Fear - Letting Go of Control

 
 Fear is a habit, so is self-pity, defeat, anxiety, despair, hopelessness and resignation. You can eliminate all of these negative habits with two simple resolves," I can! and I will!" (author unknown)

It was a warm afternoon before “supper”. Supper is a country term for a city term called “Dinner”. I was on my grandmother’s farm near Hermleigh, Texas and like a typical 12 year old, I was running around the farm. There it was hidden in the grass and I almost stepped on it with my bare feet. I jumped at least 6 feet into the air and ran into the house.

“Spider!” I yelled. Now you have to understand Texas; it is true that everything is bigger in Texas. This spider appeared to be as large as a tea cup saucer. Okay, that began my fear of spiders, which later I overcame. I can now kill spiders for those ladies who are scared of spiders. However, tarantulas, like the one in Texas, are a different story. I let them live since they are an endangered species.

"Fearless" is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. ~Taylor Swift

We get behind the wheel of a car, bike, or we walk knowing we have control over our destination. Sometimes we do this without thinking of the consequences or we rationalize that nothing negative will happen to me. 

However, for some of us, we can get on an airplane and not have control of flying but know with confidence that we can get to our destination without the fear of crashing.

Fear develops in our minds and we choose our fears. We can develop them or address them. Some fears developed by a lack of understanding; some fears developed by threatening situations that can kill or hurt us. Some fears are developed by experiences.

Getting over fear is challenging and Dr. Dennis O’Grady (Psy.D) states there are five reasons that hamper change from his “Tools2Use”:

1. Fear of the unknown – the unspoken message “you will lose control”

2. Fear of failure – there is a chance to fail

3. Fear of commitment – Commitment forces us to answer tough questions

4. Fear of disapproval – Fear of rejection if others do not like the new change

5. Fear of success – fear of new demands

How do you handle fear? First, ask yourself and be truthful about where you are right now. Are you in a place that brings you to life? Are you allowing yourself to go where you want to be? Do you have the freedom and adventure for you to be who you really want to be?

There is a desire to have control in our life. We feel we must be in control in order to prevent being hurt. Sometimes, control is a positive and rewarding factor. Fear induces the need to control when something is happening in your life.

When something is out of our norm of life expectations we tend to want to control. This is a self-imposed and self-taught lie we feed upon every day. We believe we must be in control in order for our lives to be the way we desire and that implies we know what exactly is good and what is not good.

Control is important to us because we do not trust on the reliance of God that it will turn out just fine. Therefore, we must understand we cannot direct our steps (Jeremiah 10:23). We must look to the wisdom and counsel of the One (Proverbs 19:20-21) and allows his light in (Proverbs 20:27) in order for Him to make our paths straight (Proverbs 3:6).

Let go of trying to control things because you are in fear.  Sit back and have confidence that things will eventually work out if you let the control belong to the Creator and not yourself. It is a constant battle in not wanting to be in control when you enter into unknown realms of inexperience. If you feel the need to control, then prayer is the control of releasing life into the Creator.

When we are on our mountains of life where nothing seems to change, it appears as everything is okay and we feel so close to our creator. It is okay to be on the mountain tops as long as you remember to keep forging your attitude in him by shaping your attitude in trust and not wallowing in fear of the unknown.

By Faith, 

Boot Camp – Building Your Faith

“No need to panic… Because God will be right there with, you; He’ll keep you safe and sound.” Proverbs 3:26

“Okay you watermelon heads lineup” said the voice in the dark, “and no coats”!

It was mid-January 1992 and I knew what was coming. It was another drill to see if we could follow directions. We lined up in formation and it was snowing. My breath seems to freeze in mid-air. It was like a cartoon scene where my breath seemed to fall to the ground. My toes were getting cold, my arms and face started to freeze. What seemed like 30 minutes were only two minutes; then the voice again, “Okay you sissies go back and get your coats and you have one minute to get back into formation, otherwise you will have to do 20 push-ups.”

