A Few Choice Words - The Rainbow Effect

“But if thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought.”  ― George Orwell, 1984

Not sure what to write because feelings cannot be expressed through the words I wish to convey. In reality words are like clothes, which cover the natural state of thoughts. I will do my best to lay bare my thoughts in such a way you can feel clothed in richness and in warmth of my words.

Words can be forgotten. Words can be formulated like a mathematical equation that sometimes the mind cannot think or capture the meaning behind it. The voice of projection behind those words can be calm and soothing and lost in the memory of yesterday. How can my words be eloquently conveyed and to never be forgotten? 

"The strength of a man isn't seen in the power of his arms. 

It's seen in the love with which he EMBRACES you.”

 ― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

A simple touch of my fingertips to remind you I am there and a gently spoken word at the same time is like electricity to the light bulb. The light shines as though the electricity is unseen and so are the words, but the action is what is remembered by the simple touch. Words can be wasted energy, but with action can become an electrifying experience which can sometimes melt the coldest heart.

A meaningful hug embraced with simple words can create a memory and a fondness of yesterday years past. The perfume or cologne enhances the moment as you drift on the pillow where they once laid. The voice is the electricity, which projects the image as if you were in the present. 

Cards, letters, texts, books, emails, and blogs, formulated by words, can only do so much.  The mind is the gatekeeper to the heart or is the heart the gatekeeper of the mind? Whatever the gatekeeper may be; there has to be a key. What is the key? Words with actions being conveyed in a trusting and consistent manner and even if it is the right key, the door must be willing to be opened by the owner. 

I choose to see a world where words are like colors. My mind is the paintbrush in how I wish to paint the picture of my heart. My eyes are the expressions of my soul. When words flow from the paintbrush, do you see the blank canvas formulating the richness, the depths of who I am inside as a person?

How are you painting your picture of your life for others to see? We can shut down and close out the world and all there will be is grey, black or white. Or we can open our minds and see the different colors within the rainbow. 

Words are the colors. Actions are the paintbrushes. Do they paint a picture which conveys in others a masterpiece of warmth? 

Sometimes creating healthy boundaries of what we allow into our life or not allow is the key to having successful relationships and lives. If we allow words from music to penetrate our heart, then how does it move us or shape us into what we do? If we read or listen to words, which are depressing, then do we become depressed? If we listen to words, which are violent, do we mask our lives with hurt and then do we become grumpy with others and lash out?

Words matter and Solomon said it best, “Watch your words and hold your tongue; you’ll save yourself a lot of grief” (Prov. 21:23).  Instead of formulating words to hurt others by gossip, or gathering them to malign someone, think of the damage you will be doing to others, and to yourself.  

 “Words are like eggs dropped from great heights; you can no more call them back than ignore the mess they leave when they fall.” ― Jodi Picoult, Salem Falls

Words are what motivates or destroys individuals and relationships. "I am sorry" may not be the right words to mend fences. "I love you" may be the bond to hold hearts together. "Please" and "thank you" may not be the right words to get what you are wanting. Words have to be formulated with action in order for them to be on the canvas to be showcased. Positive words may not be the right words to move mountains. Negative words may not be what destroys mountains. Sometimes words can be intercepted and misinterpreted. How then can we live in a world which thrives on communication?

There is enough darkness in this world with words to tell us we are not good enough. People try to control us with words to express you are not lovable. Words can be like toxic waste that oozes into the brain and we believe every word because we trust or we have aligned ourselves to see it the way others view it. 

“A picture can tell a thousand words,  but a few words can change it’s story.”  ― Sebastyne Young

When is it time for words to become positive energy to paint on a canvas that can portray to the world a light? His Word for me is the light. I have learned to marinate in the words, which provides such richness and depths that I want to paint that canvas of hope. Or when I am down and weary, the positive words, He is there, are the colors, which are splattered on my heart to paint a wonderful feeling and expression. 

You are worthy. Find words to formulate a masterpiece within you. Filter out harsh words that want to destroy the masterpiece you want to create. There is enough good in a person that if you choose to look for the good, it will be there. There is also enough bad in a person that if you choose to look for the bad, it will be there. Be careful in the words you form. They may not be the right colors you want to paint. 

“The universe doesn’t give you what you ask for with your thoughts - it gives you what you demand with your actions.”  ― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

By Faith, 

Crossword – Fitting Words to Communicate

”We live and breathe words. .... It was books that made me feel that perhaps I was not completely alone. They could be honest with me, and I with them. Reading your words, what you wrote, how you were lonely sometimes and afraid, but always brave; the way you saw the world, its colors and textures and sounds, I felt--I felt the way you thought, hoped, felt, dreamt. I felt I was dreaming and thinking and feeling with you. I dreamed what you dreamed, wanted what you wanted--and then I realized that truly I just wanted you.” ― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

There it is in black and white and your mind is stumped. Little boxed squares with numbers inside. There is a hint for a six letter word going across that is the synonym for excogitate. The first letter is filled in with the letter P going down. Now, sometimes my vocabulary is limited and I would have to look up the word “excogitate.”  If I can deliberate that for a moment, then the word just may populate in my mind.

Have you had the challenge of working with crossword puzzles? I sometimes like them, but I enjoy scrabble. However, you have to have a repertoire of words to pull out of your brain to lay them in a scoring manner. Have you figured out that word yet? Great! Don’t tell anyone, because I will reveal it at the end of this blog to help you out with that crossword puzzle answer.

