Humpty Dumpty - It's Okay to Feel Broken

“Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant.” ~Paul Coelho.

I was reaching into the fridge to pull out a corning ware bowl; I bumped my elbow, and lost the bowl. There was shredded glass all over the stone floor. If Humpty Dumpty was an egg, then how did all the kings’ men put him back together again? There was no way of putting a 1,000 piece corning ware bowl back together again.  Luckily, no cuts when sweeping up the mess and tossing it away. 

Do you feel you are in a mess? Life happens and it seems like everything falls to pieces. It is a challenge to figure out what piece to start with and to move into a zone of being focused on putting it all back together. Maybe people give up on you and shut you out of their life because they don't like the positive changes you have made. 

Life can be challenging. Picking up the pieces to start over is difficult. There are some who will never forgive the wrong they have been done to them. There are some who want the control and will hold the past over your head. Therefore, why subject yourself to unhealthy people and their thinking when there are positive changes of moving forward with improvements in your life?

I find it interesting that some people go to work and don’t smile. Some go to worship with a smile, but life is a mess. Most do not want others to know what is going on in their life without the fear of rejection. We live in a culture where perfection is to be obtained. Don’t believe me? Then why are there so many commercials on beauty that focuses on skin, weight, hair or other parts of the body? Why do commercials state the following: “buy our product” and see the enhancement of your life?

We tend to run, when we should stand still. In our culture, men have been told not to cry and suck it up and move on. This is not healthy for anyone to not shed a tear and be emotional. When we are faced with dilemma and we fall to our knees praying, it is time to realize it is okay to be broken or to feel okay to be not okay.

“Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn’t permanent.” ~Jean Kerr 

Sometimes we allow our life to be run by others and what others think of us. We let our life be ran by a meaning of “instead”.  Instead of ending an unhealthy relationship most will stay and avoid confrontation to experience a sense of control. Instead of leaving a demanding endless job to find a new one, we stay and complain about it. Instead of dealing with the feelings we minimize the pain and accept it as the reality.

It is okay to accept the fact you are broken and in a not okay state. It doesn’t mean you are a mess and you are to be thrown away. How do you “glue” yourself back to a “normal state”?  Give yourself the permission to be broken and from there you can be made whole again. 

How?

 “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change.” ~Wayne Dyer

First, learn to accept your life as it is right now. It doesn’t matter the situation and look at it as areas of prospects of growth. Accept your mistakes, then let go by forgiving yourself by relinquishing your fears, stress and those who may blame you or try to control you by holding the past over you. Mediation helps clear the mind and negativity and recreates a renewing of your mind to focus on the positive. 

Second, set your emotions aside and become a Star Trek “Spock” and become analytical for a moment. Observe your situation and create a plan of action, but not reaction. Learn to develop an honest look at your reactions. Do you jump to conclusions? Do you feel you need approval? Do you feel you have to please others? 

Finally, I had to learn God uses broken people. Regardless of your relationships, mistakes you done in your past, or those who want to confine you to your mistakes, it’s time for a change. Discover ways to take responsibility for your joy. We may not be able to minimize the feelings of brokenness, but we can pick different things to have a basis of enjoyment, for ourselves and those around us. Accept it is okay not to be okay and sometimes we need to feel broken in order to recreate ourselves into a better place and situation. Leave behind those who will ridicule you. Leave behind those who do not mentally supply you with a sense of healthiness. 

Like a butterfly, emerge from the cocoon you have gently wrapped yourself up in and begin to fly with new energy. Surround yourself with those who are positive and will encourage you and not attack you. Develop a sense of healthiness by creating new healthy boundaries which are productive to help you reach your goal.

By putting my faith on His anvil it was a challenge in my life. I made plenty of mistakes. My brokenness and mistakes are no different from yours and vice versa. Therefore, we need to pull ourselves together and realize we can make a difference by using our broken lives to fit into the puzzle of life. I admire artists that take broken dishes to create a beautiful master piece. You may not look like the original dish, but now you are a piece of art work for others to admire. 