We ran inside. We were not quick enough and that was a given. It was chow time and bacon, eggs and a hot cup of coffee was calling my name. “You think you’re smarter than your drill-sergeant?” echoed his voice in the freezing dark morning. “No drill-sergeant” we corresponded back in unison. “That’s not good enough privates, now get down and give me 20 push-ups and we don’t have all day.”

I dreaded that moment. We were on fire ant hill. I was the squad leader and being the tallest I was on the end. Luckily there wasn’t any near me; but my private got it. Yes, he survived fire ant hill. We all did.

It was called fire ant hill because in South Carolina at Ft Jackson, there were fire ants. I knew what they were in San Antonio. I would kick them over as a small boy and watched them sprawl all over the ground. If they got on you, you knew it. It felt like fire! Leave a chicken bone on the ant hill and the next day there was no meat left on it. It was bleached white.

We were being trained as soldiers. We had to get rid of our civilian individualistic attitudes and conform to the system.  We were trained to watch each others backs and had to build our faith into each other, in order for us to trust. We had each others lives in our hands because we had to defend ourselves against the enemy both foreign and domestic.

Fear, like in my last blog of swimming and jumping off the end of the diving board, robs us of control. We have this innate responsibility to either fight or run. What if we can’t run or fight and we stand in shock? How do we build our faith in the unknown?

Life conditions us like soldiers. One minute we are unprepared against the elements and the next we go through the fire, which tests and builds our endurance to handle the next trial that is coming down the pike. It is challenging to build faith in the things you do not see. Hard to build faith in not knowing what will happen tomorrow.

Your child lies helplessly in a hospital bed. I held my 14 month old son in my arms as he cried and they tried to put a needle in his arms, hands and then his head. It was frightening. I was scared about losing my son because he contracted a rare form of salmonella poisoning that he contracted from a restaurant that is now closed. As a parent you don’t want to see your child hurting. I love him very much.

I’ve learned through life that I can’t borrow trouble or play leap frog with the unicorn. Life was building my faith not in my self; but in a higher power. I am still learning to trust Him. There were Giants attacking me from all sides that year in 2013.

The final blow came in October 18, 2013 at 8:45 PM, when the doctor called me. It wasn’t good. I went to a specialist and it was confirmed. Cancer. He shared with me that I must have surgery within two weeks or my chance of survival would be slim in 2014. Faith took a blow. I was at the bottom of the barrel of life and the only way to look; was up. I had to Forge my Attitude In Trusting Him. Today, I am cancer free.

Military can’t develop your faith. Cancer can’t develop your faith. Losing a job and finding another one can’t develop your faith. Others can’t develop your faith for you. Therefore, how do you do it? There isn’t a cookie cutter answer.

I can offer you what helped me to build my faith. I struggled and it wasn’t easy. There were three things, which helped me. First, there was prayer. I had to learn how to pray. I prayed with the person I was in a relationship with at the time. Prayer works. I had to be specific in my prayer; be bold in my prayer and be honest in my prayer.

“Father, I am scared and do not know what to do at this moment. I trust you have a plan. I am angry because I have a life to live and …” there it was in my prayer. It wasn’t my life.

Life was breaking me to realize that it isn’t about me and life. I could have left my faith and turn against Him. However, I had to learn that my prayers had to change and take the focus off of me.

“Father, I’m running to you because I am afraid of the future, but I know you hold all things; if we delight in you. There are things I would like to accomplish in your name in order to help others to see your redemptive love. Strengthen me in this hour and help me to see what it is you want me to see, so that I can live for you. Forgive me father of my wrong choices, behaviors and selfishness and fix my eyes upon you. Help lead me out of the paths of darkness.” This prayer helped to change my attitude.

Second, I had to meditate in His word. I had to learn to marinate my mind in the words of His promises. He has pulled me through so many attacks, financial situations, and bad health. Sure others can talk about me, put me down, and choose not to have a relationship with me. My focus had to change from being on me, but shift to the Shepherd of my soul.

