Fear - Letting Go of Control

 
 Fear is a habit, so is self-pity, defeat, anxiety, despair, hopelessness and resignation. You can eliminate all of these negative habits with two simple resolves," I can! and I will!" (author unknown)

It was a warm afternoon before “supper”. Supper is a country term for a city term called “Dinner”. I was on my grandmother’s farm near Hermleigh, Texas and like a typical 12 year old, I was running around the farm. There it was hidden in the grass and I almost stepped on it with my bare feet. I jumped at least 6 feet into the air and ran into the house.

“Spider!” I yelled. Now you have to understand Texas; it is true that everything is bigger in Texas. This spider appeared to be as large as a tea cup saucer. Okay, that began my fear of spiders, which later I overcame. I can now kill spiders for those ladies who are scared of spiders. However, tarantulas, like the one in Texas, are a different story. I let them live since they are an endangered species.

"Fearless" is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. ~Taylor Swift

We get behind the wheel of a car, bike, or we walk knowing we have control over our destination. Sometimes we do this without thinking of the consequences or we rationalize that nothing negative will happen to me. 

However, for some of us, we can get on an airplane and not have control of flying but know with confidence that we can get to our destination without the fear of crashing.

Fear develops in our minds and we choose our fears. We can develop them or address them. Some fears developed by a lack of understanding; some fears developed by threatening situations that can kill or hurt us. Some fears are developed by experiences.

Getting over fear is challenging and Dr. Dennis O’Grady (Psy.D) states there are five reasons that hamper change from his “Tools2Use”:

1. Fear of the unknown – the unspoken message “you will lose control”

2. Fear of failure – there is a chance to fail

3. Fear of commitment – Commitment forces us to answer tough questions

4. Fear of disapproval – Fear of rejection if others do not like the new change

5. Fear of success – fear of new demands

How do you handle fear? First, ask yourself and be truthful about where you are right now. Are you in a place that brings you to life? Are you allowing yourself to go where you want to be? Do you have the freedom and adventure for you to be who you really want to be?

There is a desire to have control in our life. We feel we must be in control in order to prevent being hurt. Sometimes, control is a positive and rewarding factor. Fear induces the need to control when something is happening in your life.

When something is out of our norm of life expectations we tend to want to control. This is a self-imposed and self-taught lie we feed upon every day. We believe we must be in control in order for our lives to be the way we desire and that implies we know what exactly is good and what is not good.

Control is important to us because we do not trust on the reliance of God that it will turn out just fine. Therefore, we must understand we cannot direct our steps (Jeremiah 10:23). We must look to the wisdom and counsel of the One (Proverbs 19:20-21) and allows his light in (Proverbs 20:27) in order for Him to make our paths straight (Proverbs 3:6).

Let go of trying to control things because you are in fear.  Sit back and have confidence that things will eventually work out if you let the control belong to the Creator and not yourself. It is a constant battle in not wanting to be in control when you enter into unknown realms of inexperience. If you feel the need to control, then prayer is the control of releasing life into the Creator.

When we are on our mountains of life where nothing seems to change, it appears as everything is okay and we feel so close to our creator. It is okay to be on the mountain tops as long as you remember to keep forging your attitude in him by shaping your attitude in trust and not wallowing in fear of the unknown.

By Faith, 

Boot Camp – Building Your Faith

“No need to panic… Because God will be right there with, you; He’ll keep you safe and sound.” Proverbs 3:26

“Okay you watermelon heads lineup” said the voice in the dark, “and no coats”!

It was mid-January 1992 and I knew what was coming. It was another drill to see if we could follow directions. We lined up in formation and it was snowing. My breath seems to freeze in mid-air. It was like a cartoon scene where my breath seemed to fall to the ground. My toes were getting cold, my arms and face started to freeze. What seemed like 30 minutes were only two minutes; then the voice again, “Okay you sissies go back and get your coats and you have one minute to get back into formation, otherwise you will have to do 20 push-ups.”

We ran inside. We were not quick enough and that was a given. It was chow time and bacon, eggs and a hot cup of coffee was calling my name. “You think you’re smarter than your drill-sergeant?” echoed his voice in the freezing dark morning. “No drill-sergeant” we corresponded back in unison. “That’s not good enough privates, now get down and give me 20 push-ups and we don’t have all day.”

I dreaded that moment. We were on fire ant hill. I was the squad leader and being the tallest I was on the end. Luckily there wasn’t any near me; but my private got it. Yes, he survived fire ant hill. We all did.

It was called fire ant hill because in South Carolina at Ft Jackson, there were fire ants. I knew what they were in San Antonio. I would kick them over as a small boy and watched them sprawl all over the ground. If they got on you, you knew it. It felt like fire! Leave a chicken bone on the ant hill and the next day there was no meat left on it. It was bleached white.

We were being trained as soldiers. We had to get rid of our civilian individualistic attitudes and conform to the system.  We were trained to watch each others backs and had to build our faith into each other, in order for us to trust. We had each others lives in our hands because we had to defend ourselves against the enemy both foreign and domestic.