By Faith, 

Forging Attitude In Trusting Him

Do you have the racoon syndrome?

“It's strange indeed how memories can lie dormant in a man's mind for so many years. Yet those  memories can be awakened and brought forth fresh and new, just by something you've seen, or something you've heard, or the sight of an old familiar face.” ~ Wilson Rawls, Where the Red Fern Grows

While growing up there was a favorite book as a child I would like to read; entitled, “Where the Red Fern Grows.” It is about a young boy, named Billy and his two coon dogs “Old Dan & Little Ann”.  Billy became excited to go hunting with his two new coon dogs and sought advice from his grandfather on how to trap a coon. His grandfather taught him an old trick by using a bit and a brace. 

The coon would slide his hand inside the brace in order to pick up something reflective (like a piece of metal).  The coon would clasp his fist around the metal and would not let go as it tried to pull it out of the brace. The coon was relentless on not letting it go, therefore causing itself to be snared. 

Sometimes as humans we are similar to the raccoon. We want to hold onto what seems “attractive” and later on it seems to plague us. In my own correspondence with others, I have come to a conclusion, even within my own journey in life, that humans have a tendency to hold onto things, which are not healthy. 

I am not writing about a physical disorder called, “hording”.  A Hording Disorder is someone who never throws anything away because there is some attachment to the object. Things collect and can become a health risk. To them it is something with meaning and to the outsiders, it is seems as useless trash. 

The mind is similar to hording and it can become an unhealthy mind. This is what I would like to refer to as, “mind hording” of specific events, words, actions, guilt, shame, remorse, feelings, trauma to which becomes unhealthy attachments into the mind.  At times it is very difficult to accept or embrace the changes we encounter or the fear of encountering. It takes a lot of strength and energy to hold onto something and not letting it go. We lose time and quality relationships by holding onto what are not productive situations. 

In my personal experience, I conveyed a thought and I did not know the effect of my communication to an ex-spouse, until three years later. It was revealed to me in a discussion, which turned into an argument, that she harbored the words and the statement for years and did not talk to me about the hurt she felt. When I conveyed my statement in a different way, it made sense to her and she relinquished the ill feelings she had harbored for so long. The thoughts that were held for those three years affected the attitudes in both of us. 

Letting go is a very difficult challenge. It is like a raccoon becoming snared in the box because it wants the shiny object and with a closed fist, it can’t pull its hand out of the snare. Often we can find ourselves trapped in relationships because we fear the unknown. Often we want to hold onto what hurts us as a self-defense mechanism to keep others at bay. Words, events, actions of others can be like shiny objects; never wanting to let go of the familiar. When we embrace change, accept what could or may not happen, then only then will we be strengthened by understanding it takes letting go of the emotional attachments. 

There is an option to take to free oneself of the destructive thoughts, grudges, resentments, so that it isn’t manifested through attitudes, which are projected onto others. I feel there are two keys to a better sense of a healthy mind.  It is something I learned after years of holding onto resentment of loved ones, which stemmed from my childhood and teen-age years. I had to let go through forgiveness. It improved the relationship and it allowed me to be free and through attitude, too see them in a different perspective, which allows me to be happier. 

First key is forgiving. It does not mean to erase your past or to forget. It doesn’t mean the other person will change their behavior, but it means you are letting go and clearing the mind to allow positive thoughts to flow. The second key is communicating. Communicate with your self, by thinking through things clearly and then communicating with the other person your thoughts and feelings. 

Figure out how you could have been partially responsible for what occurred. Could it have been prevented and can it be in the future? It isn’t accepting all the blame or taking responsibility from the other person; it is a mind process to allow positive thinking instead of negative thinking. This process allows one to realize we are not a victim, but a participant in life, which can help make one a victor. 

Letting go means you cannot control the actions of others; only you have control over your thoughts and actions. Letting go means to quit reliving the hurt by rehashing past events and languishing over the “could have”, the “only –if”, and the “should have” events. There is a power to move on, but it takes exercise of the mind to the will of forgiveness. 

