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Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Do you have the racoon syndrome?



“It's strange indeed how memories can lie dormant in a man's mind for so many years. Yet those  memories can be awakened and brought forth fresh and new, just by something you've seen, or something you've heard, or the sight of an old familiar face.” ~ Wilson Rawls, Where the Red Fern Grows


While growing up there was a favorite book as a child I would like to read; entitled, “Where the Red Fern Grows.” It is about a young boy, named Billy and his two coon dogs “Old Dan & Little Ann”.  Billy became excited to go hunting with his two new coon dogs and sought advice from his grandfather on how to trap a coon. His grandfather taught him an old trick by using a bit and a brace. 

The coon would slide his hand inside the brace in order to pick up something reflective (like a piece of metal).  The coon would clasp his fist around the metal and would not let go as it tried to pull it out of the brace. The coon was relentless on not letting it go, therefore causing itself to be snared. 

Sometimes as humans we are similar to the raccoon. We want to hold onto what seems “attractive” and later on it seems to plague us. In my own correspondence with others, I have come to a conclusion, even within my own journey in life, that humans have a tendency to hold onto things, which are not healthy. 

I am not writing about a physical disorder called, “hording”.  A Hording Disorder is someone who never throws anything away because there is some attachment to the object. Things collect and can become a health risk. To them it is something with meaning and to the outsiders, it is seems as useless trash. 

The mind is similar to hording and it can become an unhealthy mind. This is what I would like to refer to as, “mind hording” of specific events, words, actions, guilt, shame, remorse, feelings, trauma to which becomes unhealthy attachments into the mind.  At times it is very difficult to accept or embrace the changes we encounter or the fear of encountering. It takes a lot of strength and energy to hold onto something and not letting it go. We lose time and quality relationships by holding onto what are not productive situations. 

In my personal experience, I conveyed a thought and I did not know the effect of my communication to an ex-spouse, until three years later. It was revealed to me in a discussion, which turned into an argument, that she harbored the words and the statement for years and did not talk to me about the hurt she felt. When I conveyed my statement in a different way, it made sense to her and she relinquished the ill feelings she had harbored for so long. The thoughts that were held for those three years affected the attitudes in both of us. 

Letting go is a very difficult challenge. It is like a raccoon becoming snared in the box because it wants the shiny object and with a closed fist, it can’t pull its hand out of the snare. Often we can find ourselves trapped in relationships because we fear the unknown. Often we want to hold onto what hurts us as a self-defense mechanism to keep others at bay. Words, events, actions of others can be like shiny objects; never wanting to let go of the familiar. When we embrace change, accept what could or may not happen, then only then will we be strengthened by understanding it takes letting go of the emotional attachments. 

There is an option to take to free oneself of the destructive thoughts, grudges, resentments, so that it isn’t manifested through attitudes, which are projected onto others. I feel there are two keys to a better sense of a healthy mind.  It is something I learned after years of holding onto resentment of loved ones, which stemmed from my childhood and teen-age years. I had to let go through forgiveness. It improved the relationship and it allowed me to be free and through attitude, too see them in a different perspective, which allows me to be happier. 

First key is forgiving. It does not mean to erase your past or to forget. It doesn’t mean the other person will change their behavior, but it means you are letting go and clearing the mind to allow positive thoughts to flow. The second key is communicating. Communicate with your self, by thinking through things clearly and then communicating with the other person your thoughts and feelings. 

Figure out how you could have been partially responsible for what occurred. Could it have been prevented and can it be in the future? It isn’t accepting all the blame or taking responsibility from the other person; it is a mind process to allow positive thinking instead of negative thinking. This process allows one to realize we are not a victim, but a participant in life, which can help make one a victor. 

Letting go means you cannot control the actions of others; only you have control over your thoughts and actions. Letting go means to quit reliving the hurt by rehashing past events and languishing over the “could have”, the “only –if”, and the “should have” events. There is a power to move on, but it takes exercise of the mind to the will of forgiveness. 

It is easy to say let go. I know I have heard it all my life and sometimes resented others for telling me to let go. The realization which helped was not in the words itself of letting go, but the confusion of how to let go. It was unfamiliar territory for me. Having been taught on how to hold onto things because of sentimental value or wanting to hold onto things because of past memories was easier (familiar). 

Instead, these things were tearing me up and being projected onto others. I had to understand, there can be miss communication at times. I had to learn how to exercise of letting go. I had to think of all my problems and realize I needed to change. I thought about the pros and cons of how it affected the relationships, the pain the problems caused, are my thoughts stopping me from pursuing what I wanted.  Then I had to look at communicating my thoughts because they were sometimes wrong in my perceptions and had to make amends and then forgiving myself and others.

Letting go means you recognize the pain and it will take time to heal. There has to be commitment to change. Step outside of the comfort and the blanket of the familiarity and learn to walk on your own without the crutch of excuses and blame. Take control of your destiny by making healthy thoughtful choices that will allow you to be free from the pain of the past.

The mind can be a prison, which enables you to be bitter and see life as a pain. Instead, the keys of communication and forgiveness can open the prison and enable you to see life in a positive view of overcoming, even in the bleakest of times. Hold onto precious memories like Billy in the Where the Red Fern Grows and not on events which cause more pain. It is letting go of the familiar and walking in the uncharted territory and accepting the good and the bad, which allows you to let go to see a world of Hope.

By faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)

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