Tornadic Changes of Life -- How to Embrace: Change

The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails. —William Arthur Ward

It is in the air. Soft cool warm breeze and the sun shining its warmth, like a virtual blanket making you feel safe. Flowers and trees are blooming. The earth dawns its wonderful colorful robe and shedding the deadness of slumber. Spring is here. There are signs buzzing around you to awaken you to a new day. It is a renewal of the spirit to enjoy something new. It plays back to my memories of running through the fields of Texas in the bluebonnets. Spring is the hope that says life does exist and it’s time for a refreshing change from being drift asleep under the blankets of white snow. 

All highways were blocked today.  I had to divert my way through city streets and housing to stay on track for my appointment. I had to see my patient and his family by 5pm for their family therapy session. A major storm was coming. Lightening was striking above me and rain drops started to fall around me. It occurred to me that although the storm was causing me to divert from my normal routine and for me to make it on time, I had to change.

Arriving to the office it was down pouring. My cell phone was going off with storm related texts to take cover, like I hit the lotto. It could have been an anxious moment, but I was focused on task in meeting with the family. Therapy started on time, even though there were many changes that had to be made. During therapy the tornado sirens were going off and other patients were in the hallways as we sat in the office. Occasionally, we monitored the radar on the computer screen and we continued with therapy. 

Change can be scary. However, you change your clothes, your shoes, your purses, your looks and even diapers. Granted changing diapers can be scary because you never know if it will be a smelly blow out. I’ve changed a few of those diapers when my children were babies. You may have anxiety because of the idea of change. You may have anxiety because you are forced to change due to death or even by destruction of weather events. 

There are some who want to change their habits. Some will go to the extent of losing weight. Great! However, they desire the comfort food of soft drinks, cakes and they say they eat in moderation. However, they slowly gain the weight back due to lack of exercise and the resistance to change. Then they are unhappy with how they look and repeat the cycle of losing weight again. They ask for people to help them, but without the change in what they put inside them, it will not help change the overall appearance. Low self-esteem kicks in and it affects those around them. People who truly care about them are pushed away as the ones who are critical and judgmental. 

Helping others to change does not work unless the one receiving the help is willing to change. It starts with an open mind. Change moves us outside our comfort box. There are some of you reading this message and understand of holding onto the familiarity and resist change because it strengthens the soul and mind. The thought of exercise may associate with the aches and pains and therefore we become resistant because it is the path to least resistance. 

We are unable to control every characteristic of our lives and change, like the four seasons, cannot be stopped from happening. We embrace spring, summer, fall and sometimes winter, but it is how we respond to change that will significantly influence our overall experiences in our life. 

In the bible (Genesis 17) there is a story about Abraham and Sarah. God promised them a son (Isaac) would be born to them. “Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing”. Abraham and Sarah were both resistant to change. Abraham laughed at the change, but Sarah laughed and lied that she laughed about it. God’s promises were steadfast and they had their son. Change was made and because their acceptance to change, thousands of years later our Savior of the world was born. 

A change in cars, houses, relationships, jobs and our personal self, can help or hurt us. How can we accept change? It’s easy to “change” a dollar bill into four quarters, but change in our life can be challenging. Change does result in an exercise of the mind. It is work. 

First, do not be complacent and not wanting to change because you are custom to the familiarity. When you are resistant to change then suffering occurs to what is already happening in your life. Instead of manipulating the situation and praying things would be different, go with the flow and adapt to the change. 

Second, do mediation and self-reflect. Prayer helps prepare you for the changes already taking place in your life. Write down the pros and cons. Evaluate and seek out the truth if the change you are experiencing can be an easy transition or write out a plan to learn how to go around those obstacles you are facing. 

Finally, stay focused on the final outcome. A major event was taking place that could have hindered me, caused anxiety, but I remained focused. In the gospels there was a paralytic man at the Pool of Bethsaida. He was there 30 plus years waiting to be healed. Yet, he was the only man out of all the miracles that Jesus asked, “Do you want to be healed.” Sometimes we need to be asked that question. Jesus knew the answer, but sometimes we have to be awakened to reality of yes, I want to be healed. He lost focus as to his purpose and intent. Sure, there were changes happening all around him and he became complacent. 

Change is never easy because we don’t want to do things that are different from “normal”. I always say there is nothing normal except the setting on the dryer. The primary key to accepting and going through any type of change is through prayer.

Prayer allows the ability to express your thoughts and praying to the Creator to allow doors of opportunities to happen or to help you in the changes, which are already taking place in your life. The only way to improve your life is to force yourself to undergo the challenge to do things differently than what you are accustomed to. Change promotes growth. 