In order to exercise and stay in shape, I have to walk and lift weights and change the way I eat. His Word is the food; it is the everlasting bread, which sustains me. It changed my outlook to learn not to judge others or be critical and to accept those who were broken. It didn’t matter what others said to me about other people. They were wrong sometimes and I saw something in them that others didn’t see. People can change if you allow them. The only allowance comes through reading His word.

My Aunt provided me a daily devotional book. It was beneficial every morning I read it through my difficult times. Not only did I hear Him better, I saw Him through different days of my journey and realized I wasn’t alone. I had to exercise my faith by forging my attitude in trusting Him that he would deliver. I am human and my faith is still growing. You can’t just marinate in His word and expect it to work.

Like a shepherd, which leads the flock to exercise, I had to exercise His word in my actions. To quit worrying over things I had no control over. I had to let go and realize to ask Him and not take it from Him by robbing Him to work in my life by trying to do things on my own.

Christ's own apostles, who were expert in fishing, still went to the bottom of the boat and sought Christ out to calm the seas. It was a lesson I had to learn. The lesson was that I can’t fight the troubled seas alone and I had to learn to depend on Him to deliver me.

Finally, I had to embrace those people who would be pillars in my life. I am thankful for my Aunt Wanda, Aunt Mary, my grandmother who talked me through in learning to trust Him. I am thankful for two of my church friends, the only two that stuck by me, despite what others were saying against me. Thank you to Mike and Lee for seeing something good in me. I am thankful for the relationship of Kelley, who helped train my thoughts.

Christ choosing the twelve taught me a lesson to learn. He only had three men he was close to: Peter, James and John. Sometimes, we have to have those few friends we can trust and depend upon. Like Christ in the garden, there were close people in my garden of trials, my family and friends, were there to walk me through my journey.

Therefore, prayer is a powerful tool to forge your thoughts. Learn to trust in a higher power than your own. Marinate in His word daily. Walk, His talk, so that His light can shine and help you to be a witness as a survivor of the storm. Finally, surround yourself with friends who will not leave, who will encourage you, who will listen to you and provide encouragement.You are never alone in the boot camp of your faith.

How are you building your faith? Are you Forging (your) Attitude In Trusting Him?

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."
~Martin Luther King, Jr.

by faith, 

Picking Up the Pieces to Peace

God built lighthouses to see people through storms. Then he built storms to remind people to find lighthouses.” ― Shannon L. Alder

Turn off the Television, turn off any music and shut off any noise and try to find your quiet place just for a moment. Is your mind still racing with thoughts about yesterday?  Do you feel you have a mini Niagara Falls running through your mind or is your day beginning and you’re thinking about today? 

Does it seem to you that sometimes when you lie down and try to sleep; it might be the only time you find peace? However, like a constant dripping faucet, I can imagine there are those dripping thoughts going through your mind and then, another restless night. You try to find the pieces to put together to get peace, but it doesn’t seem quite fit the puzzle.

Being over stimulated is one cause of stress. It is crucial to find a moment in a day to have a peaceful self-time out. Okay, you can laugh at me; but I find it very relaxing. Last night, I lit candles, put some stress away bubbles in the Jacuzzi tub, soft music and a glass of red wine and relaxed. I know I am a guy, but I find solitude sometimes can be relaxing.  Okay, before some of you judge me on my drinking, just note that I have never been drunk; or tipsy. 

Constant noises of music, television, cars, lawn mowers, people on telephones, conversations, and when do you have time to stop and read? Schedules can become hectic, when there is no organization or you are over booking yourself. Maybe you have a hectic schedule: waking up, getting ready for work, get the children up for school, make them lunches, drive to work, work, drive home, eat, basketball practice, homework, get ready for tomorrow, get kids to bed, relax for 5 minutes, get ready for bed and then try to sleep all to prepare for another day just like it. 