Fear, like in my last blog of swimming and jumping off the end of the diving board, robs us of control. We have this innate responsibility to either fight or run. What if we can’t run or fight and we stand in shock? How do we build our faith in the unknown?

Life conditions us like soldiers. One minute we are unprepared against the elements and the next we go through the fire, which tests and builds our endurance to handle the next trial that is coming down the pike. It is challenging to build faith in the things you do not see. Hard to build faith in not knowing what will happen tomorrow.

Your child lies helplessly in a hospital bed. I held my 14 month old son in my arms as he cried and they tried to put a needle in his arms, hands and then his head. It was frightening. I was scared about losing my son because he contracted a rare form of salmonella poisoning that he contracted from a restaurant that is now closed. As a parent you don’t want to see your child hurting. I love him very much.

I’ve learned through life that I can’t borrow trouble or play leap frog with the unicorn. Life was building my faith not in my self; but in a higher power. I am still learning to trust Him. There were Giants attacking me from all sides that year in 2013.

The final blow came in October 18, 2013 at 8:45 PM, when the doctor called me. It wasn’t good. I went to a specialist and it was confirmed. Cancer. He shared with me that I must have surgery within two weeks or my chance of survival would be slim in 2014. Faith took a blow. I was at the bottom of the barrel of life and the only way to look; was up. I had to Forge my Attitude In Trusting Him. Today, I am cancer free.

Military can’t develop your faith. Cancer can’t develop your faith. Losing a job and finding another one can’t develop your faith. Others can’t develop your faith for you. Therefore, how do you do it? There isn’t a cookie cutter answer.

I can offer you what helped me to build my faith. I struggled and it wasn’t easy. There were three things, which helped me. First, there was prayer. I had to learn how to pray. I prayed with the person I was in a relationship with at the time. Prayer works. I had to be specific in my prayer; be bold in my prayer and be honest in my prayer.

“Father, I am scared and do not know what to do at this moment. I trust you have a plan. I am angry because I have a life to live and …” there it was in my prayer. It wasn’t my life.

Life was breaking me to realize that it isn’t about me and life. I could have left my faith and turn against Him. However, I had to learn that my prayers had to change and take the focus off of me.

“Father, I’m running to you because I am afraid of the future, but I know you hold all things; if we delight in you. There are things I would like to accomplish in your name in order to help others to see your redemptive love. Strengthen me in this hour and help me to see what it is you want me to see, so that I can live for you. Forgive me father of my wrong choices, behaviors and selfishness and fix my eyes upon you. Help lead me out of the paths of darkness.” This prayer helped to change my attitude.

Second, I had to meditate in His word. I had to learn to marinate my mind in the words of His promises. He has pulled me through so many attacks, financial situations, and bad health. Sure others can talk about me, put me down, and choose not to have a relationship with me. My focus had to change from being on me, but shift to the Shepherd of my soul.

In order to exercise and stay in shape, I have to walk and lift weights and change the way I eat. His Word is the food; it is the everlasting bread, which sustains me. It changed my outlook to learn not to judge others or be critical and to accept those who were broken. It didn’t matter what others said to me about other people. They were wrong sometimes and I saw something in them that others didn’t see. People can change if you allow them. The only allowance comes through reading His word.

My Aunt provided me a daily devotional book. It was beneficial every morning I read it through my difficult times. Not only did I hear Him better, I saw Him through different days of my journey and realized I wasn’t alone. I had to exercise my faith by forging my attitude in trusting Him that he would deliver. I am human and my faith is still growing. You can’t just marinate in His word and expect it to work.

Like a shepherd, which leads the flock to exercise, I had to exercise His word in my actions. To quit worrying over things I had no control over. I had to let go and realize to ask Him and not take it from Him by robbing Him to work in my life by trying to do things on my own.

Christ's own apostles, who were expert in fishing, still went to the bottom of the boat and sought Christ out to calm the seas. It was a lesson I had to learn. The lesson was that I can’t fight the troubled seas alone and I had to learn to depend on Him to deliver me.

Finally, I had to embrace those people who would be pillars in my life. I am thankful for my Aunt Wanda, Aunt Mary, my grandmother who talked me through in learning to trust Him. I am thankful for two of my church friends, the only two that stuck by me, despite what others were saying against me. Thank you to Mike and Lee for seeing something good in me. I am thankful for the relationship of Kelley, who helped train my thoughts.

Christ choosing the twelve taught me a lesson to learn. He only had three men he was close to: Peter, James and John. Sometimes, we have to have those few friends we can trust and depend upon. Like Christ in the garden, there were close people in my garden of trials, my family and friends, were there to walk me through my journey.

Therefore, prayer is a powerful tool to forge your thoughts. Learn to trust in a higher power than your own. Marinate in His word daily. Walk, His talk, so that His light can shine and help you to be a witness as a survivor of the storm. Finally, surround yourself with friends who will not leave, who will encourage you, who will listen to you and provide encouragement.You are never alone in the boot camp of your faith.

How are you building your faith? Are you Forging (your) Attitude In Trusting Him?