Many times, the only way to improve our lives is to force ourselves to undergo difficult change. Develop the courage to endure the change because it increases your knowledge and then you gain wisdom through the experience. Reflect back through the time of change to make sure you’re not developing unhealthy patterns through poor relationships. It appears when one is accustomed to being in a nonfunctional relationship to remain in it because it is the “norm”. You become the paralytic in the situation even though you want to make the change. 

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” – Mary Anne Radmacher

Make the change and develop a healthy pattern of creating better self-esteem. Unwrap yourself from the “wintery” cocoon.  Embrace yourself through your struggle as you emerge and “spring” forth with energy by embracing the change. Never “fall” back to old unhealthy patterns. Soon, like “summer”, you can enjoy the sunshine of surviving your change. Wisdom grows by making the change by accepting the four seasons of your life.  Stay focused and don’t let the storms frighten you, while you adapt to overcoming the obstacles that may challenge your thinking. 

By Faith change is “F” orging  “A”ttitude “I”n “T”rusting “H”im. 

Do you have the racoon syndrome?

“It's strange indeed how memories can lie dormant in a man's mind for so many years. Yet those  memories can be awakened and brought forth fresh and new, just by something you've seen, or something you've heard, or the sight of an old familiar face.” ~ Wilson Rawls, Where the Red Fern Grows

While growing up there was a favorite book as a child I would like to read; entitled, “Where the Red Fern Grows.” It is about a young boy, named Billy and his two coon dogs “Old Dan & Little Ann”.  Billy became excited to go hunting with his two new coon dogs and sought advice from his grandfather on how to trap a coon. His grandfather taught him an old trick by using a bit and a brace. 

The coon would slide his hand inside the brace in order to pick up something reflective (like a piece of metal).  The coon would clasp his fist around the metal and would not let go as it tried to pull it out of the brace. The coon was relentless on not letting it go, therefore causing itself to be snared. 

Sometimes as humans we are similar to the raccoon. We want to hold onto what seems “attractive” and later on it seems to plague us. In my own correspondence with others, I have come to a conclusion, even within my own journey in life, that humans have a tendency to hold onto things, which are not healthy. 

I am not writing about a physical disorder called, “hording”.  A Hording Disorder is someone who never throws anything away because there is some attachment to the object. Things collect and can become a health risk. To them it is something with meaning and to the outsiders, it is seems as useless trash. 

The mind is similar to hording and it can become an unhealthy mind. This is what I would like to refer to as, “mind hording” of specific events, words, actions, guilt, shame, remorse, feelings, trauma to which becomes unhealthy attachments into the mind.  At times it is very difficult to accept or embrace the changes we encounter or the fear of encountering. It takes a lot of strength and energy to hold onto something and not letting it go. We lose time and quality relationships by holding onto what are not productive situations. 

In my personal experience, I conveyed a thought and I did not know the effect of my communication to an ex-spouse, until three years later. It was revealed to me in a discussion, which turned into an argument, that she harbored the words and the statement for years and did not talk to me about the hurt she felt. When I conveyed my statement in a different way, it made sense to her and she relinquished the ill feelings she had harbored for so long. The thoughts that were held for those three years affected the attitudes in both of us. 

Letting go is a very difficult challenge. It is like a raccoon becoming snared in the box because it wants the shiny object and with a closed fist, it can’t pull its hand out of the snare. Often we can find ourselves trapped in relationships because we fear the unknown. Often we want to hold onto what hurts us as a self-defense mechanism to keep others at bay. Words, events, actions of others can be like shiny objects; never wanting to let go of the familiar. When we embrace change, accept what could or may not happen, then only then will we be strengthened by understanding it takes letting go of the emotional attachments. 

There is an option to take to free oneself of the destructive thoughts, grudges, resentments, so that it isn’t manifested through attitudes, which are projected onto others. I feel there are two keys to a better sense of a healthy mind.  It is something I learned after years of holding onto resentment of loved ones, which stemmed from my childhood and teen-age years. I had to let go through forgiveness. It improved the relationship and it allowed me to be free and through attitude, too see them in a different perspective, which allows me to be happier. 

First key is forgiving. It does not mean to erase your past or to forget. It doesn’t mean the other person will change their behavior, but it means you are letting go and clearing the mind to allow positive thoughts to flow. The second key is communicating. Communicate with your self, by thinking through things clearly and then communicating with the other person your thoughts and feelings. 

Figure out how you could have been partially responsible for what occurred. Could it have been prevented and can it be in the future? It isn’t accepting all the blame or taking responsibility from the other person; it is a mind process to allow positive thinking instead of negative thinking. This process allows one to realize we are not a victim, but a participant in life, which can help make one a victor. 