It is easy to say let go. I know I have heard it all my life and sometimes resented others for telling me to let go. The realization which helped was not in the words itself of letting go, but the confusion of how to let go. It was unfamiliar territory for me. Having been taught on how to hold onto things because of sentimental value or wanting to hold onto things because of past memories was easier (familiar). 

Instead, these things were tearing me up and being projected onto others. I had to understand, there can be miss communication at times. I had to learn how to exercise of letting go. I had to think of all my problems and realize I needed to change. I thought about the pros and cons of how it affected the relationships, the pain the problems caused, are my thoughts stopping me from pursuing what I wanted.  Then I had to look at communicating my thoughts because they were sometimes wrong in my perceptions and had to make amends and then forgiving myself and others.

Letting go means you recognize the pain and it will take time to heal. There has to be commitment to change. Step outside of the comfort and the blanket of the familiarity and learn to walk on your own without the crutch of excuses and blame. Take control of your destiny by making healthy thoughtful choices that will allow you to be free from the pain of the past.

The mind can be a prison, which enables you to be bitter and see life as a pain. Instead, the keys of communication and forgiveness can open the prison and enable you to see life in a positive view of overcoming, even in the bleakest of times. Hold onto precious memories like Billy in the Where the Red Fern Grows and not on events which cause more pain. It is letting go of the familiar and walking in the uncharted territory and accepting the good and the bad, which allows you to let go to see a world of Hope.

By faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)

Bullet Riddled - Relationships - How to heal.

If God listened to the prayers of men, all men would quickly have perished: for they are forever praying for evil against one another. You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships every day. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity. ~ Epicurus

There is much talk in the media about gun control. Wait! Before you change this channel and want to read something different, this isn’t about gun control. Keep reading and hopefully it will help you in what most of us struggle in: relationships. People want to control guns because they fear them because of the mass damage they can do by one person. It really isn’t about the gun, but rather it is the person behind the gun. What is their intent when they want to murder innocent people? 

I feel this is the question, which should be discussed. It is easy for people to turn on each other and to maliciously malign or to murder. Words are the bullets, which our tongues fire out and often some do not care who they hit with words or the damage it does. 

I’ve struggled in this journey. I’ve struggled in my Christianity because what I have expressed to others and what I feel others have done, whether innocently or intentionally. None the less it is a struggle to be reckoned with spiritually. James in the bible discusses the tongue is very hard to bridle. Thus Christ said, it is what comes out of man that corrupts him. 

There was a moment in my life that was very hectic. False accusations were made and it estranged relationships. None the less a former minister wrote, what he felt was right, but caused a lot of spiritual damage. He did preface the email, “No, I have decided I must say this part” and he went on to berate me. Therefore, I feel if you preface your statement, then do not express it. 

What I realize is there was a twinkling in our crossroads and a moment of impact our words collided. No one understood the other. He felt I was blaming others. My intentions that I felt at the time were trying to explain what I did. This wasn’t the best thing for me to do at the time to explain my feelings. 

When two intentions collide in a moment that is impactful can cause a rift. Relationships can be like a war zone and it is up to both to reconcile. Thus peace treaties can be effective when wars break out. 

My heart doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Knowing that I have cancer has really changed me in wanting to walk with Christ even closely. The desire to walk and express the love of Christ is more compelling because there is so much hurt in the world. The world needs to know His love. I’m not the best at it, but I truly want to express the sincere heart of Him that carries me thru so much. Does that mean I didn’t have that before? No, it just means my walk with Him has strengthened. 

Many people have been hurt by the following: “bible bullets”, Christian actions, maligned words, false accusations, selfish motives, not letting go of the past and mainly not letting Him heal. Each person tends to blame or excuse the moment in time. It bothers me when the expression, “I am only human” comes into play. It does not rectify the past action and denies what one should do in the future. 

