Flirting with the Deep End - When to Jump

"To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.”~Alan Watts 
 
A friend of mine in college challenged me and another mutual friend to take a swimming class with him. All three of us went and took the class. It was a nice indoor swimming pool. Mind you, I enjoy the water, but it was the deep end and jumping off the diving board that scared me the most. It was the fear of drowning because I don’t like the feeling of not being able to breathe. I also think I watched too many horror shows, which had people getting stuck into the swimming pool drain. 

There was a slight problem with the swimming class in my viewpoint; it was from September to December. Now, why would it be a problem if you were indoors swimming? We were protected from the outside elements. We just walked in from the freezing cold of the first week in December and there the coach stood waiting on us.

The coach didn’t look happy and said, “Before you jump in, I want you to do 5 laps. I want you to swim the full length of the pool; but I must warn you; the heater of the pool is out!” My mouth dropped. Yes, the temperature of the water was 56° cold.  He shared that if we did the 5 laps he would let us go early, but wants us to experience being in cold water in case we ever had to help rescue someone. 

Talk about being a human Popsicle! We stood in the shower after our swim for at least 20 minutes before the next class. Thank goodness for who ever invented the boiler for hot water. In order to receive an A in the class you had to jump off the diving board into the deep end. Now, for those of you who know me, you know my fear of heights. I want to leave you right there on the diving board with me and talk to you about faith, then reveal to you what actually happened. 

Have you ever been put into a situation and just didn’t know how to handle it? Your thoughts race through your mind. There are sleepless nights. There are some who have a loss of appetite or the other end of the spectrum called emotional eating.  We wonder about the future to come or even the outcome of the situation. You can work yourself into a frenzy and anxious moments if you are not careful. 

We are afraid of the unknown. We want to have control over situations. We want the assurance. It is how humans were built, but it doesn’t have to define us. If there have been traumatic experiences in the past and not reckoned with, then it can turn into agoraphobia. 

There is a technique I use to help children understand and sometimes adults about control. I place a $5.00 bill into my hand and close it. “Now, show me how you would get the money out of my hand” I would state to my patients. Some would try forcefully to pry open my hand. Try to peel open my fingers and dig into the palm to get to the money. Eventually they would give up seeing how it was difficult to open. “Now, aren’t you tired?” I would ask and they would reply, “Yes very tired”. Then I shared, wouldn’t it have been easier to ask for it? 

We want to have control and power over the things we do not have control over. We think it is in our grasp and can do things on our own. Often we fool ourselves into thinking we do not need anyone to help us. We can achieve it on our own. Yet, words are more powerful than muscle. 

I was in between jobs and I applied for several positions at once. It is mysterious sometimes how the Creator works in our life. On Monday, I was given three job offers; funny how things come in threes. Anyway, the first job was in the field I wanted to go into, counseling. The second job offer was a recruiter for a technical school as a recruiter. The third job was a contract position for three months with no chance of being permanently hired in. 

The first job was limited in pay, but something I desired. The second job was a lucrative offer with a six figure income, but working nights and weekends. The last job was perfect except the temporary job scared me. I could have control over the first one, but supporting the family would mean a lot of sacrifices and limited lifestyle. The second job would get bills paid off in two years, but my family would suffer. The last job didn’t have benefits, security or the hope of a future. Then, there was always the other option to keep looking. 

When there is opportunity present, it was time for deep reflection to see the purpose in all of this. Seeking advice and prayer was crucial and I only had a 24 hour response to do something. Heart pounded, sweaty palms and Oreo cookies didn’t help the situation. 

I prayed. I thought. I sought for answers. Finally, it dawned on me about the three things and how it was similar to how Christ was tempted. Scriptures taught me to test the will of the Father to see His purpose. What do you think I chose to do or did I venture out on my own for something better?