Letting go means you cannot control the actions of others; only you have control over your thoughts and actions. Letting go means to quit reliving the hurt by rehashing past events and languishing over the “could have”, the “only –if”, and the “should have” events. There is a power to move on, but it takes exercise of the mind to the will of forgiveness. 

It is easy to say let go. I know I have heard it all my life and sometimes resented others for telling me to let go. The realization which helped was not in the words itself of letting go, but the confusion of how to let go. It was unfamiliar territory for me. Having been taught on how to hold onto things because of sentimental value or wanting to hold onto things because of past memories was easier (familiar). 

Instead, these things were tearing me up and being projected onto others. I had to understand, there can be miss communication at times. I had to learn how to exercise of letting go. I had to think of all my problems and realize I needed to change. I thought about the pros and cons of how it affected the relationships, the pain the problems caused, are my thoughts stopping me from pursuing what I wanted.  Then I had to look at communicating my thoughts because they were sometimes wrong in my perceptions and had to make amends and then forgiving myself and others.

Letting go means you recognize the pain and it will take time to heal. There has to be commitment to change. Step outside of the comfort and the blanket of the familiarity and learn to walk on your own without the crutch of excuses and blame. Take control of your destiny by making healthy thoughtful choices that will allow you to be free from the pain of the past.

The mind can be a prison, which enables you to be bitter and see life as a pain. Instead, the keys of communication and forgiveness can open the prison and enable you to see life in a positive view of overcoming, even in the bleakest of times. Hold onto precious memories like Billy in the Where the Red Fern Grows and not on events which cause more pain. It is letting go of the familiar and walking in the uncharted territory and accepting the good and the bad, which allows you to let go to see a world of Hope.

By faith (Forging Attitude In Trusting Him)

Watered Coffee?

Have you ever had a thought about water? I can remember my school years and a particular class that challenged most students. Biology class. Exploratory surgery on a frog and the next year was a pig; Biology class was interesting, especially for boys, at the age they are ready to explore. As long as you had a teacher that kept things interesting, biology wouldn’t be so bad. However, having a teacher with a monotonous voice doesn’t help make anything interesting. In Biology class, we had to memorize the basic elements model. What a burdensome task! Now I have some idea about the weight donkeys have to carry when I ride them. I thought, I would never be able to memorize the elements table. However, the easiest and most memorable ones were for water (H2O). H2O is Hydrogen and 2 parts Oxygen.

Water is in everything. This brings up an interesting fact about water. Steam and ice are forms of water with all three having the basic element of H20. Steam, ice and water have different characteristics. Water is a liquid and is present in everything. Water heated up becomes something powerful, which is steam. Steam is like a ghost appearance. Ice is the solid form of water. All three have different characteristics, but all exist as one element of H2O. I have a lot of questions on how God work in our lives. The only way to explain it is in this way:H2O is the basic element of water. The Godhead can be equated to H20, which means it is in everything and it is the basic element. God can be an element of water, which means He is present everywhere. God also took on a solid form. Jesus can be an element of ice, which means He took on the solid form of the Godhead (H2O). The Spirit can be an element of steams, which means He is present like God everywhere but is a Spirit. Like steam looks like a Ghost. God is everywhere and is the element of Life. Without water you can not exist. Jesus is the solid form. When you add Him to your life He cools off the condemnation. The Spirit is present and is like steam that irons out the wrinkles in our lives. Everyone has different characteristics. Some are like carrots. You can peel way the layers, but underneath they are still hard, and if you try to bend them, they break in half. Sometimes they are the “root” of problems. Some are like eggs, which are very fragile and difficult in handling. Some are like coffee beans. They can be hard on the outside, but have a sweet fragrance about them. When life throws punches, how will you react? Like a carrot, hard but add them into the water they can become soft, but steamed they can bend. Add them on ice and they are preserved. Are you like an egg, fragile with a thin outer shell and when tossed you break? Yet, when life’s punches come like boiling water, you become hard on the inside and refuse to mold. You frantically fall to pieces but trying to hold it all together. However, when you add God to the coffee bean, what happens? It yields, but together with God you become a sweet aroma. I believe Paul wrote it in this way, “For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing (2 Cor. 2:15).” Yet, O LORD, you are our Father.

We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Isaiah 64:8 When trouble start to brew, be like the coffee bean and remember the water, the ice and the steam all three is what makes the aroma in your life sweet and pleasant to those around you. "When troubles arise, know it’s the Lord who has you in His hands working out those things which for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose" Phil 2:13. If you need help email me as a life coach, I can help direct you in a peace that passes all understanding. When you drink your cup of coffee remember it has to have water and without it you’re just a bean. Why not yield your life to God to be much more than what you can be? Never be complacent for improving.