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."
~Martin Luther King, Jr.

by faith, 

What Are You Responsbile For .....?

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Responsibility is not a superpower to vanish the wrong or a way to elevate oneself above how they feel about themselves. Responsibility according to Webster means: “Something that you should do because it is morally right or legally required.” I don’t want to go into semantics of the word responsibility. An analogy of a police officer that has a responsibility has to legally uphold the law and capture those who have broken it. Take the word responsibility and break the word into two words. Response and ability, then it will provide a new meaning and understanding. There is an ability in how we respond to others, which enables us to be responsible in regards to self-regulation.

There is some reading this blog entry and may be already concocting thoughts that I am wrong without fully reading what I am writing. Please, stop and process and really give this some thought.   There is some laziness, which has permeated throughout Christianity by believing in what men have written or have preached from their “sermon on the hill”, without processing (reading for oneself) it to the written Truth (the bible).  Yes, we all see and read and in act upon it the way we view it, but debating isn’t the way to do it and that will be reserved for future debate and do not want to distract from the true meaning of this article.

Sometimes, I am frustrated with those who express they are Christians. It is as if they take responsibility as a crown to judge or point out the injustices or idiosyncrasy in others and often to make themselves look better than where they really are. The bible isn’t to be a smoking gun, where you bang out scriptures to nail people as a crucified savior. When I confront some of them, they express, “I am only human and I make mistakes.” Some express, “read the bible it gives me the right to point out your living wrong and I am to confront you.” The flip side of the coin, because it is often out of retaliation or reaction of hurt, some express, “Christians are hypocrites and why should I become one?”

The responsibility is not pointing out the wrong in others, or to judge them by the way they are or are not living. It isn’t to compare others to ourselves or ourselves to others based upon the outward appearance, material wealth, or popularity. The responsibility is not in making things right. The responsibility is not in the apology, when things are wrong. The responsibility lies deep within the heart to nourish others, accept them for who they are and where they are at the moment in life. When responsibility is taken away, then it becomes inward of self-regulation.

If we can take a moment and sift out the way we were raised, taught, things we have read, our experiences, what do we have left to make an informed decision? It appears everything influences everything. It is like a drop of water from a faucet and then placing it into the ocean. It can be overwhelming to try to separate the drop from the ocean. Yet, somehow the drop seems to manage its way back to the faucet and the cycle repeats itself.

Very deep thinking has to take place to captivate those thoughts and make them obedient to Christ (2 Cor 10:5). What then is our ability to respond that is the responsibility to others? We are the drop from the faucet being placed into an ocean of people. It is realizing we are no different than others. What makes us different is what we allow to make us different. Water into Ice, Water into steam, salt water to drinking water or water pressurized to cut diamonds. People can become harden like ice that they are felt used. People can become angry like steam and burn those who come around. There are some willing to change to serve others like salt water made into drinking water.

What then is a human’s responsibility to others, regardless if one is or isn’t a Christian? It isn’t to point out the flaws in others. We all have a past. Reading a pathological therapist report can skew how I view that individual in how I treat them. To help an individual would evaluate first by getting to know the individual and processing their behaviors, choices and actions. Then, process how that individual is or isn’t being influenced by the environment and social realms. The ability to reason provides a response, in which then becomes my responsibility to help the individual without telling them they are wrong. Loving the individual and assisting them by walking them through a journey provides a nurturing environment to choose if they want to continue to be ice and steam or become something productive to nourishing others around them.  

When I read daily in His word, I do not see a Savior in the bible that points out sinner’s faults, but instead sees them as human beings that need to feel accepted, loved and cherished. The approach He uses is taking the eyes off themselves by His kind words and actions, and then redirects their eyes on Him. In this approach people are healed. It relinquishes the urge to feel it is my responsibility to be quick judge or to point out faults in others. Instead, I am called to evaluate myself to His actions and then to encourage and uplift others.

This is not a cookie cutter approach. It takes prayer and understanding to become responsible in the journey of your own life, as well as how you influence others around you.  I read in the bible of a woman that was caught in adultery. I read of a Savior, who bent to her eye level, wrote in the sand, and then stood up to face the accusers. Her accusers (who felt they were responsible to quickly judge and blame) left one by one, until no one was left standing.  I see a Savior that took a loving approach to help heal an individual lost in herself and made her whole again, without casting a stone of judgment (even when by law He was too).

One can be like the accusers and feel responsible to constantly throw stones or one can have an ability to respond like the Savior. It is easy to become part of a lynch mob, absorb biases of others gossips about someone else and quickly point out the faults in others. It is a lot more work to investigate the situation and form our own conclusion about the situation. True, some say we can never be like the Savior that judges hearts, but we can be the Savior that uplifts the spirits from their hurt. What will be your responsibility to mankind: A stone thrower or a bridge builder of stones to restoring bridges to healthy living?

Whether you prevail or fail, endure or die, depends more on what you do to yourself than on what the world does to you.” (Jim Collins)

By Faith (Forging Attitude in Trusting Him)