I decided to walk the faith. I wanted to test the will of the Father and see what His purpose was for me. Walking by faith was scary. However, I chose to go with the temporary job in September. Project management was an easy task for me. Organizing, collaborating, putting things into place, but the unknown was out of my control. I prayed daily to seek to understand the purpose in all of this and wondered if I made the right choice. 

December came and three months was up; but it wasn’t over. Walking on faith meant that I had to forge my attitude in trusting Him and He would see me through. Trust; isn’t easy when you cannot see the unseen or the future. Now, my outward appearance in my walk indicated to others that I was a faithful follower of Christ and my faith was strong. Yet, they didn’t know the internal struggles that I faced. I had to decide that moment I had to walk my talk. 

I was hired into a permanent position doing something different. It also allowed me to go to school and get my Master’s degree in counseling. Almost three years later after I left that job, here I am doing counseling. It leads me to many people of different walks of faith. Those walks also lead others to Christ. 

What do we fear? I looked down from the diving board knowing that I wanted an A in the class. I slowly walked out and jumped; then the splash into the deep unknown. The survival skills came to mind and the immediate response to work towards the surface of the water began.  It was a moment of triumph of swimming. 

Do you feel sometimes you are swimming in the unknown? Sometimes we have to walk that walk blindly, not knowing what is around the corner. Sometimes it is getting into the deep end and learning to let go. How did you learn to walk? Encouragement by our parents and the ability to get up and take that initial step and all we need is to tie our self with those who will encourage us to take the step of faith and depend fully on the Creator; even in the midst of a storm. 

I’ve learned He has not failed me, but brings me to a better position than I could ever be. How are you swimming?

By Faith,

Clothe Your Heart in Thanksgiving – Building your faith

“Gratitude means to recognize the good in your life, be thankful for whatever you have, some people may not even have one of those things you consider precious to you (love, family, friends etc). Each day give thanks for the gift of life. You are blessed” ― Pablo

I watched her from a distance. She was admiring some gloves and a scarf. Gently placing them down, she walked off. Finally, I caught up to her and asked how her shopping was going. “Oh, I liked those gloves and scarf, but there was no hat that I liked to go with it” she replied. The following Saturday we went shopping again in a different town. Same thing happened, but this time it was reversed; she found the hat, but no gloves or scarf to match. 

It was three weeks away from Christmas. No, she didn’t know it, but I went back to both stores and bought all three items that matched. I am not sure if she remembered what she looked at from the prior store. Therefore, I secretly wrapped them up and placed them in a box and tried my best to wrap them in Christmas wrapping paper. Carefully and methodically I placed it under the tree. 

Awakened by the children, we got up the next morning to the screams, that Santa came. Wiping the sleep from my eyes, I proceeded to the living room. The children were asking if they could open the presents. A glance in both of our directions, we smiled and nodded, yes. The excitement was there with bright smiling faces. 

She looked at me and asked, “What is this”? We weren’t supposed to do anything for each other that Christmas and we were to get gifts only for the children and to help an unfortunate family that year. “Open it” I replied. She carefully opened the package and a big grin began to form. “How did you know?” she questioned. 

The Father knows what we need in our life before we even begin to look or think of things we want in our life. Life is a gift. Full of surprises and twists and turns; we wait sometimes in anticipation knowing what is coming, or we wait in silence or worry. 

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect upon this nation’s blessings of food and friendship. Every day should be a reflection of thanksgiving, regardless of the fates we suffer. Either we can see a glass half full or half empty, but we can still be thankful we have a glass. 

Enter His gates with thanksgiving; go into His courts with praise.  Give thanks to Him and praise His name. -Ps 100:4 NLT

There is a blessing in being thankful: not only in the good times, but even in the bad situations we are put in. You may not feel like being thankful for the hand you were dealt, and I wasn’t at one point in time. Yet, I am still growing and learning to be thankful in all things. When given a hard blow in life (divorce/death) you begin to learn to appreciate the small gestures someone does for you.