Watch the calm water. Toss or skip a rock. What happens? There are rifts in the water and it cannot be undone. We can minimize the impact on the shoreline, but none the less the rift still hits the shore. It is what we do next determines the outcome. 

What do we do in that moment? Do we blow up? Withdraw? Fight back? Never darken the doors of a church or never be a friend to someone that you have known? 

Break the word down, “relationship”.  Relate means to find a purpose in understanding the other. Ship carries cargo through waters that can be troubled or peaceful. The purpose of a relationship is to help guide each other’s ships and relating communication that will help keep the ship on course and not collide into each other or dangers, which lurk in the water. 

Have you been hurt by “bible bullets”? Have you been hurt by other actions?  Have you been hurt by family, friends, or at work? 

I didn’t know how to apologize. I grew up learning to excuse or blame when I apologize. Example, I am sorry that I did, fill in the blank, and my intention was this and truly sorry that I hurt you. I excused and never validated the other person. Someone taught me an apology is stating, “I am sorry for my actions and they really must have hurt you. Since, I hurt you, I will try not to do that again and ask for your forgiveness.” 

Words are like nails. They can hold into the mind with valuable and useful information. They can do damage and leave holes, even though words cannot be taken back. They can be forgiven. 

Whether a father, mother, spouse, sibling, family member, Christian, church member, neighbor, work place, chose words that seem to have hurt you, there is a choice that is to be made. When I read the bible and not just attend a “religious organization”, it sheds light on something different.

There is a light house that shines across our waters. We are the ships that sail in the journey we call life. It is how we relate to each other that join the ships to make it a relationship. The choice to be made is through forgiveness and love. Forgiveness is the peace treaty to stop firing the bullets. Love finds a way to keep sailing in the midst of our battles and storms, which rage. 

I’ve been hurt by ministers, elders who never called to see how I was doing, Christians that chose sides with an ex-spouse, churches who do not support when I was in need, relationships that were abandoned, but I too have caused hurt through my words, whether intentional or unintentional. We can blame the church or others or we can blame ourselves. The real issue is not found in blame. Blaming minimizes the event and not focusing on the remedy of how to move forward. 

The real concern is when will our words begin to be the salve to the wounded heart? When we choose to opt out of a relationship because we have been hurt is an easy way out. Forgiveness, whether it is warranted or not, frees you! Love, whether it is warranted or not, heals you! Learning to let go and not turning things inward can stop the waters from drowning your ship by the impacted bullets and storms, which rages around you. Learn to work at the relationship. If the other person is trying it will take work. Giving up  doesn’t teach you how to relate. 

Learn to listen and set aside the self. It isn’t about what you did. It is about what you should do. Learning to understand that someone could have had a bad day and those words may hurt you, but look past that word and into the heart of the person. Jesus looked past Peter’s denial. Called Peter to forgive the past and called to love Christ. 

Do not let others stop you from having a relationship with Christ or the Creator. Forgiveness and love opens the door to many other options. When others do not want to relate, then let go of it. Let the Father deal with it. Focus on the mission to love others and forgive, while denying your selfish desires. You are worthy to be called His. Take damaging words and create bridges that you can overcome and be a better person for it. Having a relationship with Christ and emulating what He has called us only makes the “bible bullets” be like rubber bullets. They bounce off and will not penetrate the soul. 

Trust me, I know it hurts. I too am tired of hurting. When I hurt, it hurts others by my actions. When I forgive and love, it mends relations. Even though the ships may never join, at least there is the freedom to sail without the anchor of guilt and regret holding me back from finding the Lighthouse. Christ is the lighthouse, which calls us to become a better person than where we were. It is putting our soul on the anvil. Forging (F), Attitude (A), In (I) Trusting (T) Him (H) that makes a difference when you sail. 

Human interaction should not stop us from having a relationship with Him. When we fail to forgive, and fail to love, then we deny ourselves the relationship that was meant to be. I’ve learned a lot in the past year in my walk with Him. It is with prayer, there can be healing in words through forgiveness and a way to relate with other ships that can create a bonding of a relationship. 

By Faith, (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)