Words are written sometimes in black and white. Sometimes, things are bold face as we read them. Most of us have the problem reading the fine print. However, what is it about our eyes and mind working together that makes it seem impossible to understand what we are reading. Sometimes it may seem we have selective reading. Our emotions and thoughts are the glasses to how we respond back to that email or text.

One thing I learned about texting while driving is being very careful in what you say. Words have different meanings and sometimes the way you enunciate it into your phone doesn’t always come out the way you expected it to be. Like the time I was at a stop light and spoke into my phone, “I hope you have received my text and I will text you later when I get into the office.” Well, yes, you guessed it… I hit send because the light turned green and I didn’t proof my text message.

In 30 seconds, I received an odd response back to my text.  I looked and busted out laughing. Well, my sent text read, “I hope you received sex and I will see you later, when I gate in 2 the office.” I turned three shades of red that day! Their reply, “Not yet, waiting on you!  (evil grin).”

There are four significant reasons why marriages fail and some relationships fail: communication, finances, children and sex. Therefore, since we already seemed to cover the last topic, let’s get to the core issue to any relationship: communication. Communication is essential and with today’s electronics there is a bigger disconnect in understanding each other due to the lack of face to face intervention.

When I went out to eat there was a family of four sitting at a table at a Mexican restaurant in Broken Arrow. Mom and dad both were on their cell phones and their two children had I-pads, while waiting on their food. Really? I do not see that marriage lasting much longer, when the children get older. These children had to be at least 6 or 8 years of age.

Communication is important and it is equally important to be understood. Expectations thwarts our communication and it leaves you “pondering” over whether or not the other person understood and then feelings get hurt and relationships downgrade from there. How do couples who have been married over 30 plus years make it?

The following is my observation as to why they make it and maybe this will help as a gentle reminder of communicating with others:

1.          Be self-accepting of yourself—be confident in who you are.  This allows the other person to be heard without you interjecting or forcing yourself into the relationship. It allows you to hear and to grasp the opinion of the other person without “the need to be right.” It provides an open table to strive to understand the other person’s viewpoint. When you are not confident often times it can be seen as becoming defensive if someone is providing constructive criticism.

2.           Attitude & emotion —Our emotions can be like the wind and change direction and force at any given time. Being cognitive of our emotional continuum in a difficult situation will facilitate the outcome. Words have power and it is difficult once they are spewed to take them back. Avoid the temptation or retaliating with a quick response. If someone is emotional look past their emotion and listen first. What if this person had a tragic event and they were lashing out? When you have an attitude of patience and have a caring emotion, then you can come to an understanding of how that person is trying to convey themselves at that moment even if they are unable to see it themselves.  Being aware of your own attitude and emotion will help alleviate unnecessary hardship on the relationship by having a crucial conversation and both can learn to understand.

3.           Perception-reception —Learn to ask deeper questions. Clarify the statement instead of taking it at face value. We often think we said one thing and it didn’t come out right. Even though I spoke into my phone it didn’t correctly type out what I wanted to say. I can’t take those words back. Check your perception by the other person’s communication and clarify what they are seeking by being receptive. Even though those words may be hurtful or stressful, be receptive and use words like, “I understand” or “I heard you say.” When we use “I” in understanding it helps the other person know you are listening and validating who they are. Statements like, “You need to do this” or “What have I told YOU about” can be destructive and builds defensive walls.

4.            Respect —By having a respectful attitude, no matter how tough the conversation can be, you can be fruitful within most any dialogue. This means being careful of assumptions you make about the other person. Someone expressed, “You want someone who can return your love and affection. I can’t do that. I have treated you badly and I am not proud of myself.” In a relationship it is better not to assume what the other person wants because sometimes it is based upon your own limitations and thoughts about yourself and projecting that onto the other person. Being respectful is being mindful of your limitations, but allowing that person to communicate their feelings in a healthy manner. Being respectful opens the door to compromise and mediation in order for both sides to be heard and understood.

5.            FEAR-Blame—Unhealthy fear compels people to feel precarious. They don’t trust others or themselves in order to manage difficult conversational situations. Communication can be a power struggle if one feels fearful in having a loss of control over the situation. Then they assign blame. Blame has a brother and sister named regret and shame. This has the intent of instantaneously wanting to reply without understanding the other person. Having a healthy sense of the situation allows you to apologize to others and take responsibility.  This develops a healthy sense of communication which may repair the relationship and through positive action restore the damage.

Communication is difficult. Like a crossword puzzle you can have cross words with others if you are not careful. This leaves a person to “ponder” (excogitate), where they are with you in the relationship. How you think determines how you are able to communicate. You live as you think, therefore, be positive and remember to listen first, and then speak if warranted. Before speaking or putting your words in text, be mindful how your emotion will be asserted. It is important to have the right perception and be receptive because it will make the difference in the person speaking to you. Showing respect to the other person by keeping your fear in check and not blaming will keep the doors to communication open.

It is our attitude that is being forged on the anvil of His hands molding us into something far greater than where we were before. Finally, always let your words be like salt by seasoning and preserving the relationship to last for years to come.  Stephen Covey said it best, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

By Faith (forging attitude in trusting Him)