You begin to lose sight in being thankful if we stop praying or if we focus on the tragedies or problematic situations we are in. I had to learn that rainbows are made through rain when the sunlight hits it. My tears had to be brought to His light in order for there to be a rainbow of promises that he is working on me and developing me into something better than what I could do for myself. 

There is a positive impact on others when our life is shown in gratitude. Dr. Dyer expressed, “With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” In my own research, I have found through other scientific studies, that when you write down at least three things you are thankful for 21 days, you sleep better, become happier and more optimistic. 

Look for the little things in the good and bad and become thankful for them. They become the cornerstones and pillars to lean on when the storm hits. It builds your faith in knowing that while you were looking for a gift, He has His own gift in mind far greater than what you can pick out. 

Clothing can keep you, your hands, neck and head warm, but it is being thankful in all things which keeps your heart warm. Do you have your attitude on His anvil? Yes, being banged up and being shaped is no fun, when your heart is cold. Having a warm and heated heart due to being thankful, shapes you into something more than you can ever imagine. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

By Faith, 

Boot Camp – Building Your Faith

“No need to panic… Because God will be right there with, you; He’ll keep you safe and sound.” Proverbs 3:26

“Okay you watermelon heads lineup” said the voice in the dark, “and no coats”!

It was mid-January 1992 and I knew what was coming. It was another drill to see if we could follow directions. We lined up in formation and it was snowing. My breath seems to freeze in mid-air. It was like a cartoon scene where my breath seemed to fall to the ground. My toes were getting cold, my arms and face started to freeze. What seemed like 30 minutes were only two minutes; then the voice again, “Okay you sissies go back and get your coats and you have one minute to get back into formation, otherwise you will have to do 20 push-ups.”

We ran inside. We were not quick enough and that was a given. It was chow time and bacon, eggs and a hot cup of coffee was calling my name. “You think you’re smarter than your drill-sergeant?” echoed his voice in the freezing dark morning. “No drill-sergeant” we corresponded back in unison. “That’s not good enough privates, now get down and give me 20 push-ups and we don’t have all day.”

I dreaded that moment. We were on fire ant hill. I was the squad leader and being the tallest I was on the end. Luckily there wasn’t any near me; but my private got it. Yes, he survived fire ant hill. We all did.

It was called fire ant hill because in South Carolina at Ft Jackson, there were fire ants. I knew what they were in San Antonio. I would kick them over as a small boy and watched them sprawl all over the ground. If they got on you, you knew it. It felt like fire! Leave a chicken bone on the ant hill and the next day there was no meat left on it. It was bleached white.

We were being trained as soldiers. We had to get rid of our civilian individualistic attitudes and conform to the system.  We were trained to watch each others backs and had to build our faith into each other, in order for us to trust. We had each others lives in our hands because we had to defend ourselves against the enemy both foreign and domestic.

Fear, like in my last blog of swimming and jumping off the end of the diving board, robs us of control. We have this innate responsibility to either fight or run. What if we can’t run or fight and we stand in shock? How do we build our faith in the unknown?

Life conditions us like soldiers. One minute we are unprepared against the elements and the next we go through the fire, which tests and builds our endurance to handle the next trial that is coming down the pike. It is challenging to build faith in the things you do not see. Hard to build faith in not knowing what will happen tomorrow.

Your child lies helplessly in a hospital bed. I held my 14 month old son in my arms as he cried and they tried to put a needle in his arms, hands and then his head. It was frightening. I was scared about losing my son because he contracted a rare form of salmonella poisoning that he contracted from a restaurant that is now closed. As a parent you don’t want to see your child hurting. I love him very much.

I’ve learned through life that I can’t borrow trouble or play leap frog with the unicorn. Life was building my faith not in my self; but in a higher power. I am still learning to trust Him. There were Giants attacking me from all sides that year in 2013.

The final blow came in October 18, 2013 at 8:45 PM, when the doctor called me. It wasn’t good. I went to a specialist and it was confirmed. Cancer. He shared with me that I must have surgery within two weeks or my chance of survival would be slim in 2014. Faith took a blow. I was at the bottom of the barrel of life and the only way to look; was up. I had to Forge my Attitude In Trusting Him. Today, I am cancer free.

