are negatively impacted, we can blame, accuse, excuse or be angry at a person who we feel has hurt us. Sometimes our views are skewed by others biased gossip. There are times we can be impacted and felt hurt by someone, but it stemmed from prior hurts we never dealt with, which is often known as baggage. These feelings can be projected onto the person we feel is hurting us, when in fact, they are trying to uplift us and challenge us to changes we are not accustomed to. 

We all have been impacted by hurts and wonder "why". In the movie, "Apple" asked, "Where was God when I was suffering and abused all these years." The Chaplain went to the truth. Often we feed into lies that breed more contempt or disheartening, instead of looking to the truth. The truth was found in scripture when he quoted: Jeremiah 29:11-12, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. “

We are all impacted in some way by each other. Sometimes our suffering stems from poor choices, which other people have made and sometimes even in our choice that we have made. God has a way of turning the bad into something good; but only if we choose to call, come and pray on Him. Allow the impacts of your life to turn into positives in order to challenge and uplift others who are stuck in their craters of life. 

I want to leave you with this quote and may you find it having an impact by providing hope:

It is the darkness of misapprehension of God that is

enshrouding the world. Men are losing their knowledge of His

character. It has been misunderstood and misinterpreted. At

this time a message from God is to be proclaimed, a message

illuminating in its influence and saving in its power. His

character is to be made known. Into the darkness of the world is

to be shed the light of His glory, the light of His goodness, mercy

and truth. . . . The last rays of merciful light, the last message of

mercy to be given to the world, is the revelation of His character

of love” (E. G. White, Christ Object Lessons [Hagerstown, MD:

Review and Herald Publishing Association, 1941], p. 415-16).

It is time to make a positive IMPACT on others. Let’s begin illuminating a positive story that provides a world of Hope that there are good things in life. If we choose to look at the positive impacts of how Christ perfects us through His love and grace and our focus is on Him and not of ourselves, then we created a new trail because many of us are used to walking similar paths of pain. 

  The good news is that God is not the kind of person Satan has made Him out to be. . . . Since the great controversy began,it has been Satan’s studied purpose to persuade angels and men that God is not worthy of their faith and love. He has pictured the Creator as a harsh, demanding tyrant who lays arbitrary requirements upon His people just to show His authority and test their willingness to obey (Graham Maxwell, Pineknoll.org)

By Faith, 

A Hard Pill Called - Acceptance (part 1 Change)

“You couldn't relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole--like the world, or the person you loved.” ― Stewart O'Nan, The Odds: A Love Story

I was 17 years old and barely new into Oklahoma. My father transferred air bases from Japan to Tinker AFB in Oklahoma City. What a culture shock, even though I was an American it was hard to adjust back into a fast paced society, where in three years there were many changes, which took place. Ma Bell was broken into different entities. Speed limits on highways changed. It was difficult to accept these changes.

Finding a job was an easy task for me. Burger King was my second job and I was one of their crew trainers. It was fun working in the kitchen and I enjoyed cooking. There was a girl named, Melody, working the upfront counter. Beautiful, sweet, charming and seemed to always catch my attention. I swallowed hard and my heart beat fast and then it happened. “Would you like to go out with me and go to bible study this Wednesday?” I asked. She replied with excitement in her voice and the date was set.

We called each other every night up to the big day. It would be my first date back in the US. I polished up my Tank that my grandparents gave me. Granted it was a 1970 Chevrolet Impala; but I didn’t care because it was special to me because it was my grandfather’s car. I hurried home from school and couldn’t wait till 5:00 PM because we were going out to eat and then to bible study.

I pulled up to her house and her sister carrying her daughter came out of the house. Eyes puffy, tears streaming down her face and the look of shock as if she saw a ghost was on her face. I rolled down my window and I asked, “Is Melody home?” Long silence as she gathered her thoughts and in a quavering voice she answered. “Haven’t you heard” she inquired, “Melody is dead.” My heart ached at the news. I was in disbelief. With a soft spoken voice, “may I ask what happened? I just spoke to her this morning before school.” She tried to hold the tears back and with a crackling over her voice and sobbing, she shared that Melody was killed on a head on collision forty five minutes ago when a truck crossed the median and she was killed instantly. The steering wheel with such blunt force crushed her chest. Now, I appreciate air bags!

When I expressed I would be writing this blog to a friend of mine, she stated, “Acceptance …Yes…. That’s always hard pill to swallow.” Her statement resonated with me. Acceptance is like medication. It is a pill that allows you to heal, even when a devastating blow like I just described, hits you in the face. I could have been bitter and angry about the situation, but I had to accept what happened.

Learn this from me. Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.” ― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

In one of my master’s counseling courses, I remember studying the stages of grief. Dr Kubler-Ross wrote in her book, “It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up -- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.”  There, do you see it? It is how to accept the blow of changes. It is how to relate to everyone. We are fooled into thinking we are invincible. Reread her quote. See it now? “We have a LIMITED time on earth.”

What a hard pill to swallow. How can you accept someone who just died? How do you accept you have cancer? How do you accept you were terminated from your job? How do you accept you are going to go through a divorce? How do you accept the changes, which is like a blast of flaming heat?

When Dr.Kubler-Ross wrote the statement she expressed to her children to release balloons to celebrate her “graduation” (her death). She expressed acceptance is “living” and “so you do not have to look back and say: “God, how I have wasted my life.”   

What are you holding onto? Anger that only cut’s like a knife? Guilt, which is acid to the heart? How do I accept change?

 I had to recognize nothing is everlasting and “old” things vanish and new things replace it; like the seasons: fall and spring. Second, I had to realize there is a reason for change, even when we do not want it. Melody taught me to embrace change and to value human life. She was my first encounter with a tragic death. Finally, I had to accept change and to embrace it as truth. No hiding from it. No denying it happened.

I stood there looking at the closed casket. The family wanted it to be closed because of the extensive damage she suffered from the wreck. A large framed picture of Melody was at the head of her casket. I quietly said my good byes and placed my hand on the casket, “I’ll see you one day on the other side my friend.”

What do you value? Lao Tzu expressed, “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”  It is never too late to express to someone how you feel. Forgive those who hurt you. Accept those who want to love you, even when you feel you don’t have room to allow anyone in. Death, where is thy sting?

Accept human life as a vapor. It is only here for a little while. Not to look past people as though you can’t see them; but you value what they put into your life. Acceptance may be a hard pill to swallow and it comes in many forms. I want to end this with a quote from Joanne Harris from her book, “Five Quarters of the Orange”, “I let it go. It’s like swimming against the current. It exhausts you. After a while, whoever you are, you just have to let it go, and the river brings you home.”

 I have two more blogs written, parts 1 and 2. These two blogs address how to accept yourself and then accepting rejection. How well do you accept yourself? How do you accept rejection? Continue next week and by accepting change we place our attitude on His anvil.