Take time and think about what occupies your thoughts on most days. This verse, Psalms 139:1-24 has helped me and it made me realize, I am not alone in this life. He is constantly with me in all my thoughts. Changing my thinking allowed my life to get better by understanding it is the self-talk dialogue, which tells you about life’s situations. 

Any constant noise can be like fog to your mind that clouds your thinking. The voice in your mind that talks to you can makes things worse. It may be a small problem and you think about it for a while and it seems to be a bigger problem. Your mind begins to play tricks and allows you to second guess yourself by telling you that you might be wrong in the choice you may choose. The imagination if fed with feelings and thoughts creates into a bad situation and the problem stems from a mild situation to what you feel is a major cataclysm and you imagine the situation to be the real situation. 

For now, if you were to take action, it may be going to be blown out of proportion to the unprecedented problem. If you step back and realize that the normal reaction would have been small emotional distress. I have been laid off from a job and had feelings of frustration and worry and these are considered normal. However, my inner voice, if I allowed it, could have easily made it into a worse exaggerating situation of thinking that “I will never find a job” or “no one will hire me.” Then the added stress of the bills, possibility of losing everything can begin a dialogue, which could have resulted in an overreaction of just giving up. 

Picking the pieces to Peace is discovering you have to change your thoughts and attitude by changing your inner dialogue you have with yourself.  Set up a filter in your mind to alert yourself to being responsive to what you are saying in your dialogue to yourself about the situation. It is easy to shift blame and say, “why is this happening to me?” or “Who is doing this to me?” Focusing on the external origin of the problem does not help to remain calm and think things through. 

Instead, begin to quiet your mind and reflect on your thoughts about what you believe and value within yourself. If negative thoughts come, then captivate them and make them obedient to the truth. You can get through this and this problem can be dealt with in a healthy manner. Others can be critical and harsh about the situation and you have to weigh carefully what they are expressing.
 

How you think and reflect about yourself can determine if you become the victim or become a victor. If you start to believe in negative judgments then you may fall prey to being the victim of your own circumstances. How you can pick pieces to finding peace will be challenging when unwarranted negative criticisms are made. 

Like in English class, you broke apart a sentences into verbs, nouns, adjectives etc.. and now you have to do the same with your thoughts. Find some quiet time to reflect without the noise.  Once you have reflected then write out the situation, your thoughts and feelings and put a plan into place in order for you to move forward and measure your progress. How do you get rid of an Elephant? One bite at a time. 

“Feelings are something you have; not something you are.” ― Shannon L. Alder

I found using the following to help me to pick up the pieces and finding inner PEACE:

1. Believe you are loved. I had to understand the truth about me that believing I am loved stemmed from knowing who I am. Not judging myself for prior mistakes or others, but daily reading the bible and meditating provided me the feeling of unconditional love from the Creator. 
2. I had to control my thinking by monitoring my thoughts and putting them to the truth test. Did my thoughts exist from primarily being fear-based or judgmental attitude? I had to challenge my thinking and shape my beliefs about myself and recognize some of my thoughts stemmed from faulty thinking. Your mind or thoughts can be reflective of the way you feel.
3. Accepting daily life for what it is. There is a lot of negative feedback in this world and we have to learn to have inner peace. I had to learn I am the only one that has control over my thoughts, actions and attitude. I can’t control other people and take blame for what they have done.

Picking up the pieces in order to find peace stems from the changes you decide to make inside of you. Either you can expressively panic and cause chaos around you, or learn to calm your thoughts down and deal with the piece one at a time until the peace begins to fit into the thoughts and feelings. Don’t regret your past and don’t fear the future, but live in the present to restore your inner peace by believing you are loved, letting go of control of things you have no control over and accept the life as it presents itself.

 
It is by F(orging) A(ttitude) I(n) T(rusting) H(im) that you can have peace wielded into your life.