Military can’t develop your faith. Cancer can’t develop your faith. Losing a job and finding another one can’t develop your faith. Others can’t develop your faith for you. Therefore, how do you do it? There isn’t a cookie cutter answer.

I can offer you what helped me to build my faith. I struggled and it wasn’t easy. There were three things, which helped me. First, there was prayer. I had to learn how to pray. I prayed with the person I was in a relationship with at the time. Prayer works. I had to be specific in my prayer; be bold in my prayer and be honest in my prayer.

“Father, I am scared and do not know what to do at this moment. I trust you have a plan. I am angry because I have a life to live and …” there it was in my prayer. It wasn’t my life.

Life was breaking me to realize that it isn’t about me and life. I could have left my faith and turn against Him. However, I had to learn that my prayers had to change and take the focus off of me.

“Father, I’m running to you because I am afraid of the future, but I know you hold all things; if we delight in you. There are things I would like to accomplish in your name in order to help others to see your redemptive love. Strengthen me in this hour and help me to see what it is you want me to see, so that I can live for you. Forgive me father of my wrong choices, behaviors and selfishness and fix my eyes upon you. Help lead me out of the paths of darkness.” This prayer helped to change my attitude.

Second, I had to meditate in His word. I had to learn to marinate my mind in the words of His promises. He has pulled me through so many attacks, financial situations, and bad health. Sure others can talk about me, put me down, and choose not to have a relationship with me. My focus had to change from being on me, but shift to the Shepherd of my soul.

In order to exercise and stay in shape, I have to walk and lift weights and change the way I eat. His Word is the food; it is the everlasting bread, which sustains me. It changed my outlook to learn not to judge others or be critical and to accept those who were broken. It didn’t matter what others said to me about other people. They were wrong sometimes and I saw something in them that others didn’t see. People can change if you allow them. The only allowance comes through reading His word.

My Aunt provided me a daily devotional book. It was beneficial every morning I read it through my difficult times. Not only did I hear Him better, I saw Him through different days of my journey and realized I wasn’t alone. I had to exercise my faith by forging my attitude in trusting Him that he would deliver. I am human and my faith is still growing. You can’t just marinate in His word and expect it to work.

Like a shepherd, which leads the flock to exercise, I had to exercise His word in my actions. To quit worrying over things I had no control over. I had to let go and realize to ask Him and not take it from Him by robbing Him to work in my life by trying to do things on my own.

Christ's own apostles, who were expert in fishing, still went to the bottom of the boat and sought Christ out to calm the seas. It was a lesson I had to learn. The lesson was that I can’t fight the troubled seas alone and I had to learn to depend on Him to deliver me.

Finally, I had to embrace those people who would be pillars in my life. I am thankful for my Aunt Wanda, Aunt Mary, my grandmother who talked me through in learning to trust Him. I am thankful for two of my church friends, the only two that stuck by me, despite what others were saying against me. Thank you to Mike and Lee for seeing something good in me. I am thankful for the relationship of Kelley, who helped train my thoughts.

Christ choosing the twelve taught me a lesson to learn. He only had three men he was close to: Peter, James and John. Sometimes, we have to have those few friends we can trust and depend upon. Like Christ in the garden, there were close people in my garden of trials, my family and friends, were there to walk me through my journey.

Therefore, prayer is a powerful tool to forge your thoughts. Learn to trust in a higher power than your own. Marinate in His word daily. Walk, His talk, so that His light can shine and help you to be a witness as a survivor of the storm. Finally, surround yourself with friends who will not leave, who will encourage you, who will listen to you and provide encouragement.You are never alone in the boot camp of your faith.

How are you building your faith? Are you Forging (your) Attitude In Trusting Him?

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."
~Martin Luther King, Jr.

by faith,